She will be at a mutual Friends party this weekend, need some advice and input??

[No1her]

Ex of 2.5 years, who i thought id be with forever has RSVP'ed yes to a bday party of my best friends girlfriend, where i will also be. the party is saturday night. she has a new boyfriend now. but im not convinced hes who she wants. I have read that trying to be the guy you were when the relationship first started or when u first attracted her is the best idea. I have thought about wearing a shirt i have that was her favorite, i have thought about not even saying hi to her at all, and just playing it cool, and not even acting like it bothers me. ( it kinda is right now, been thinking about her alot these past two days, hence me even starting this topic : / ) i have thought about trying to charm the pants off of her, which i am certain i can do. she is very attracted to me, and i know likes my personality. i do not know which angle to take. i think im leaning toward, being indifferent, not really speaking to her, but making everyone else laugh and having a good time with them. Now this is only a facebook rsvp, she could very easily not go, but i doubt it, i think she will def be there alone. side note - i think she signs into her friends facebooks to view mine, its kinda bothering me right now, i really want to delete them but i wont, b/c theyve done nothing. i know thats kinda off topic, but its bothering me alot right now.

 

Anyway back to topic at hand, i have a few days to formulate a plan. The plans isnt about successfully attracting her as much as it is. to make her miss me and want me back. the sex was great, but its the comradery i miss most. Her being my best friend is what i miss most. : / i am doing a little better nowadays,altho not as well tonight... but i really do want her back...

 

what should i do?

[sada88]

If you choose to go, be nice, polite and friendly. Don't play any games.

 

 

[nattpanter]

If you want a plan you should focus on a few things you wanna come accross as... don`t make a sepcific plan with details and such. That will leave you non-flexible and perhaps make you look clumpsy in your approach. One more thing, I think it will be much more successful if you don`t focus entirely on her. Instead of saying "Im going to impress her" say..."tonight Im gonna make everyone feel good about themselves" She will admire that more, rather than you doing some "Neil Strauss" tricks on her.

 

Good luck, and make sure you write how it went. My advice ain`t for free

[No1her]

Yes I'm without a doubt going. Nd yea that's the approach I was thinking, I won't make it about her, I have the utmost confidence in my personality and charisma. I can get a whole room laughing. I'll say hi then just have fun all night with everyone. This does in fact work nd by the end of the night I really do think I can have her eating out of the palm of my hand. Like i said tho. I'm not after one good night. I want her back.

[indesign]

The thought of seeing my ex with another woman makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don't know how you are going to handle it, more power to you!

[magnoliatree]

she has a new boyfriend now. but im not convinced hes who she wants.

 

what should i do?

 

She has a BF therefore, I think that you should just assume that he IS who she wants. Trying to charm an ex who is taken at a party is a recipe for disaster. Treat her like any other guest.

[sadchick83]

I wouldn't go. Also, wearing her favourite T-shirt is so obvious! If you have to put this much thought into this, you are not ready. If she has a new boyfriend, do you really

want to watch this all unfold??

 

Have you ever almost rear-ended a car on the highway because you were having a look at a car in a ditch????

 

No good can come of this. Disappear. Find something else to do last minute.

[No1her]

Seeing her with him does and has hurt, but he is not invited to this party, and i know she respects me more than that. she will not bring him, if she does I will simply leave. Yea the shirt thing definitely is to obvious, but i do know deep down it would make her happy. regardless i will not wear it. Heres the kicker. now she is with him, and yes i definitely should just assume he is who she wants. but i know she still cares for me atleast a little bit. Hate to say it, but she cheated on him on 3 different occassions with me already. 2 of which he knows about b/c i told him. both times her getting so mad and telling me she hated me but then still coming back for more. on the 4th of july we were at a mutual friends, and she would not stop looking at me all night. as soon as she gets home i get a text to come over. i fought it at first then went. the b/f does not know about this yet and i dont think im going to tell him. two wrongs do not make a right, and this is something i feel strongly about that i would never do to a g/f but this is how strongly i feel about her. I know she likes this guy, but i sometimes feel as tho shes looking for an escape from him, b/c i know when it dosent work out with him, she will come back for me. and thats not fair to me, and in the event that this happens, i should tell her to go F herself... but im still really in love with her. : / i know this is all very wrong, but im not over it : (

[magnoliatree]

Hate to say it, but she cheated on him on 3 different occassions with me already. 2 of which he knows about b/c i told him. both times her getting so mad and telling me she hated me but then still coming back for more.

