SethSLC Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 the hard part is letting her see the change, and at the same time not bombarding her with txt or email or whatever. I am trying to let her take the lead, and mirroring my replies her as far as content and length. Yesterday she referred to her son by a nickname that only I call him. she has never done that. The million dollar question is how long is it going to take her to come back around? Your thinking about it wrong. You shouldn't think along the lines of "letting her see the change", but rather you should simply "be the change". If the change is real then the need or thought to demonstrate that change should never enter your mind. Also you shouldn't be worrying about how long this, or how long that. Stop trying to analyze what she says or why. Just relax and "be". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hrd8 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 ...............thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hrd8 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 She got in a huge argument today with her son's father over his lack of child support. He really knows how to push her buttons. She said that she wants to take a break from everything except for her son for a few weeks and focus on him because he is starting school for the first time. And she hates for him to see her stressed out. Looks like we are in a holding pattern until she settles down and reaches out. Last thing I want to do is bother her when she is clearly asking to be left alone to spend time with her little man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hrd8 Posted September 2, 2011 Author Share Posted September 2, 2011 so this is now the longest we have gone without talking in 3 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hrd8 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 One week of NC.... Seems more like a year Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brownstone322 Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 One week of NC.... Seems more like a year Hang in there, dude. I endured more than 500 days of "no contact" after a 19-year relationship. Your suffering is all relative, but the payback is worthwhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hrd8 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 Thanks. I can't give her a break from the other stress in her life, all I can do is give her a break from this like she asked for. Why does it seem so easy for her to go from "hang on to the ring" to falling off the earth for a week or more? I know its for the best. Its hard to care about enough to just let them be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgia99 Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Hang in there and keep us posted. I'm also on the slow boat to reconciliation, and I've had to learn that the slow one has to take the lead (and it's not me! lol). You can't force someone being ready to be back in full swing, no matter how charming and loving you are. It's amazing though how love, patience, a sense of humor and a positive outlook will pull you through. I've stopped talking defeat, and instead talk about having faith in the process. Reading about the other positive, warm and hopeful people here on this forum helps me a lot as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hrd8 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 thanks. i am a fairly strong person, however not the most patient. If anything, I am definitely learning that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgia99 Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I'm not the most patient either. I'm the go-getter who was always pushing forward in the relationship. He is the more sensitive type with a depressive personality. Love teaches you to be patient. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hrd8 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 She broke no contact today by txt. Just back and forth friendly conversation. Asked her to get some ice cream saturday afternoon. She declined saying that she has plans. asked what kind. and the told me she was going on a date, and that I didnt need to hang on to the ring anymore. So thats fun. I think I am over it. Closure comes in strange forms. I feel sad, and free at the same time. Its odd. I told her that i couldn't keep talking to her if she was dating. Told her that isnt fair to either of us. I dont really have negative thoughts of her being with someone else. I am the best she has ever had, or will ever have. I know she will think of me and miss me. But missing someone doesnt make you want to be with them. I know I wasnt perfect during the relationship. She gave up us before I had a chance to fix the previous damage. No matter how damaged i was, I never once gave up on her. I fought through it to be with her. I am stronger now. i have fixed the damage from my past. She put in alot of time and love to tear down my walls. I am thankful for that. I am better for having known her. Its her loss that she didnt stick around to enjoy the love that she taught me was still inside my heart. seems kinda surreal, and liberating. I thought I would hurt more if this day finally came. I still love her and wish her the best. But I am not expecting anything in return. Hard to describe. I can feel myself letting go. its crazy. i know time does heal. before I didnt want to let go. I knew that once I did, I would start healing and she would go from being a constant in my life to a memory of a girl that I will always have love for. I no longer need to be on the getting back together forum lol. Who knows what the future holds, but this part of my life feels like it has run its course. I am going complete NC. I dont even have the desire to contact her so it shouldn't be that bad this time around. I dont feel like I am waiting on her, like I have really set her free. I am not angry or upset. These past few months have been hell. The only advice I can give is to not push. take your x at their word, and risk everything on them before they become your x. Take that leap and never look back, in the end it will hurt the same no matter how hard you tried to protect yourself. No wall is strong enough to keep love out. In the relationship - trust your heart. Once its over - trust your brain. I hope this all makes sense. But thanks guys for helping me through it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brownstone322 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I hope this all makes sense. But thanks guys for helping me through it all. Sorry, man, but you're making the right call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeepman41 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Hang in there, dude. I endured more than 500 days of "no contact" after a 19-year relationship. Your suffering is all relative, but the payback is worthwhile. 