LP90 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Long story short, GF of 2 years ended up cheating on me, lying for months and string me along. Wanted to be together still, asked for forgiveness, got it, then decided to move on from me anyway. Was all very painful to say the least. We have been full NC since june 10th. I thought if she didnt try ANY contact that long she never would, which was just fine by me. Then today out of nowhere i get a text. A text i was subconsciously waiting for all along i believe. I deleted all her contact info, so it just came up as a random number, but as soon as i opened it i knew it was her. She said, "my whole mexico trip i had dreams about you and our relationship. every tour i went on i kept spacing out and thinking about where we left off. I really miss talking to you and hope we can at least talk once in a while. I still sleep with the bear you gave me and still wear the promise ring you got me, it never came off once. I never got over you." I for some reason was not mad or feel like im back to sqaure one, but almost happy even to know she is actually sad and regretful for doing what she did to me. Now she gets a taste of whats ive been put through for months. and NO, i did not reply. I know there is no chance of reconcilation nor a friendship at this point. So there is nothing to talk about even "once in a while". I feel like i shouldnt reply at all and let her now suffer and wait for a text indefinitely. Overall though i feel its more of a test to see where i am emotionally, then it is anything else. My folks keep saying i should at least say something along the lines of, "thanks, im really busy now, maybe we can talk in the future, for now its better we dont though" and by saying so at least retain my dignity. I personally dont feel like she even deserves that much, she never respected me, lied, lead me on, cheated, etc. Never explained anything. So why should i give her the pleasure of knowing anything thats been going on with me? Im at the point where i realize she is no longer the person i fell in love with, nor want to be with any more. So what do you all think? Do i just delete the text and stay NC as i have been so far or do i text back saying what my parents recommended? I just know i dont want it to end up with more contact and going anywhere else. At the same time im trying to go with the whole philosophy of forgive and forget, dont hold grudges because eventually the world always has its own way of sorting things out. I just dont want to be stuck on what to do and lose sleep thinking about what she said. Link to comment
cjones22 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 In my opinion....DO NOT text her back! It will make you feel better!!! Continue no contact. Think about the number one goal here....moving on. Not saying that texting back will put you back at square one...but every time i sent a text to my ex I immediately regretted it. And it did set me back a couple steps. Who wants that? Not you!!! Keep pressing forward!!! I say just leave it alone and don't reply Link to comment
DN Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 To an extent I agree with your parents but I would just say something like "Thanks for your text and I wish you nothing but happiness". Link to comment
Bcom Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 I wouldn't say a darn thing. Let her be. Trust me. I had a contact after 6 whole months of NC and I stupidly replied. We talked for a few weeks on and off but then she weny away again. Flaked out like usual. It was like losing her all over again and it was about the same situation as you are dealing with the cheating. I wouldn't even give her the time of day. Good luck. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 If she hadn't cheated on you, I would say be a man and give her a polite, but non-committal, reply. But she DID cheat, so I would say stay NC. I think she is just testing you to see if you will reply. I remember when I was young and we would break up with someone, one of us would call or write our ex (no texting or email then) and wait to see if he would reply. If he did, we would all laugh about how "whipped" the guy was and how we could have him any time we wanted him. We were young, stupid, and cruel. Don't be That Guy. Keep your dignity and your silence. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 It is tellling that you spend a great deal of time debating whether or not to contact her. She didn't give you any thought when she cheated on you...try to remember that. You need to stay in strict no contact. If you check the posts that have been made on this site you will see that that is what is advised. Specifically, I recommend Drama Llamas posts regarding these situations. Go to her profile and check her posts. I think it will help you. No offense to your parents, but I don't agree with their advise. You will gain for knowledge if you do the research I mentioned. Best wishes to you...chi Link to comment