 

Do you really want a woman like this? She is treating you BOTH like complete poo. All she seems to care about is herself, you can do SO much better. Seriously, stop letting her use you like a toy.

[indesign]

You need to let her know that you are the only person that needs to be in her life and then stay away from her, far far away...She needs to focus on you and the two of you being together, if she does not want that , then you shouldn't make yourself available to her. good luck.

[sadchick83]

Ok at one point you were together and now you settle for being the guy she is cheating on with her new boyfriend. Not to mention she is a cheater. I know its hard, and we have all been there, but the sooner you can get her out of your mind and not be mentally prepping to see her on Monday for the weekend, the sooner you will heal.

 

For real...her definition of respect is a 60% chance she wont flaunt her new bf in your face??? What does this woman have ? 3 breasts? She is playing both of you....exit now.

[No1her]

ive let it be known many times over the last couple months, i want her to be with me, and although each time it wasnt easy for her, she ultimately picked him. the first few months after the breakup we almost got back together several times, but each time when we would make progress, i wouldnt hear from her for a day or id find out she was with him. this made me jealous and crazy and just ended up getting us in a fight. eventually there was less obstacles to be with him. i know she likes this guy, but i know she dosent love him like she loved me. ive touched on this in other threads ive started, but she is extremely attracted to me, has always maintained that she will never feel as secure and comfortable around anyone more than she did with me. she raves about my sex and says his sucks. a few friends think she is only with him for the money. which very well may be true. hes slightly older then me and where he wants to be in life. i m not. i have a lil ways to go. this really hurts me : (

 

believe me sadchick i really wish i could forget about her forever, but i cant. I even found myself last night getting drunk and then driving by his house. i saw her car there and this should have set in by now but it hasnt. and just seeing her car was like getting a gut punch! : ((( idk how she can have this kindof power over two people. as much as i love her to pieces, shes got problems, shes got many flaws. as much as im letting her play me, I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS GUY STAYS WITH HER! SHES CHEATED ON HIM A FEW TIMES THAT HE KNOWS ABOUTTT! she has said he would def cheat on her, and thats something i have on him according to her, cuz she knows i wouldnt, but i dont see it from him. has anyone ever been in a situation like this? does her and his relationship have any chance to work out? is she just looking for an escape. should i yet againn tell him she shes doing? advice please

[No1her]

im 99.9 percent sure she wont flaunt him, that is one thing i do think she respects. she knows she dosent need to make me anymore jealous than i already am. i will also find out if hes there before i go obviously. but it wont happen. Like i said i think we will both go, ill play it cool. well all have a good time, then as the nights about to end. I think she will flirt with me and proably even try to get me alone back at her place or mine. I could be way off but i know her and ive been trying to not second guess myself as much b/c when it comes to her im almost alwas right. in a way this is me getting my hopes up, but i just know her and how she thinks. either way i will post whatever happens by sunday morning. but until then more advice is appreciated on all aspects.

[No1her]

One thing that ive noticed and is really bothering me is that i have not heard from her in over a week now since our last tryst. The last two times we did this, I guess i kinda got my hopes up and thought id hear from her a few days later at the most. I think i was expecting some feeling to come back b/c of it, but both times... nothing. it was wishful thinking really i guess. she made sure to say "its just abotu the sex" and made me repeat it to her ahhhhhhh ](*,)

like i said it was wishful thinking to think she would regain any kind of feelings after this happened. but i stupidly got my hopes up, and thats why ive been so down for the last 3 days.

[Eocsor]

Sounds like a peach of a girl. I can see why you want her back. And if she really is with him only for the money, I mean holly crap, thats one step shy of prostitution. Seriously, do you want to be her booty call while she's sleeping with him? She's basically screwing both of you and having all the fun she wants. You need to grab some self esteem. I know you're hurt but being the backup plan is never a good thing.

[No1her]

yea i know ur exactly right eocsor. and the harsh reality of seeing all the insults and judgements people make both on here and in real life about her hurt me still to this day. it sucks, it really really sucks. i cant believe after all shes done to me and all i still get hurt hearing bad things about her.

