robert7x Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I tried to stay away from this site and i managed to do it for the past 4 months.... I'm sure if you search under my name you'll find all kinds of post which really messed me up since the breakup with my Ex last year in September... I've been a total mess for good 6,7 months. Tried to stay away from her, but she would always call, text... we saw each other from time to time... It was good for the time being... I kept asking her if she wants to get back and it was always me asking to see her etc... She always had other excuses and would see me sometimes.... Little background on the ex... Now my ex... she's a hot, hot girl... Not that smart really... Let's put it this way... all she has going for her are her looks... Rarely has anything to talk about, Her Job is barely what you can call a job... no vision. Can't really talk about anything as she doesn't know anything other then Gossip and the whole Entertainment world. Me... I'm completely oposite... I have a good job... i like doing stuff, i'm kind of interesting... i mean I know a little about everything and can talk to people about any subject. I try to keep up to date on news and stuff that's happening in the world. I kept constantly asking myself why am i so stuck on this girl... Every friend of mine has always told me "you could have any girl you want, why are you so stuck on this one when she's not even 2% of what you are?" I don't know!!!! So to continue the story... I think it finnaly hit me after 6 months of this game playing with her that it's time to cut her off... I guess what helped is that i started seeing another girl... She's smart, cute... not as hot as ex... but i could talk to her and have fun basically... However, something was still missing. After i deleted my ex from facebook, cut her off completely... she started panicing and did what i have been doing for the past 6 monhts at the time... She kept coming to my place, calling, crying, saying she wants me back... saying she was wrong, we should give it a try, i can't live without you, you're all i want etc... While that was all nice... and pretty much something i wanted to hear for a while... i didn't want to give in as it seemed fake... I didn't believe her... we saw each other for a while... it was going on until last week... but i kept pushing her away... or testing so to say... I just didn't believe her... i mean how could i after 6 months of me asking to be with her she ignored it and kept pushing it away... Then it all blew up again... She said how I hurt her and she was crying every day because i was not "lovey-dovey" towards her... She stopped talking to me again... Basically she went away for a month which i found out today... I can't shake this feeling off that maybe i should have just give in and be with her... It looked like she tried... then again, sometimes it looked like an act just to get me back... I kept thinking that if i went back with her... it would be the same... Boring time... sex rarely as she didn't feel like it etc... Even though we had sex every day in this new comeback... But it all seemed fake... I just felt it as it wasn't real. Now i'm just feeling like first day all over again... I feel like all the stuff i ate will come back out... nausea, headache... you all know the feeling. I don't know what to do... The other girl is still around... she seems to really like me... but i can't get over the EX yet again... and i was doing so good. All these feelings inside are bottling up and i can't handle it again... I'm afraid of the future, i'm afraid that i made a mistake... I need help. I don't want to go through the hell path i went through 9 months ago... I just can't handle it anymore... Link to comment
Robin2904 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I kept constantly asking myself why am i so stuck on this girl... Every friend of mine has always told me "you could have any girl you want, why are you so stuck on this one when she's not even 2% of what you are?" I don't know!!!! I feel your pain here. I know the feeling all too well. My ex was SO wrong for me, has nothing going for him in any aspect of his life, is a very messed up person, can't even say he is OMG hot- he's okay. Everyone has asked me what in the world I saw/see in him when I can do SOO much better. I still don't have an answer and ask myself all the time why this one guy who isn't even anything special has SUCH a hold over me. Love really is blind my friend! When it comes down to it, you know she isn't the one, she isn't on you level. That is your answer. You need to move onto someone who is your equal. Looks are important yes, but they are not everything. The fact that she came back, I know that can be confusing. It seems like it was the push and pull (you push her, she pulled away. You pulled away and she pushed for you) seemed like she knew she was loosing you. Now if that was really sincere, I don't know. Maybe she did realize what she lost. At that point, after everything that happened its REALLY very hard to get back to the original place with out some bad feelings on both ends. You were 'testing' her as you say, you didn't trust her. You wanted to see if she was sincere. She played her own games over those 6 months and did the same thing by pushing you away. There is a lot of back and forth there. The fact of the matter is the time you spent together again wasn't as good as it was before, truth is it rarely is. It's VERY hard to get back what you had because there are always these feelings of anger, bitterness, betrayal, lack of trust,that are very hard to overcome. A quote that I read a long time ago that stuck with me was- can't find it exactly, but the gist of it is 'Relationships are like vases. When they break you try so hard to put them back together, wanting desperately for it to look as it did before. But sometimes you have to realize that it can not be that way, and it is best to remember the vase for that it was when it was whole and beautiful, then to stare at a vase with missing pieces and try to pretend it looks the same' I used to read this quote over and over and over when I first was going through my break up. I wanted to be be the way it was before, and we tried to work things out, same as you, but it was not the same. It was a shell of what it was. I think you made the right choice. It's time to move on for you. Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Robert7x, I remember your posts from way back. Eventually you will get better and the attraction to this person will fade. However, the longer you keep in contact with your ex, the longer you will be in this anxious state. Also, if you dont really like the other girl-- the "band-aid" girl, end it with her. As I have mentioned many times before, it took the sudden death of my father to see what a loser my ex really is. You dont have to have something this bad happen to you! My suggestion is you stop dating for a while-- be alone! It won't kill you. If you are this anxious from a Sept 2010 break up, you need to seriosly cut this ex out of your life for good. WHat good is she?? There must be some type of activity you enjoy. Throw yourself in to this, be selfish and soon you will have this cancer out of your life. Dont waste another year!! Link to comment
C_Unknown2005 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Stop putting her on the pedestal buddy. Your still recovering and its normal to feel this way. Sadchick took the words right out of my mouth. Relax and just keep pushing forward. Out of sight out of mind. C Link to comment
robert7x Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 Thanks for replies to all... It's been 2 weeks or so since i wrote this... I haven't talked to her... i've been trying to keep busy, but as you all know Mornings and thoughts are still there and driving me nuts. I have a lot going for me, but at one point nothing is really enough when you're misserable inside... i'm sure many of you know this feeling. It sucks that i let myself fall back in this hole... especially since i was almost out. My mind is just amazing... putting someone up so high on the pedestal which in the end makes me feel worthless. I'll keep going... I can't wast any more time. My b-day is coming up in a week or so... I'll be 29.. Man time is flying by so quickly. Link to comment
Miss my Heart Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I know how you feel rober7x. Mornings are the hardest for me too. I hate that thoughts of him are always there lurking in the back of my mind. My ex had good qualities but I've put him on a pedestal like he was the best thing in the world. We've only been apart about 2 month. I'm on day 3 on NC. It's really hard. I miss him alot. I like hearing that people are surviving and getting along. I don't want to go backwards. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you have a good b-day. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Perfect example of why you should always go NC. I learned that the hard way but I think you just need to be strong and pull through. I know you can do it! Link to comment
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