Suspicious status? Need opinions

[Forget Myself]

you're welcome, I wish the best for you.

 

I guess she's trying to be smart.

 

Wrong, she probably doesn't even know she's doing it, it's subconscious. And that shows you have her on a pedestal that isn't reality. Go read up some information about the ego, it's probably the biggest underlying, subconscious factor to every decision we make. The ego, naturally, cannot accept the fact that it was wrong. The mind will not let you think it made the wrong choice. Try and think of something you did, and think that you made the wrong choice. Instantly your brain will start rationalizing that choice from a million different directions. The idea you might be wrong never even comes up.

 

you see, even if you did get back together, for a time you may be infatuated again, a couple days, a week, a month, but sooner or later your ego will start to rationalize the decision that you already made, you broke up with her because she needs to grow up, is a liar, needs attention from other men. Naturally these things about her havn't changed, but your initial decision to get back together at some point is being rationalized by your subconscious. Even though now it would be the wrong move and lead to more trouble, you can't let go of the fact that you were wrong in wanting to get back together. It's a vicious circle. And this is what causes break ups to be so hard sometimes, coupled with grief and loss, it can often lead to negative thought patterns that lead to depression. They say the ego is the prison of the mind, and you can never be truly free until you have mastered the ego.

 

I'm really disappointed that she ruined things and lead me to dump her.. There was great potential. Oh well..

 

That's a great way to be thinking of things. You seem like a smart guy and I think you will find someone ten times better. Go meet some intelligent girl and sweep her off her feet, challenge yourself, step it up a notch.

[1m50L0nl3y]

Forget Myself I have given you a star for the great insight!

So basically she is not coming clean because she doesn't think what she's doing is wrong? Is a manifestation of the ego? Also my reasons of wanting her back are based on my ego not admitting that I'm wrong for getting her in the first place?

[Forget Myself]

Well I'm saying that your subconscious is trying to reinforce the initial choice you made to want to get back together, even though you broke up with her for completely real and valid reasons. If you didn't want to get back together then you wouldn't even think about it, because your subconscious would be trying to reinforce your choice to move on. "There is no enemy outside of one's perception of oneself."

 

As for her, it's not that she thinks it isn't wrong, she probably just doesn't even think about it. She may not even be aware of her actions. And she probably thinks it has more to do with you, that it is all your fault, than anything else. Most people are not aware of the core underlying causes for their actions. They have never taken the time to think inwards that deep, to see themselves on a basic, fundamental level. "Ego is experienced as an emotional entanglement of fear and attachment. It is the part of you that has no interest in freedom, feels victimized by life, and avoids anything that contradicts its self-image." Think of a game or something where you compete with other people, if you win it's because you are superior and intelligent and all around better. but in any situation where you lose, it's because the other person got lucky, you were tired, you had the wrong shoes on, any excuse that preserves your self image is the one that makes sense.

 

Also my reasons of wanting her back are based on my ego not admitting that I'm wrong for getting her in the first place?

In a way that's exactly true, in any type of losing situation the ego wont let you think you've made the wrong move, it wants to hold on to that attachment, that status quo, to preserve your self image. So when people think they are going to get back together, their mind is giving them rational thoughts to preserve that image, even though it isn't true, and this is where people lose themselves and turn to depression. They have to maintain those thought processes in order to keep the self image, so they won't see that they are wrong. We are all trained to be capable of handling winning, but most people never give thought on how to handle losing, it is inevitable in life to lose at things, and it is the ego that keeps us from accepting that. "Ego is the one and only one obstacle to enlightenment. If we want to be free, if we want to be enlightened, then we have to pay the price."

[1m50L0nl3y]

This is very interesting, I never saw my experience in a "Freud" perspective. What I was thinking was in the neurological process that take place when we "fall in love", maybe some outside stimuli (as me dumping her,then going in a trip, her loneliness and fear of abandon) triggered her oxytocin production making her notice that "bond" which she didn't feel before because she had other option. My theory is she was anticipating to get a "high" on dopamine with the other guy (liking him more) and for some factor, which I'm not aware of as I haven't even seen that guy but I can suppose he exhibited some traits on his behavior that were a turn off for her, or she didn't get to sleep with him or maybe (and much likely) they slept together but the oxytocin was not present, as she had slept with me before he came in the picture.

I don't think she is aware that humans (specially females) are serial monogamous creatures, and she trying to fool the way we are wired backfired, as is well known and well documented that polygamy is not the "norm" in humans, is more the exception in the rule. Yes we as conscious (and egocentric) creatures have made of sex just that sex, a shallow practice, but the reason why we do it is far beyond our control and every time we put ourselves in the bed of someone we are in for some emotional roller coaster.

When it comes down to me, yes I had the same neurological process the only difference is that my instinct of self preservation and avoiding unnecessary pain, plus my own reproductive system told me I was looking like a fool and no change of satisfactory relationship (aka reproduction) was to take place, you add to that she wasn't showing any trait of a future good mother (dishonest, unkindness, downer) and all these things told me dump her ASAP!. (all this seen from a biological point of view)

 

she probably thinks it has more to do with you, that it is all your fault, than anything else

 

This is so freaking true. She recently showed up at a mutual friend's birthday, where I was scheduled to arrive early because I had the drinks, I was told she was not invited, anyway she showed early too.

The first thing this woman told me

"So will you introduce me some of your friends or are you selfish and want me only to yourself?" Which I replied in a sarcastic way "I'm not going to help you to *bleep* the whole city" she said "is a lot of work and I need help" I said "Don't count on me, I don't want to be part of it" she said "Right you are in love with an american, and you have always hated me"

The conversation progressed along those lines of sarcasm, I had no other choice because I didn't want to start the party in bad terms. So out of nowhere she got on her knees and said "WOULD YOU MARRY ME?" (she was beginning to embarrass me so I decided to make a joke out of the situation) I got on my knees too and I proposed too she stood up and said "Maybe" I stood up and say "Maybe is no, so no wedding end of the subject" She said "Do you want YES or NO?" I gave her some biological explanation of why would I do something like that, she obviously didn't understand it and I was wishing she would STFU. She said "I hope you find your genetically fit dream woman then" I said "you win I lose".. She said "But before you find her I will try to give you some kids".

I wanted to tell her that she was going to give me and the whole male population kids... But I refrained and walked away from her, I eventually left.