 

So i just read, that she will only be staying for the dinner portion of this bday on saturday. What shes proably doing is purposely taking herself out of a situation where something could happen between us. honestly im proably better off, b/c now this thread is pointless and now i dont have to worry about it, but... man do i feel like mold right now : (

 

I was planning on going out tonight, but now i do not even want to.:sad: EVEN WORSE IS IM STARTING TO GET AN URGE TO TEXT HER! * * * ff is wrong with me

[tresqua]

I wouldn't go. Also, wearing her favourite T-shirt is so obvious!

 

This is what I was going to write.

 

Do NOT wear her favorite T shirt that's really lame.

[No1her]

I wasnt gonna, but makes no difference now

[No1her]

i broke NC of sorts. only been a 8-9 days and she initiated the last contact, but i texted her and wrote this

"it hurts to admit, but u r not the girl i thought u were for 3 years"

this was an hour ago, and ive gotten no response. its pretty simple, I guess she dosent care. not having a good night tonight tho ughhhh

[tresqua]

i broke NC of sorts. only been a 8-9 days and she initiated the last contact, but i texted her and wrote this

"it hurts to admit, but u r not the girl i thought u were for 3 years"

this was an hour ago, and ive gotten no response

 

What sort of response would you expect to something like that?

[No1her]

idk what i expected from that, i guess i was hoping for a why, or what do u mean? to which i told myself i wouldnt have answered, then again how do i really know that i wouldnt have anyway. i guess thats just me trying to act like the guy who dosent care about her anymore, which is not the case at all obvi. when it reality, all this text was, was a compliment more then anything, and showing her that im not over it huh? : ( idk i really dont know. i do kno im really F'ed up in the head from this girl. gets better each day, but still having lapses

[tresqua]

Yeah for her it will be an ego boost. She'll read it and think "wow he's really having a tough time with this, I was really important to him", rather than "Oh, i'm not the girl he thought he was, shame on me for not meeting his expectations."

 

Considering she dumped you, she's not really going to believe that all of a sudden you really think she's this horrible person, rather you're doing that "sour grapes" thing about something you want but you cannot have. Believe me I've been on her side of the breakup many times, and when they contact you post breakup to tell you all the bad things they think about you, especially when they never said it before, it's obvious where their head is at and it really makes the dumpee look so much worse when they start playing the old "post breakup put down game".

[No1her]

i agree with u but at the same time this girl is very sensitive and emotional, i kno she still cares about me, and atleast a little part of her got sad just reading this. this text was also unprovoked and after about a week of NC, her being the last one to break this. so i think she might wonder what its about. also it wasnt really even that mean. that commetnt could mean alot of diff things. bottom line, this girl isnt like most, she knows how wrong she was and she knows she handled the breakup badly. shes extremely down on herself almost at all times, and theres a decent chance this hit a nerve or atleast made her wonder. we will talk again idk when but we will. this girl has done nothing but surprise me since the breakup. so altho u could be very right. i know that one single text dosent just make her think im not over her.

[Hubble]

Man, I've been debating this same sort of situation.. My x is attending a birthday party in a month for a mutual long time friend. I wouldn't not go, but I'm definitely going to be holding my head high and dancing and gambling (at a casino I guess?) I know it will be tough for me, but the thing is, my x chose this whole situation, so I have nothing to feel down about.

 

Go have a good time, don't (try not to) think what your x is up to, or if she'll be wondering what you're up to. If any true feelings were involved, she will wonder, and she will see that you're having a good time without her.

 

If alcohol is involved don't get too carried away, and just acknowledge her in the beginning, then find some cutie to talk to, or chat up the friends, but don't talk about the relationship with them. If it's brought up, just say you're doing pretty good, and you're happy about being out. If word gets around, and it often does, your x might realize you're not hung up on her (and you might still be - but she won't see it.)

 

As much as I hate mind games, at this point, you have to let her think you're doing fine, even if you're not inside.

 

Take my advice for what it's worth - I'm still new to this

[Danny77]

You're a TIGER!!!!

 

Get in there and charm her panties off.

Failing that....

Charm someone else's panties off!

 

Either way, you end up being charming and panties are just falling off all around you!

P.A.R.T.Y

 

Deal? .... deal.