cutedisaster-x Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I met an old friend at a club back in April (we’re both 19) and we really hit it off. I asked him after a month of dating (what I thought was), what we were. He gave me the speech of how I’m amazing but he’s not looking for a relationship as he’s just out of one that his girlfriend cheated on him. So we became distant for a few weeks, the middle of June we decided to hang out again. We started dated, going to dinners, etc. After a week he introduced me to his parents. We’ve still been dating and it’s now August. A few weeks ago he went to a club and made out with another girl. I was upset and we talked about it, he sounded sincerely sorry, so I eventually gave him another chance. In the mist of talking he stated “I was even started to feel like I wanted to be with you” Just last week I spent the night at his apartment for the night (no sex) and a few days ago I stayed at his parents house with him. I don’t want to bring it up again to him, but will he ever ask me to be his girlfriend? Am I just suppose to wait around? What do I do?! It seems like awhile for me, and I feel like he'll never ask me. When we're together he acts like we're "together" though. The way he talks to me, etc. But we still don't "go out" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cutedisaster-x Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 Please help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I don't always approve of ultimatums but I would tell him that you are not comfortable being in limbo like this and have to assume he is not serious about being in a relationship with you and are therefore going to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawks1287 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 He gave me the speech of how I’m amazing but he’s not looking for a relationship as he’s just out of one that his girlfriend cheated on him. You are wanting something he doesn't want, but you are sticking around because you are wanting him, him being unattainable...even making out with someone else. You two are young and it's cool I get it, you like him. I will respectfully say this a little puppy love scenario for you and maybe him, but he is being more cautious. You put yourself into this situation and you are allowing it to happen by continuing to deepen the wound by hanging out with him and his parents. Pressure or no pressure, if he wanted to be your and only yours and be OFFICIALLY EXCLUSIVE, I would have to imagine after all this time he would have been over his former situation by now. I do not know if you have had intercourse or not, but either way he is clearly using you for the attention, distraction, which don't get me wrong could lead to him GENUINELY LIKING YOU, but from how I perceive this, it is what it is. You need to tell him how you feel, tell him this situation is not working for you, and that you are not happy not knowing what your circumstances are. SPEAK YOUR MIND TO HIM, hey may be just very insecure who knows, I mean he was cheated on...(supposedly) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cutedisaster-x Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 I definitely understand that. We have not had intercourse. I guess I'm just afraid to say it to him in case he feels I'm rushing it. It confuses me as when hes out working (He's out on a boat for a week, home for a weekend, gone for a week. etc). He's often come home with something for me, like a shell he found and kept for me, or he'll take videos of the dolphins for me, etc. Its like he thinks of me too while he's gone, but he still hasn't made things official so then I feel like he never will. He'll be back on friday, should I bring this up then? How should I go about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pennyloafer2 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 If he's not ready now, he will probably never be ready. Sorry. This is happening to me. It's better to leave sooner rather than later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cutedisaster-x Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 If he's not ready now, he will probably never be ready. ..That's what I'm afraid of. How do you suggest I bring it up to him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pennyloafer2 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 ..That's what I'm afraid of. How do you suggest I bring it up to him? Somewhere in private or over the phone. Say what you feel. If you have trouble expressing it, it can go something like this: I really like you, but I think we want different things. I want a committed exclusive relationship. If you are not ready for that because of your past, I'm sorry. I cannot wait for you. I hope you forgive your ex-girlfriend and learn to trust others again and be able to love. Until then I will find my own way, which includes us not seeing each other anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapse Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Baggage Reclaim... link removed I recommend this site highly. She writes well and has great empowering messages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tygerwolf Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Girl, I am in a very very similar situation. I've been talking to and dating a guy for a 5 months now. He really likes me, confides in me, buys me gifts, introduced me to his family and yet he doesn't want an official relationship. He too was cheated on by his last girlfriend. Their relationship ended after 3 years. It seems to me that guys take a bit longer to get over heartache. They are cautious to get back into another relationship regardless of how amazing you are and how much they like you. I will tell you what I did and im happy with my decision thus far. Instead of talking about the "title", I talked to my guy about what he wants from "us." When you press a title too soon it can scare them off. Simply state what your hopes and expectations are and see what he says. Be honest with him. Regardless of the title, if you two are not wanting the same thing, your "relationship" will fail. Its unlikely that he will change his mind. If your wanting more from him and hes wanting to stay casual and see other women, I would say move on. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrettyGood Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Ok, here's my oppinion. First of all, he hadn't asked you to be his girlfriend yet and you already dealt your best cards to him. You already let him understand by asking him where you are both at. So he understood that he has a 100 percent "hold" on you. Because you care more than him. He stated that he's not ready for relationship and again, you showed that you will wait for him to be ready. You're not equal in this "relationship" and he want to see just how far you are willing to bend for him. Overcompensating and being too eager to please lessens his respect to you. So I think you should already start using NC method. Because it seems that you're being available all the time to him. In other way, he will never suggest that thing to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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