Talus Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 What's up guys! I haven't been here in a while, you're welcome to read through my previous posts if you wanna know what I was going through; the same thing most of you are going through right now. Got dropped by the first love, the girl who meant more than anything in the world to me. I was shattered, lost, scared and felt like the pain would never end. Hit up counciling, cried for weeks, distanced myself from everyone etc. etc. You know the drill. I remember at the time I was going through all of this and posting here I'd see the occasional post pop up about someone who had reconciled and I would clutch at that like there was no tomorrow. Please do not make the same mistake. Realistically it would fail in the butt hole. In my honest opinion, and I'm speaking from experience as I did manage to reconcile, the only way it would work between you and your ex is after you have dealt with the pain and COMPLETELY moved on. That's the only chance. In my opinion you have to fall in love with that person all over again. What I'm trying to say is to successfully reconcile, you have to get to the point where the idea of reconciliation means nothing to you. In simpler terms. Move on COMPLETELY. As hard as it is to comprehend, that should be your only focus right now. Then there were those posts from returning members who went through the darkest of times but were back here to let everyone know that as painful as this moment is and as hard as it's going to be dealing with it all, things actually get a whoooole lot better. This is one of those. I'm not sure how long it's been since I truly started to move on but the last time I talked to her was I think in April this year. She told me she'd actually met the first decent guy since me and she thinks it could go somewhere. She said she'd love to stay in contact, but understood if I didn't. I told her I was happy for her and that I didn't want to get in the way of anything between them. I wish her all the best and hope he treats her well and that I think the best thing to do would be to stay out of each others lives for the immediate future(at least a few yrs)... And you know what. That's actually how I felt. I genuinely am happy for her. I will always love her as a person, but that's where it stops. After sending that msg I realised that I genuinely have moved on. I have no feelings toward her anymore. It's not an overnight thing. It's not an easy thing. I'm not gonna sugar coat it. There is no correct way of doing it. There is no secret cheat code to put in and no magical time period for when the pain stops or the feelings go away. But it does happen. It will happen. For a lot of you this pain, these feelings... They're all being felt for the first time and have likely come as a major shock. Happened to me. I thought I was a pretty sweet dude who was happier than a hyena at a comedy festival. Then one day bam! Life went spiralling out of control. I took solace in every little bit of hope I imagined up. I'd make up scenarios in my head and that'd get me through to the next day. After it happens it's a battle. There's no right or wrong. Sometimes we just have to kick and scream, sometimes we have to beg and plead... It's all just a survival mechanism. You can be as tough as you like but you need to deal with this pain and let it come out. Do not suppress it. I don't mean go on a rampage through town pillaging everything in sight. But cry. Eat ice cream etc. etc. After you can't cry anymore take a step back and try to get a clear head. Read. Workout. Try something new. Hang out with mates. Laugh til you pee your pants, then take the pants off and laugh some more. The usual feel good stuff. Start bringing the positivity back into your life. Divert your attention from the "ex" and onto other aspects of life. Even if it's a minute a day. Build that up. Ultimately this disappointment is the same disappointment you get when you can no longer find your favourite flavour of ice cream. You may have loved Honeycomb. Got it every week. Go to get it again and boom, not there. What. The. * * * * !? You'll be disappointed. Upset. Hungry. But what do you do? You whinge for a little, 'cus we all love a good whinge, but then you reluctantly try choc chip cookie dough. Om nom... Oh my god. Honeycomb can piss off! This new flavour is the bomb!! Head back in the following week and both honeycomb and choc chip cookie dough are there... You look at the 2 and whilst you remember the good times with honeycomb; that particular hot day where it cooled you down, that time you dribbled it on your shirt or even that time your friend pushed your face into it. But you don't want it. It's not for you anymore. You've moved on. You're a cookie dough man/woman now. You couldn't be happier. But if honeycomb had've stuck around that week you could've had a very mediocre ice cream eating career because you never would've had the guts, or the opportunity to try a different flavour. Life's short guys. There are other flavours of ice cream out there. But for now I suggest you all go on a diet from it. Don't force anything. And as much as you all wanna e-punch the crap outta me for saying this; time heals all. Patience is key. Stay strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elcie Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 Thank you for that affirmative message........and that ice-cream analogy appealed to me....on SO many levels....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
learning2relax Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 Thank you for sharing...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin2904 Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 This was a great post! Thank you! I loved the ice cream analogy- so much awesome there! For now though I am lactose intolerant lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manu85 Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 Awesome post! You're a great writer man, LOVED your ice cream anology Good to see that you healed. Take care! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talus Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 No worries guys. Chins up. Life is awesome, hard to see that now. But you weren't born attached to this person so there's no reason you can't live without them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriem Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Talus that's a great post right there, it cheered me up and made me smile, you're a great writer and it's inspiring to see what time does, I'm happy for you, I know I'll find my cookie dough flavoured ice-cream soon in the future hehe, thank you for sharing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summerishere Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Time heals all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
broken1414 Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Wow! Thank you! I needed that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superfox Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Fabulous! But I'm lactose intolerant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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