Coconut Twin Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Not that I am dying to email him, I am doing pretty well in fact, moving on pretty quickly...but I am curious. .. I was recommended this book by one of the OP's on here, his alias escapes me, however this book by the buddhist monk Thich Nacht..on 'Anger' is amazing! Everytime I feel anxious, uneasy, jealous, angry, in despair I reach out for that book I feel calm and at peace again.. If you've read some of my most recent threads, I was going through a complicated time with my ex boyfriend, some of it was his fault and some mine and on my part it was usually my outbursts. Unfortunately, I feel these outbursts triggered the break up, and now looking back in hindsight I realise after reading this book I cuold have dealt with my emotions a lot better instead of acting on impulse, and we probably would have still been together today. I was not overly aggressive might I add but I had trouble controlling my emotions and would sometimes blow up in his face out of nowehere. Well now I know, but it is too little too late and it is over between me and him, only a year and half we were together so why cry over spilt milk.. hay ho, on we go.. This book is miraculous, and before you say 'but I am not an angry person..', it doesn't only focus on anger it covers most emotions, emotinos that we all inhibit and it teaches you how to take care of your emotions rather than letting them all out. It doesn't help the healing process to yell at people you love and it doesn't help you move on because having a go at anyone only causes you to rot inside and become bitter, negative, unattractive and it's a vicious cycle... Basically the author teaches us to recognise how we are feeling straight away to take care of them as if it were a crying baby which needs comforting. Then as I read towards the end of the book, he recommends that people who have split or are not communicating with a loved one can reopen the gates of communication once again thruogh writing a well thought out and calm letter or email?? I hear so many on ENA advise against that, especially when one is in the healing process? So yea, what do you guys think about writing letters to ex's?? Opinions appreciated. Oh and buy the book if you can't control your emotions! Seriously, its the best self help un corny/cheesy book I've ever bought. Pretty straight forward and common sense. P.s. I'd like to add that when we said our last goodbyes, he came to my place to drop the last of my stuff, we had a cup of tea and a chat liek nothing, it shocked me that as we were chatting his eyes just kept welling up with tears, I jsut neevr knew he was capable of that. On the otherhand, I was so calm, positive and smiley, I didnt shed a tear, acted like nothing had happened between us. When he was leaving, I wished him the best, he reached out and grabbed me, hugged me for what seemed like forever, crying uncontrollably liek a little child.... So it felt really surreal that day. As he left he said he was sad for the situation we got ourselves in..and those were his last words... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiceWineSherry Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Thanks for the share! I'll 'amazon' the book and check it out myself. To answer your question - I think emails are best when two people are on the same page .... emotionally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiceWineSherry Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Is this book called: "Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames" ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snuggly Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Certainly sounds worth reading Yes, I know its unpopular here, but I think a calm, well thought out email can be a great step and allow you to move on and achieve closure. My obssessive thought are way worse than the truth! lol You sound like you are coming from a good place Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Anything by Thich Nhat Hanh is a good read. Also another really good book to read......"the art of happiness" by The Dalai Lama Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motleylou Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Haven't read the book but if you already had that FINAL meet up or phone call then there's no need for a letter. If you just went right into no contact without much closure then ya a letter would be fine.whatever it takes to get you closure without looking overly desperate or like you can't accept it and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coconut Twin Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Is this book called: "Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames" ? Hi there! Sorry I took forever to get back! Yes that's the one! It's a book for life, it has changed my whole thought process and my way of living is changing positively also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coconut Twin Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Also some simple meditative techniques towards the end of the book.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thatguy42 Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 I feel like I'm in a sort of similar position, except that my ex cold and distant and didn't say goodbye when she left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.