novah Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Can a married co-worker be looking for only friendship? This guy at work shows interest in me as a person, but has absolutely not done or said anything inappropriate. I know he is married and he knows I'm married too. So far he's been nothing but nice and respectful. He has insisted our department go out for drinks, which we all did, and for the entire time I was there he was only talking to me. He is not sleezy at all, just supernice, friendly and chatty. He told me alot about himself and also asked questions about me. He is very friendly overall but does seem a little nervous around me. Am I being naive or is there any chance this guy could only be looking for friendship? Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 The question could also be, are YOU, as a married woman, only looking for "friendship" with this married man? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
novah Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Hi capricorn. I havent been looking for anything in particular. He is the one whos showed interest. I could be friends with him I guess. He seems like a very interesting person who has, despite a fairly young age, done alot and travelled alot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Is this the same guy you talk about in your other thread? It seems YOU are the one interested in that particular guy. Is this the same one, or yet another guy? Sorry for all the questions, but I can't help wondering why as a married woman you would be interested in all these guys. I wonder how your husband would feel if he knew about it. ~shrug~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
novah Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 I am not interested in any of them as anything more than a friend. I thought people had friends of the opposite gender? Maybe not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
novah Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 My question was whether a married male could really be interested in another female as only a friend. That's all I was wondering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
novah Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Thanks for judging me but after 6 years of being married to a self-absorbed narcissist, a controlling jealous monster who won't even let me have a mailbox key so I won't discover any more of his skeletons, who has made sure I don't have a single friend, after 6 years of severe emotional abuse, physical abuse even while pregnant, I guess I am just looking at the possibility of having a friend. I would never look for anything more than that. Before I was in a particular situation I used to judge others too. Thank God I know better now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Yes, I think it's possible for it to be a friendship and friendship only. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alezia Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 As long as the guy remains in the box of what you judge acceptable for a work situation, that is fine. Being a little flirty and playful with some coworkers can brighten up your day, but as long as the individuals know that they are married at the end of the day, that's important. Some of them will try crossing the line if you are simply 'nice' with them, while others will respect your boundaries even with slightly sexual jokes. If he falls in the first category and buys you gifts, spams your inbox on a daily basis etc... then I would simply cut contact with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 wait - i am confused - you wrote in your other thread that you were interested in the bellboy/security guy in your building at work....? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firiel Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Thanks for judging me but after 6 years of being married to a self-absorbed narcissist, a controlling jealous monster who won't even let me have a mailbox key so I won't discover any more of his skeletons, who has made sure I don't have a single friend, after 6 years of severe emotional abuse, physical abuse even while pregnant, I guess I am just looking at the possibility of having a friend. I would never look for anything more than that. Before I was in a particular situation I used to judge others too. Thank God I know better now. I think it's possible that he is just looking for a friend... it's hard to know for sure right off the bat. What worries me is the above post. Is this the man you are currently married to? If so, may I ask why you haven't left him yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tresqua Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Thanks for judging me but after 6 years of being married to a self-absorbed narcissist, a controlling jealous monster who won't even let me have a mailbox key so I won't discover any more of his skeletons, who has made sure I don't have a single friend, after 6 years of severe emotional abuse, physical abuse even while pregnant, I guess I am just looking at the possibility of having a friend. I would never look for anything more than that. Before I was in a particular situation I used to judge others too. Thank God I know better now. You can blame him for "not allowing you to have a mailbox key", or any friends, but what it really comes down to is that you allow him to treat you this way and you remain in this situation, day after day, year after year. There's a door, it leads to the outside world, and away from him and his emotional and physical abuse and controlling behavior. He's not standing in front of it right now. What are you waiting for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Oh, your other thread was very, very strange for a married woman. It does sounds as if you shouldn't be married at all. As for this thread, I think your co-worker is probably hitting on you. He should talk to other people, not just you. But it sounds as if you would be pleased if he wanted a relationship. I'm afraid your marriage is in serious trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alezia Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Yeah you are right. It's a bit bizarre when individuals focus solely on one person. Is it a possibility that he just doesn't get along with the other coworkers? The most worrisome is that you are going out of your way to have this person crush on you and vice versa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