LP90 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 Thanks everybody! i also feel like i wont gain anything positive from replying. Of course my heart wants to because its only been 3 weeks, but in my head i know it wont lead anywhere positive. Fact of the matter is she did cheat, knew it, lied to me and so on. Now things probably arent going so great with the other guy and she now realized just how great she had everything when she was with me. I gave her one chance after another and even forgave her for cheating, she decided she still didnt want to be together. She made the choice to throw me out of her life, well then let her have it her way. Enjoy me not being in your life now. I just hope she doesnt try to contact me again. I just really hope more than anything that i wont be stuck on her contacting me now. Last thing i want is to stay up all night and day trying to figure it all out, like i was in the very begginning of the breakup. So far my heart rate is a bit faster than usual knowing she did make first contact though. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 You know what? Get an app or software to block her number. I *just* got myself a new phone, samsung has this function -- auto reject.. I think it'll come in handy. I'm sick of rejecting calls myself. Also, KEEP GOING! You're doing great! Don't let her pull you back into her web of lies and games. You are NOBODY'S doormat. Just let her go and disappear out of her life. A year from now, two years from now she'll really realise what she lost. Decent faithful guys are rare these days =) Link to comment
LP90 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 im starting to feel like i will have to block her number actually. She first texted me at around 6pm or so and got no reply. Then she texted me again around 12am saying "please say something.....". Again, i did not reply nor plan on it. Kinda funny to see how the dynamics have shifted though. Now she is the one who cant be without me and is turning clingy and needy while ive been doing just fine without her. I just hope she doesnt start calling me once she realizes she isnt getting responses. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Be strong and remember to keep it up. I used to go through periods where I feel better then other periods where I go alittle loopy and I start feeling mad urges to call n contact him. I know there will be MANY times int he future, you'll actually want to hear her voice and talk =/ (trust me it will happen) just remember you have to keep going to REFUSE to answer any calls n msgs. DO block the number, saves you alot of heartache. Link to comment
LP90 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 So its the day after her breaking contact and now i actually feel worse, as expected. I dont even know what about it makes me feel so down. I guess its the fact that shes texting me again like she always used to. I went 3 weeks just fine without her and now BAM, here she is again. I did not reply nor plan to, but inside feel upset because of it. I felt better yesterday knowing she now feels regret and misses me, but at the same time its almost like a bit of hope for us even though i dont want anything to do with her. No friendship, no nothing. I dont know why its getting to me so much either. All along i was subconsciosly waiting for hr to make SOME contact and she did, but now that it happened, i dont know what to think. I know it means nothing in the sense that she is just human and feels lonely and regretful, but that shouldnt be any of my concern anymore. She isnt my GF, my friend, my anything anymore, right? UGH, was doing so well too, why did she have to contact me!? If she continues to text me and worse yet tries calling what should i do other than ignore her and stay NC? Should i have friend messge her on FB or text her saying to leave me alone? I personally dont want to contact her in any way. Link to comment
DN Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 I still think you should have replied as I suggested. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 OP don't reply. She cheated and broke ur heart. Did she ever consider YOUR feelings at all?? No. Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 OP, you aren't on her timetable anymore. So just sit with your feelings for a while and YOU decide if you want to reply and then YOU can decide when you are comfortable replying. Do what is best for you - no more, no less. Personally, if you choose to reply, I'd wait until you feel less anxious as you will be less likely to regret it. Stay strong! Link to comment
Zuri Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Wow. I read your original thread a few days ago. You are in a tough spot. After 3 weeks NC I'm sure I wouldnt be strong enough to resist my ex. But I would want to be. Gosh, I'm actually glad I'm not in your shoes. Good luck and keep us updated. Link to comment
LP90 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Thanks everyone. I am actually feeling less and less compelled to reply and i KNOW i wont be replying. No disrespect to DN, and perhaps its both an age difference and lack of experience on my part. But like most other have mentioned. When she cheated on me, lied to me, moved on, etc. she never considered how i felt even though i told her numerous times. She simply put her feelings and priorities over mine. I dont see one single reason that i should care about her feelings now. I know my conscience is clean and clear. I treated her right, never lied once, never cheated, etc. I have nothing to regret. Her being guilty and regretful now is something she needs to deal with on her own. For all i know that "friend" she left me for isnt all she hoped for so now she needs a backup plan. And that just not going to be me. I was her crutch for long enough. I want to move on to bigger and better things, and she simply isnt one of them. Even within her text its ovbios its about her and boosting her ego, not about us or me. Im not going to reply not only for my sake but not to let her think she got away with it either. I think i owe it to the next guy she gets with that she remains guilty and hopefulyl doesnt cheat on him. No one derserves that much pain. I WILL remain full NC and do it for me as i have been all along. Fortunately for me i dont have her number memorized well enough to text her back or contact her even, so it helps me out to some degree. I also figure she was just having one of those hard days and texted me, probably sitting and regretting it now too, i dont want that for myself, so i will do whats best for me. Link to comment
