Falling in love with a friend

[Lady Rashomon]

Does this ever really work? I'm still healing from a recent divorce, and have become much closer to someone who has been a dear friend of mine for years. It's confusing, because it's quite different from the typical trajectory that past relationships took (where someone makes their interest known shortly after meeting and the relationship is more based on physical attraction, and the love develops from there). This is a man who I deeply love, trust, and respect. I'm happy whenever I'm around him. We can talk for hours--he makes me laugh, and he makes me want to be a better person in all aspects. There is chemistry, and I am attracted to him/excited by him, but it isn't the same roller coaster ride I've been accustomed to in the past. I feel completely comfortable with him. I trust him deeply, but I realize that having divulged so much of myself to him over the last few years (because I felt no need to impress him or play games), I've not exactly positioned myself as "relationship material."

 

All the same, a new dialogue has opened up between us on how the energy has shifted demonstrably, which is overwhelming for both of us. We have both acknowledged that timing is off, so it doesn't seem like there's any point thinking about this. All the same, we are leaving that door open and I have no idea where this is going to go. Most relationships in my past weren't based on conscious decisions but on the forces of nature (unavoidable, cataclysmic, life-altering)--honestly, I always had this belief that if people didn't act on their feelings from the get-go, those feelings probably weren't there to begin with.

 

I'm not going to freak out over the situation but I am wondering--given that the boundaries of the relationship are so ambiguous, is this even worth dwelling on? How likely is it that something genuine could evolve from a situation that will probably take a while to suss out and unpack?

[DN]

I am not sure that the timing is necessarily off if you have known each other for some time - this would not be a usual rebound-type situation.

 

Be careful you don't lose something good but also be aware of your own relationship history and what you may or may not want from a man.

[Lady Rashomon]

I am not sure that the timing is necessarily off if you have known each other for some time - this would not be a usual rebound-type situation.

 

Be careful you don't lose something good but also be aware of your own relationship history and what you may or may not want from a man.

 

All good points. And of course, I still have a lot of things to work through so I'm not jumping into anything willy-nilly. It's been about nine months since my ex and I separated, and while I have casually dated, I am by no means going to enter into an intimate relationship with someone lightly. But if I were to, this man would be pretty ideal. He isn't perfect (nor am I), but the friendship, the comfort level, the sense of complete acceptance, the willingness to even speak about this matter candidly...all of these are qualities that I would want in a mate and that I would hope to be able to offer in return. And there's soooooo much more good stuff. I don't think I'm viewing him merely through rose-tinted glasses, given our history.

 

But of course, there's also the matter of risking the loss of something that's pretty incredible in its own right.

[simplebloke]

I actually just read your other thread about having problems with your husband (with the drug issues and lack of sex etc, thread not started by you though) before but now you are divorced it seems, I don't think the timing is off as long as you are 110% sure you are over your ex husband.

 

I myself am having problems with a long term girlfriend, we are just way to different in some area's but so so similar in others, when it comes to sex it was awesome for so long but now 4 and half years later

whenever I'm in the mood and she can be half assed (I haven't felt for a long time her jump my bones so to speak or propose me for it) shes like ok, goes into the bedroom, drops the pays and lays on her back

ready, I don't really feel wanted in that department anymore I guess, haven't got a long time and with the arguments plus this I think its all just really building up and I'm about to call it quits, I'm Australian, shes German so we are pretty different in humor aspects which doesn't help but there ARE things that make it work obviously cause we have been together this long, I dunno what else to say dunno how to make it work anymore.