novah Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Tresqua, comments like yours are way too predictable. It's always the victims fault isn't it? Especially if it's a woman, then it's really all her fault right? You are 100% wrong. You are also doing nothing but judging me. His LIES, which I believed in (and that he even believes in himself) is what got me involved in this mess to begin with. He is absolutely standing in the way. He makes the most money, has the car, has the connections. Has everything. I am going to leave. Just not right now. A woman leaving a man is a several year process. Why? For finanical reasons. There is a child in the picture and there is only so much money I can make. Currently, I can't even cover rent (new york city baby). No, there is no one else to stay at. Before I married and had a child I also used to judge others, especially because I could do as I pleased: "How could she do that? How could she stay with him? She's a looser, Why doesn't she just leave?" I was also super-smart, well educated, knew everything one needed to know not to get screwed over in life. Well, not so fast buddy, before you know it, something like this might just happen to you too, especially if you keep judging others. Yes, I believe in karma. Hopefully one day you will love yourself a little more and be able to love others a little more, and in the process learn not to judge others. Deleting my account as I do not expect anything other than judgemental comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
novah Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Alezia, who said he has a crush? You are crazy. Maybe you are the one who have a crush even though you are married? Jeez. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tresqua Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 He makes the most money, has the car, has the connections. Has everything. I am going to leave. Just not right now. A woman leaving a man is a several year process. Why? For finanical reasons. There is a child in the picture and there is only so much money I can make Three words "Pendente lite support". It's the law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
novah Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Lol. Yes, it's in trouble, come with something new. On another note, I thought this was 2011 and people could have friends of the opposite gender. I will NEVER EVER get into a serious relationship with any man EVER again. You, your life and marriage is surely perfect. Oh, your other thread was very, very strange for a married woman. It does sounds as if you shouldn't be married at all. As for this thread, I think your co-worker is probably hitting on you. He should talk to other people, not just you. But it sounds as if you would be pleased if he wanted a relationship. I'm afraid your marriage is in serious trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tresqua Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Lol. Yes, it's in trouble, come with something new. On another note, I thought this was 2011 and people could have friends of the opposite gender. I will NEVER EVER get into a serious relationship with any man EVER again. You, your life and marriage is surely perfect. Yeah lots of women have guy friends who "make their hearts beat out of their chests". From your other thread, about yet another guy who you want to be..um.."friends" with. This one works in your lobby as opposed to the office dude. Seems like you're making lots of guy friends lately Asking a question he would be required to answer... That's cute, clever and brilliant. I couldn't help but LOL. I might try that. The ice HAS to break one way or another. Can't take it much longer. It's torture. My heart starts beating fast at just the thought of passing by his desk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitkat973 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Possession of genitalia (or gender identity) complementary to the other person's stated preference does not equal an inability to have a platonic relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeepman41 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Is this person asking for advice or permission? Seems every time she is given an honest opinionated answer it is met with resistance or being label judgmental. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tresqua Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Is this person asking for advice or permission? Based on the inconsistencies and contradictions, I am going to suggest 'neither'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lalalollipops Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 OP stop being soo defensive, it's alittle irritating. People are only trying to help you -_-. Also, you COULD get a divorce. This is the 21st century, stop playing the victim for god sakes. If you have financial issues well that's nobody's fault but your own. Don't stay in a marriage simply cos it's 'safer and more financially secure.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lalalollipops Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I just read your other thread..... LOL omg. Some ppl really don't take marriage vows seriously these days. It's really sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilliesFan001 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 OP if you want any help whatsoever, stop being defensive and start being appreciative/receptive to other peoples' advice, that's what this forum is for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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