BritterSweet Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 I love babies and children, and want to be a pediatric or postpartum nurse. In fact, I'm eagerly looking forward to having a child more so than even getting married! But I'd rather not be a single parent if it can be helped, and what if I don't find that special someone I want to spend my life with? Then I had this wild idea: if I'm not married by a certain age, I will consider becoming a surrogate mother for an infertile couple, and help them care for the child. I'm fully aware that raising a baby is tough, which is kind of why I would prefer not to do it alone. So having a "third parent" could really benefit the couple. I'll babysit and provide breast milk at no cost to them. Also, assuming I become a pediatric nurse, the health knowledge will be helpful for if the child gets sick or injured (and for preventing sickness and injury). If I'm financially able to, I would also like to help pay for the child's education. Of course, there are some possible problems. I expect to be attached to the baby, but what if the couple doesn't want me around the baby anymore? They may (understandably) be afraid that I might want to take the baby away from them. Does anyone here have any experiences dealing with surrogate mothers, or being a surrogate mother? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 I've never heard of a surrogate arrangement between non-family members where the bio mom stays in touch to the extent you described and I'd be really surprised if any parents would want to take on the risks of that situation - you getting attached, trying to get custody -and most parents likely would prefer to have a pediatric nurse/doctor who is not the biological parent so that they can get more of an unbiased/objective view and care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 I've never heard of a surrogate arrangement between non-family members where the bio mom stays in touch to the extent you described and I'd be really surprised if any parents would want to take on the risks of that situation - you getting attached, trying to get custody -and most parents likely would prefer to have a pediatric nurse/doctor who is not the biological parent so that they can get more of an unbiased/objective view and care. Yeah, that. I am all for children having as many people in their lives to love them, however if someone bares a child for someone I would not want them to over step bounds. I know the surrogate would be a mother too because she bore the child but it would be not their genetic child. I do not think healthcare professionals should treat family members, it makes things too emotional and open to mistakes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritterSweet Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 Well, I did say it was a wild idea... I guess it just came to mind because I really want to someday have a baby. It was more of a "what if" question. And I didn't mean treating the child as a healthcare professional, just generally being more educated about child health. I would be more aware of proper nutrition, healthy lifestyles, and warning signs of problems among other things. My own mom was a nurse, so she was more conscious of me and my brother's health as we were growing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie274 Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Agree with Batya and Vic. In all the cases I've heard of, the parents want the surrogate to carry the baby to term, and that's where the relationship ends. Putting myself in the situation, I'd be fine with sending yearly pictures and general updates, but no more. I would absolutely not want a third parent, and while the baby is a newborn I would be focused on my husband and I bonding with him/her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 I would not mind some involvement but not as in a "parent" like involvement. Also trying to tell parents how to parent and feed and give advice has to be done in a non obtrusive way so as not to offend and sound like you are hovering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritterSweet Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 Thanks for your input, everyone. I must admit, this was kind of embarrassing for me. So I just added a disclaimer to my signature. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RelaxByWater84 Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 So would you want to be a traditional surrogate or a gestational surrogate? I know you said you didn't want to become a single mom however, would you ever think about adopting a child who needs a forever home?? That is something I am thinking of if I am not married by 34 and have no prospects then I will begin the adoption process. You really could make a difference in the life of a child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 , I will consider becoming a surrogate mother for an infertile couple, and help them care for the child Unless this couple is friends or family of yours, you'll probably have a hard time finding a random couple that wants to share parenting rights & responsibilities with the surrogate. Most couples want to raise their children privately and based on their own values, culture, views, family beliefs. A 3rd person may seem intrusive in a situation like that unless it is a friend, family member, or dear friend of the couple. There's lots of sticky legal issues that surround this as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 I saw on this talk show about how a infertile couple used the eggs of another woman but then ANOTHER woman had to carry the children. Both surrogate mothers (the egg donor and the one who carried them) are 'aunts' in the childrens lives. It happens but not very often I think. If I ever had to go the surrogate route I would be eternally grateful for the woman who was able to give my child life but at the same time, there's that 'she could but I coudln't thing' that takes a strong person to over come to do what you are suggusting. it can be done, I'm sure, but I think those couples are few and far between. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petite Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 I'm not sure if you've been in the Journal section but sidehop has a journal on surrogacy and more his wife was a surrogate. It's actually pretty interesting and detailed so you might want to read it. As far as your idea of being in the childs life and sort of like a third parent, I think that would be pretty hard and I can't see any couple agreeing to have so much involvement. Most people want to raise their children alone without a third parent. I know two people who used a surrogate but the contact ceased once the baby was born. You have a long way to go and at 23 you're still so young. There are many years ahead of you to find a partner, fall in love, marry and have a child of your own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SayWhen Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Eh, I doubt you could come by that situation. People who go with a surrogate usually are desperate for a child of their own, and I doubt most of them would want the surrogate to play any kind of involved role in the child's life, possibly taking away from their experience as new parents. You'd likely get more of that sort of experience from an open adoption, but even then it's not nearly as involved as what you described. The only way you could be that involved would be perhaps if you carry a child for a family member or very close friend, as others have described. You're only 23...give it time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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