DN Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I think politeness costs nothing but it's not that big a deal in this case - providing you are absolutely sure you don't want her back. Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 It was kind of impolite of her to cheat as well. So silence will be the only thing that will let her know that you're not interested. Link to comment
DN Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I know it was impolite - but that doesn't mean it has to be returned. But maybe that is a generational thing. Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 It's not impolite to ignore someone that has cheated on you. It's impolite to expect a response. Link to comment
DN Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Well, whatever, it's not worth arguing about. As I said, LP90, just be sure you don't and won't want her back. Link to comment
LP90 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 That i am most certainly am sure about. It was clear that she checked out months ago and was too childish to break it off with me before moving on with someone else. After everything she put me through, without as much as an apology even, there is no thought of a future together. She simply isnt the person i thought and hoped she was from the begginning. Still hurts to realize this because of the time we spent together and things we planned for the future, but i guess her plans changed and mine didnt, till now that is. The more i think about it, the more happy i am with not contacting her. I just feel like she has wronged me in the worst way possible and i was willing to forgive her, but she decided to wait for the foregivness, which was difficult to give by the way, then simply throw it away after she knew she could once again get it. She simply didnt respect me or my feelings/emotions. Unfortunately i dont feel like she deserves any politness at this point from me, i gave her nothing but politness before and even after she cheated and she didnt respond to it. No reason she would now, especially after a month. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Why would he want her back? She took everything he gave her including his heart and crushed it to dust. OP good job, keep a level head. I know it's hard when there's love cos it makes you excuse alot of behaviour that is just not on. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 If she hadn't cheated on you, I would say be a man and give her a polite, but non-committal, reply. But she DID cheat, so I would say stay NC. I think she is just testing you to see if you will reply. I remember when I was young and we would break up with someone, one of us would call or write our ex (no texting or email then) and wait to see if he would reply. If he did, we would all laugh about how "whipped" the guy was and how we could have him any time we wanted him. We were young, stupid, and cruel. Don't be That Guy. Keep your dignity and your silence. i agree with this man when girls are in there first relationship they dont know how to control there emotion and play with peoples feelings.well you know about my story i stupidly tried talking to my ex when she texted me just to have her play with my heart. not only that but your ex cheated and strung u along. just ask yourself that do you want to go back to square one? Link to comment
LP90 Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 Hey everybody, so its been almost a week since she texted me and i didnt reply. So yesteday i go to my friends house after work along with a few more friends just to hang out, drink, relax, etc. At 1130pm i get a text, and im at the point where i completely stopped thinking its her or waiting for her texts anymore. So i open my phone and sure enough its her again. This time she said "can we please meet up?" I immediately deleted it without even thinking about it. 30 mins go by and its now 12am and i get another text and again from her. This time saying, " Im begging you please reply and say something to me, please." Again i deleted it immediately. Its becoming very clear that its starting to really get to her now. But at the same time its only because she needs some kind of comfort to relieve her guilt. So looking to use me again. There is nothing there that says she misses me or us, or she is interested in whats been going on. Just the fact that she cant stop thinking about it all. Well, not like i didnt go through it either, she wasnt there for me from the start, no reason i should be there for her now, a month after we break up. I feel slightly bad because i just hate ignoring people, but she did the same to me when we were together, i just dont see why now that we arent friends or in a relationship its my duty to help her. I just know by staying NC from last week ive already recovered and feel fine. By replying im almost certain ill end up taking some steps back and its just not worth it to me. I just wanted to update everyone and maybe get some more opinions. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.