somegirl30 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 First of all, let me say that as a fwb I realize there's no commitment. My neighbor and I have had sex a few times over the last week and a half. The last time was on Monday night. Well, last night he had a woman over. It just feels strange. Guess this is why you shouldn't play with neighbors! Anyway, I'm not really sure what to think so some insight would be helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 He's a typical male that likes no strings sex with a variety of women. Sounds like your emotions might be getting in the way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elcie Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 This is part of the reason why I think FWB situations, generally, don't last. With sex comes attachment; not the detachment necessary for this situation to succeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Skittles Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 There are so many reasons I wouldn't mess around with a guy like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Be careful with your emotions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkly Eyes Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 good thing you are moving soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Your feelings are your feelings. what to "think" -- what I would do is as much self-talk as possible along the lines of "I made the choice to have casual sex and in making that choice accepted that if he wanted to sleep with a different woman every day -or multiple women every day -that is fine and none of my business". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Yes, that is a "problem" when dating/sleeping with a neighbor. But maybe it's good that you found out - if you two didn't live on the same floor, you might not have even known he was sleeping with other women (unless you saw them in the elevator together). What are you going to do with this new information? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 I would suggest getting yourself tested for STDs. He could very well have slept with countless others the week before sleeping with you. This is why FWBs are revolting...because you don't really know just how many people they have slept with just prior to sleeping with you. Many will also claim they are monogamous with you but you never know if they are telling the truth. When people make sex the prime focus, they are often very reckless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 FWB is basically a no strings attached arrangement. It means that you owe each other nothing, and can do anything you please. It is like one day he decides he wants to eat a burger at McDonald's, then the next day get a pizza. You are the burger, and the other girl is the pizza. You are satisfying a physical urge for him like hunger. Many people think being FWB 'means' something. It means nothing more than that, that you are tonight's dinner, but he may crave something else tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 IMO, the benefits can never outweigh the risks, when it comes to a FWB's situation. Hopefully you'll get tested for STD's, and take this as a lesson learned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Wait a second, weren't you saying yesterday that you weren't getting enough sex from him? If he's entitled to variety, why aren't you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Wait a second, weren't you saying yesterday that you weren't getting enough sex from him? If he's entitled to variety, why aren't you? lol hex. emotions are a funny thing.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 lol hex. emotions are a funny thing.... Seriously, if we can cure polio, we should be able to cure that! Besides, there's nothing wrong with intelligent choice and moderation in a casual interaction ....is there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somegirl30 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Yes, that is a "problem" when dating/sleeping with a neighbor. But maybe it's good that you found out - if you two didn't live on the same floor, you might not have even known he was sleeping with other women (unless you saw them in the elevator together). What are you going to do with this new information? Well, I won't be sleeping with him anymore, that's for sure. I just can't believe that he didn't even attempt to hide it from me. While there was never any commitment, I think I would have been embarrassed if I had a man over the night after we had sex and he knew. Why is it a woman is called promiscuous/ * * * * ty/easy when she sleeps around and when a man does it it's ok? Grrrr...double standards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkly Eyes Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Well, I won't be sleeping with him anymore, that's for sure. I just can't believe that he didn't even attempt to hide it from me. While there was never any commitment, I think I would have been embarrassed if I had a man over the night after we had sex and he knew. Why is it a woman is called promiscuous/ * * * * ty/easy when she sleeps around and when a man does it it's ok? Grrrr...double standards. I'm sorry but he is a jerk. In my opinion what he did is not OK. Technically, it might be but not morally. In any case, now you know not to have sex with your neighbors again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Well, I won't be sleeping with him anymore, that's for sure. I just can't believe that he didn't even attempt to hide it from me. While there was never any commitment, I think I would have been embarrassed if I had a man over the night after we had sex and he knew. Why is it a woman is called promiscuous/ * * * * ty/easy when she sleeps around and when a man does it it's ok? Grrrr...double standards. This was a sexual arrangement where you didn't promise not to have sex with other people. How do you know they had intercourse ,anyway and why is he supposed to check with you before going on a date wit h someone? No need to have sex with him again particularly if he has multiple partners. As far as the double standard I'm not sure where that's relevant -who is stopping you from exploring other options for sex partners? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkly Eyes Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 This was a sexual arrangement where you didn't promise not to have sex with other people. How do you know they had intercourse ,anyway and why is he supposed to check with you before going on a date wit h someone? No need to have sex with him again particularly if he has multiple partners. As far as the double standard I'm not sure where that's relevant -who is stopping you from exploring other options for sex partners? Agreed. Honestly, it's not a huge double standard anymore. I see guys that are ashamed to tell their numbers all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greywolf Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Well, I won't be sleeping with him anymore, that's for sure. I just can't believe that he didn't even attempt to hide it from me. While there was never any commitment, I think I would have been embarrassed if I had a man over the night after we had sex and he knew. Why is it a woman is called promiscuous/ * * * * ty/easy when she sleeps around and when a man does it it's ok? Grrrr...double standards. But I don't see how he did anything wrong. It's not like he's going to knock on your door and ask permission first. As for the double standard, did he say that women are promiscuous for having more than one sex partner? Are you expected to only sleep with him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I just can't believe that he didn't even attempt to hide it from me. Why should he hide it from you? Isn't that what FWB is all about? You can be with anyone you choose, at any time and don't owe anyone an explanation? You were/are fully aware this was a FWB arrangements from the get go. And besides, you don't even know if he had sex with that woman in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkly Eyes Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 But I don't see how he did anything wrong. It's not like he's going to knock on your door and ask permission first. As for the double standard, did he say that women are promiscuous for having more than one sex partner? Are you expected to only sleep with him? Well, it's matter of tact and caring about other people's feelings...personally if I had a fwb, I'd be fine with him banging other girls but I wouldn't want to hear or see them! I'm sure he would feel the same way. He had sex with her the day before, knows she is moving soon and yet doesn't care enough (is not respectful enough) to not bring a girl over right the night after knowing that she will most possibly find out. A friends with benefit situation doesn't have to be a situation where any kind of rudeness and cruelty is accepted in. I find it funny how black and white people look at different types of relationships. Just because they are not dating or aren't official doesn't mean that he can do whatever he wants and he is doing nothing wrong. My opinion anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Well, it's matter of tact and caring about other people's feelings...personally if I had a fwb, I'd be fine with him banging other girls but I wouldn't want to hear or see them! I'm sure he would feel the same way. He had sex with her the day before, knows she is moving soon and yet doesn't care enough (is not respectful enough) to not bring a girl over right the night after knowing that she will most possibly find out.. The point is, she doesn't KNOW if they had sex or not. It could have been anyone visiting, for any number of reasons. It could have been a colleague. It could have been a cousin. It could have been his sister. Would he still have to give her an explanation, or ask her permission whenever he has a female visiting? I think not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Maybe it wasn't even a woman he was having sex with, it could have been a family member. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkly Eyes Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 The point is, she doesn't KNOW if they had sex or not. It could have been anyone visiting, for any number of reasons. It could have been a colleague. It could have been a cousin. It could have been his sister. Would he still have to give her an explanation, or ask her permission whenever he has a female visiting? I think not. Well, I thought from her post that she knows something was up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greywolf Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Well, it's matter of tact and caring about other people's feelings...personally if I had a fwb, I'd be fine with him banging other girls but I wouldn't want to hear or see them! I'm sure he would feel the same way. He had sex with her the day before, knows she is moving soon and yet doesn't care enough (is not respectful enough) to not bring a girl over right the night after knowing that she will most possibly find out. A friends with benefit situation doesn't have to be a situation where any kind of rudeness and cruelty is accepted in. I find it funny how black and white people look at different types of relationships. Just because they are not dating or aren't official doesn't mean that he can do whatever he wants and he is doing nothing wrong. My opinion anyway. But as far as he knows, she doesn't care that he sleeps with other people because that is their agreement, after all. I do agree that people should be treated civilly even if they are only fwb, but I don't see what he has done wrong here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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