tresqua Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 No kidding ... none of that made sense. I understand this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaKings55 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Ok, that sounds fine, but one minute you're saying how you're in love, and talking about your emotions, now you're mr. calm? I don't get it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakeItCount Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 I understand this. I like you. Anyways, OP. This is going to end in a train wreck. You're contradictory posts are scaring me. You honestly sound imbalanced and delusional right now. So she was super cold, then she got horny and she got hers..and now nothing. You gotta reevaluate your mental state man, and the situation. If you would've resisted the sex and showed strength, it would've been way better. What does this tell her? She can be a cow to you all she wants, but the moment she wants sex, you're ready. So she can treat you like trash and still get hers. Oh boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostwithouther Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 Hi Everyone, I appreciate everyones concern, but I do have things under control. I realize there are 2 sides to this. Positive and negative. The positive would be her wanting to come back, being in love and working things out. A mature relationship, which I would like to pursue. The negative is her having her cake and eating it too. She wants a chase. I will skip it. I am hanging around enough positive intelligent people now that I am in a great mental state that I will not fall back to square 1. I appreciate everyone's support on here, with this time apart I have expectations now of what I would like being in a relationship. The past few meetings, I did explain what I wanted and where I was going, with a sincere answer, I do want to work things out, but I am also moving on and will move on with or without her. The child in me was happy to have sex with her, but I am not begging or asking questions of where we stand because I am moving on. I will not be pursuing her, she can contact me. 3 nights ago was amazing and I would love her to see that she could and did have that in our relationship and being mature we could have great moments working things out, but I will not be chasing her or contacting her. This is what a person that breaks up with you wants, they want you to beg and plead. I am not going to do that. I am not going to contact her. If she wants her cake, I do too. Obviously there are more details that I will not disclose because they are personal, but when a person breaks up with you they want you to chase them, I will go back to being silent, let her realize that she is losing me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaKings55 Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 Sounds good to me, but I can't get past that first post of yours "She called me. She came over. We made looooooooooove. And I feel happy. Why am I not panicking or hurting? I feel Great! " One minute you're hot, the next you're cold. Just keep those emotions in check, don't make any hasty decisions like before, and you'll be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrowingIn Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 I actually don't think he's as crazy as it sounds. He made that post right after he got laid. He was excited. Now he's calmed down. Isn't that actually kind of normal? Don't we all do this? Isn't one supposed to be happy, excited, etc right after something good happens to them? Getting laid is always something that's going to make you feel great especially if it's been some time but it doesn't appear like he's taking it as anything more which is a good thing. So she's trying to use him for comfort, and if he can get something in return right back, I see nothing wrong with that. I just hope he really can "move on" and not get re-attached which is the danger here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaKings55 Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 Well, that's all fine and dandy, but I've been in a similar situation, and rather than give in to her, I told her it wasn't a great idea and we needed more time and space. But that's just me, I don't put much stock in or get much from sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrowingIn Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 I did the same thing with my ex. I turned her down last time we were together and she offered because it felt she was doing it out of obligation while I had passionate and warm feelings towards her. I feel great about myself about being able to turn down sex, but at the same time I also feel like a shmuck and a weak ass for not being able to get over my own feelings and sleep with a hot girl who was just there for the taking. So if he can handle it, tap it! It's what she wants. And if she wants to use him for sex and his feelings, and he can just give her sex in return.....even better. That's one way of letting her know, like he said, she can't have her cake and eat it too. If he's "making love" to her though while she's just getting some, that's no different than a guy using a woman for sex. It's just as a guy, you're supposed to enjoy it and be a man about it. And he may end up getting hurt again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostwithouther Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 If she wants a relationship, I'm here to work on it. If she wants to have sex, I'm here for it. I am moving on with or without her. If she wants her cake, I want mine too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaKings55 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Hey, if that floats your boat, I say go for it. I personally wouldn't be trying to get sex out of it, or even taking that opportunity if it presented itself, but that's just me. Like I said, I've never found sex to be all that mind-blowing or pleasurable to worry about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostwithouther Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 Everyone is telling me the sex will lead to problems. What problems? If she wants to come over for sex, it shows her character. I have my thoughts because I am in the situation, because of her past, I know she is a lost soul. I understand she trusts me, so she will come over for sex, but I am moving on and will not be contacting her. It is sad because of her abused past, she avoids issues, escapes at ease and will live her life this way, rather than work on a healthy relationship. She does not see the Big picture, only little moments. She also wants me to chase her but I am remaining silent, she left me to do meaningless activities, she lost me, this is her life story. If she thinks I will put in effort she is wrong, sooner or later the emotions and feelings will come out on what we are doing, what we are or where we are going and at that point I will maturely handle it. She contacted me for 2 nights after she came over, then nothing last night. It shows her character. Think of the Big picture, this is the woman I want to spend my life with and raise kids with? Not with her true colors. A relationship is about compatibility. She left me, runs around lost, then comes back to me, then leaves to do meaningless activities and avoid us, she is lost. That is why I am not contacting her and I am at peace. I see her for who she truly is. She would like to have fun, then so do I, because there are no strings attached. