Lady Rashomon Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 I'll make this brief. I've been separated from my ex for about nine months now, am currently going through a divorce, and recently met someone who I went on a date with. Initially, since it took us weeks to get our schedules in sync, I was kind of gunshy and, quite honestly, expecting the worst. But I thought that I'd give the fellow the benefit of the doubt and went into the date with an open mind. We had an unexpectedly fantastic time, had great chemistry, and he said that he definitely wanted to take me out again and spend time with me. The date ended with some making out, but nothing too major. That was last Thursday. He texted me with a literary quote (we geeked out over books) the day after the date, and I mentioned that I had a good time. I didn't hear from him after this, which I didn't think much about. Yesterday I texted him with some funny, sarcastic comment (just to reach out) and he responded in kind and asked me how I was. I responded, but didn't hear back from him. Today, I decided to bite the bullet and I texted him a message that said "I had a great time on our date and would love to see you again" and suggested when we could get together. That was several hours ago and I haven't heard back from him. Granted, he could still be at work, so I'm not completely freaking out here. But all the same, if he were REALLY interested, wouldn't he have tried to set something up himself (especially if he indicated on our first date that he wanted to see me again)? I don't want to read too much into this or get caught up in retrogade, sexist notions of who should ask out whom. He was very attentive and sweet on our date, but it's possible that he has dating ADD or simply not very interested. It's been years since I've been in this position so I'm not very certain how to deal with any of this. I'm not fond of playing games, and he didn't strike me as a game-player either, but I'm slightly befuddled about the rate at which things are going, given how great the connection was. Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 I think you've reached out enough - you sent him 2 texts with (so far) no response from him. There's nothing to do but wait and see if he contacts you to ask you for another date. He doesn't seem that interested, but you never know. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Usually if a date goes really well with two halves and both are happy, the connection is mutual and genuine between them, almost instantly. A lot of lag time in between texts or returned phone calls is not a good sign. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Dates are dates and they can be fun but not mean chemistry on both sides. I would move on and if he contacts you, then great, but I wouldn't hold my breath. Link to comment
lorita Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Dates are dates and they can be fun but not mean chemistry on both sides. I would move on and if he contacts you, then great, but I wouldn't hold my breath. Yeah, I agree.... Keep on with your life, and if he contacts you then you decide... I have a male friend who tells me that guys can "feel the pressure", I asked him what did he mean with "pressure" and he told me that as guys grow older (enter their 30s) they think we just want to get married tomorrow... I don't know if that's true..But after my dating disasters I'm beginning to think guys think that... So maybe he "felt the pressure" as my friend said... Link to comment
Lady Rashomon Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 Yeah, I agree.... Keep on with your life, and if he contacts you then you decide... I have a male friend who tells me that guys can "feel the pressure", I asked him what did he mean with "pressure" and he told me that as guys grow older (enter their 30s) they think we just want to get married tomorrow... I don't know if that's true..But after my dating disasters I'm beginning to think guys think that... So maybe he "felt the pressure" as my friend said... I don't think this really applies, as I mentioned to the guy that I was going through a divorce and didn't want to jump into anything anytime soon. I don't feel that I came accross as clingy, either. Anyway, I heard from him late last night but was, again, befuddled by his response: "Wow, I was really surprised to hear that you wanted to go out again, as you weren't interested when I suggested that we read together." I was a little taken aback by that, as I never expressed DISINTEREST in reading together; in fact, I thought it was a sweet suggestion and I mentioned that it was a very novel idea. He suggested having dinner next week (that is, "if you're still interested"), but now I'm thinking...was the whole "I didn't think you were interested" thing a way of playing it cool? I was a little put off by that. Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Go but don't expect anything - he doesn't sound like he has high interest (not responding to your text, separating dates by 2 weeks), but the date might be fun. Link to comment
Lady Rashomon Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 Yeah. I texted him back and said that actually, I would love to read with him and am still interested. He responded immediately this time and set something up for early next week (and yes, we're going to read together). Sounded more enthusiastic. But again, I realize this will only be date two so I probably shouldn't be mapping out our future, regardless. Link to comment
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