500 days? WOW!! I commend you. I've only been at it for 131 days. This is from an intense 5 month relationship that really caused me to evolve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brownstone322 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 500 days? WOW!! I commend you. I've only been at it for 131 days. This is from an intense 5 month relationship that really caused me to evolve. I went 726 days without seeing her. And she was (and is) the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veronicax Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 726 days..OMG !! So far 5 is about all I can handle.... Wait do you mean without contact or with out seeing her ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brownstone322 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 726 days..OMG !! So far 5 is about all I can handle.... Wait do you mean without contact or with out seeing her ? I went 726 days without seeing her, the last 505 days without any contact of any kind. (I punched the dates into Excel.) Hell, I went 2 1/2 years without any contact of any genuine substance. Therapeutic, all that was. Enough of that; this isn't my thread. I just wanted to demonstrate that "no contact" and "working on oneself" are more than cheap talk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgia99 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 hrd8, you've been so brave. don't ever regret give it your best shot for love. big hug. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happymeboy Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 She used the old tactic to test the waters...and u fell for it...she was just checking if u were there and have the pleasure to tell u about the ring to boost her own ego...EVIL!!! Yeah,wish her the best of luck...she will need it Do urself a favor and get a better chick,be happy and be safe.Keep the ring story alive,learn from it and next time more careful without avoiding to have fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hrd8 Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 hrd8, you've been so brave. don't ever regret give it your best shot for love. big hug. xx thanks So after making it clear last Thursday that I would not talk to her since she was seeing someone, she emails me on Friday. I didnt respond. She emails me about 4-6 times Friday night about random things. I didnt respond. She sends me a text Saturday morning asking about my daughter's first soccer game. I respond by taking a picture of my daughter's game and sending it. She sends me another text around 9 Saturday night (date night for her) saying that my daughter looked so much older now I dont respond She sends me another text about 10 mins later asking if i was watching the game. I respond saying with just "yea" She sends me another text saying that I must be so slow to reply cause i am sitting on the couch too into the game. I respond a little while later saying that i was out with some of our mutual friends. At this point she gets really upset and and cold in her text and ends it by telling me to tell them hi and to have fun. 10 mins later i get another text asking me to please dont drive if i have been drinking i dont reply she send me an email asking why I was at "name of bar" after that we basically go back and forth sending texts throughout the night. And we have been doing this since then. not about much of anything, no talk of the past or feelings, or getting back together. I have just been responding to maybe every other time she emails or sends a text, not initiating. Its like since I have stopped trying, she has stepped up some. just now she sent a txt saying she is looking on someone's fb at pix of me at the bar from sat. She now knows I wasnt lying and is being a little jealous about it. I wasnt talking to any girls or anything. she is just upset that i was there. its a fun ride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarnDark Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Wow, she really wants to have her cake and eat it too. You sound very strong, keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 You shouldn't be replying at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lithp Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Whaaaaat... She is allowed to go on dates, but she gets jealous if you step foot in a bar? Don't talk to her anymore!! You are doing so well, just focus on YOU and forget her for now. This is ridiculous I won't be able to sleep now ugh. Some people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brownstone322 Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 ... after that we basically go back and forth sending texts throughout the night. And we have been doing this since then. not about much of anything, no talk of the past or feelings, or getting back together. I have just been responding to maybe every other time she emails or sends a text, not initiating. Its like since I have stopped trying, she has stepped up some. just now she sent a txt saying she is looking on someone's fb at pix of me at the bar from sat. She now knows I wasnt lying and is being a little jealous about it. I wasnt talking to any girls or anything. she is just upset that i was there. its a fun ride. How is this a "fun ride"? What's in it for you? I've been fortunate to where I've never had a disingenuous ex pestering me like that, but I really think you should be ignoring the idle chatter. Need I remind you ... "[she] told me she was going on a date, and that I didnt need to hang on to the ring anymore." "I told her that i couldn't keep talking to her if she was dating. Told her that isnt fair to either of us." Stick to some basic principles, man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hrd8 Posted September 16, 2011 Author Share Posted September 16, 2011 I have been strong for the past few days. not replying to text or email. She called me crying today. I didnt answer unitl like the 12th call. I thought it may be important about her son or something.... surprise, it wasnt. said that she felt horrible about everything and that she was so scared of starting out with "new guy" said she told him all about us, and that no matter what he would have to be ok with me ( * * * ????) she was crying cause she didnt want to lose me in her life. Last weekend was their first date. said she wasnt sure what she is meant to do she said they havnt even kissed and that the date felt weird. she is still feeling it all out. all she wanted to do while they were out was to text me. and that she is scared now that she knows how much i love her. she met him through a friend about 2 weeks ago i told her i am happy for her, and thats all i ever have wanted is for her to be happy. I glad she is finding her happiness. and good luck. kinda left it at that and said i had to go see what my kid was getting into. she said pls dont shut her out of my life. and that she still loves me. (again * * * ) i have played it really cool about the new guy, but seriously ppl, i cant talk to her while she is with him. how do i just shut her out. I love her to bits but come on???????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 By not backing up your words with actions, she's winning and she knows this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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