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tresqua Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 In that case you're doing just fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostwithouther Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 Prior to this relationship I was a Wildman, then she helped me settle down. Now it has come to this. I am back to being a Wildman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaKings55 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Good job growing and maturing as a person Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostwithouther Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 I am maturing, I am moving on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mellie Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 I am maturing, I am moving on. Might want to rethink the username then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostwithouther Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 Everyone, my child is talking right now. I Love her, the mature person in me truly loves her, but the child in me is also speaking on this Saturday as I am alone. It hurts, I am hurting more than ever, I would cry if I tears left to cry. I am being defensive, I miss her and want her back, but if someone truly wants to hurt me and destroy something so special we once had, then I will move on. As I am maturing and learning about myself and our relationship from the 3rd person, I see my errors, her errors, what needs to be fixed and if we are compatible. I don't want to get hurt again, I am lost and confused with loves emotions. The child in me wants to act tough, but the mature adult is hurting and longs for calm nights together. I am tired of hugging my pillows pretending its her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostwithouther Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 I have learned in this time it takes work. If she is not willing to work, then I have no choice but to continue fixing myself and move on. It pains me when someone you love is not willing to put the work in as a mature adult. Again everyone, I'm sorry for acting tough, that is my child speaking out, the mature person in me is writing this, I will continue to be calm and think in this manner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tresqua Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Ok, you REALLY need to stop having sex with this woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaKings55 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 And tell me where I'm wronging in continuing to point out that one minute you're pining after her, the next you're acting like the tough macho man. Get a grip, get some help, and please just stop posting. Nothing we say will help you, since you ignore it anyway. By all means, feel free to rant if it makes you feel better, but don't get mad when people laugh as you post things about your inner child and holding the pillows, then posting about just getting yours and having sex, and being the strong dude who doesn't care anymore. Then you'll come back and try to defend yourself and the cycle will continue. Let's face it, you will never get over this girl, you'll continuously be there for her when she wants you for sex or anything else, and you'll keep giving in. You can convince yourself that it's just sex, but we all can tell that it's not just sex to you. You want closeness with her. Well, hate to break it to you, you're never going to have a lasting relationship with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrowingIn Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 I'm gonna have to agree with the others. If you could really handle it, it would be one thing, but it sounds like what you are going through is what I was afraid of. Sleeping with her will just make you want to be with her all over again. I think you will just end up torturing yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
okiedokiestomp Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Think of the Big picture, this is the woman I want to spend my life with and raise kids with? Not with her true colors. you should figure out why you want to spend your life with someone who runs around on you and is emotionally unavailable while choosing to keep you as her back-up and in your words is using you for sex. The reason people are telling you to avoid sex with her is b/c it is clouding your judgement when what you need is perspective b/c you can't see it from where you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaKings55 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Oh, don't worry, he's just getting his too so to speak. LOL. You know, he's "got it under control." Just ignore the fact that he says that one minute and the next he'll go on about how much he loves her. No one should waste anymore time on this guy who writes one thing as a "child" then comes back literally 5 minutes later and writes something contradictory as a "mature adult." He's either playing games with us or lying to himself, either way this is a waste of time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tresqua Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 No one should waste anymore time on this guy who writes one thing as a "child" then comes back literally 5 minutes later and writes something contradictory as a "mature adult." He's either playing games with us or lying to himself, either way this is a waste of time I don't think he's playing games nor is he acting like a child. That's how emotions work, they come in waves. One minute he's got it under control, the next, in a moment of weakness he feels like he's coming apart. You could say that he's lying to himself which is usually referred to as "denial" but hey that's how the mind works, we don't heal in a linear way, there's lots of ups and downs along the way. He still needs support and guidance, give him a break. Eventually he'll figure it out that he's in a toxic situation and he'll pull himself out of it, assuming she doesn't leave first. To do that he could use some reminders from his forum buddies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostwithouther Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 Thank you Tresqua, I am going through the waves. Her coming over, I was excited, thinking it would lead to something, but I see that it was her chance to have sex. With reality settling in, I have to realize that she is not a nice person and I am going to move on. I am hurt, for those that were telling me it was bad, I see your side and I understand that now. Why would a human like this exist, that is my next question. A thieve and snake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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