1m50L0nl3y Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I have a very close friend Rebecca, she came into my life in a moment of darkness, I was very depressed and she helped me out, in fact I dont know where would I be without her. A special person that changed me. Initially I was attracted to her, but after I saw some bad things in her and she telling me that she only sees me as a friend, my feelings stopped. Im the type of guy that can turn off my emotions real fast. Anyway we continued our friendship, to the point of being completely drunk and alone and nothing ever happening. I felt so good having this type of friendship, and also I felt relieve because she wouldnt make a good girlfriend not even if she dies and is born again. My problem began when she all of a sudden fell in LUST with me. The things she does and tells me are like some sort of porn movie. She tells me Im dumb because I dont take advantage of this, that I need to start to think only about myself and my sexual needs. According to her Im "political correct", have "too high morals". The truth is Im none of this. I can go as low as having no morals when it comes to sex. I dont have a problem sleeping around, and thats how Ive been living my life. I dont want to kick her out of my life, but she is becoming very persistent. Im single and should be grateful but I cant because she is my friend and I know her too well, and what I know about her doesnt turn me on- at all. I took a holiday in a foreign country and somehow she appeared there too... She is always telling me that she doesnt have sex with her boyfriend because she is thinking about me "she wants to be mine". I always say "you have your boyfriend, you dont need me" I find all of this very disturbing, it was probably my dream to have a woman yearning in desire for me... But this is becoming too much, I dont like to have sex with women that are forcing me, specially if I dont like them. She disgusts me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oneironaut Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Unless she is holding a gun to your head, she isn't "forcing" you to do anything. If she truly disgusts you, delete her, block her, and ignore her. Period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouseno4 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I dont get it. How can someone you find to be a good friend, disgust you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferna3069 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 well what else is she telling u? there is a diffrence between forcing and just wanting to have sex with u. is she crying and saying that u dont make her feel important or is she just offering? some girls are manipulative by crying i know how it feels and if she is trying to manipulate u then there is a problem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1m50L0nl3y Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 She is not holding a gun, but she is holding the "friendship" gun. In this moment she is my only girl friend. She saved me from darkness. And she is very good on giving me reality checks in all problems of my life. She is beautiful. But she has a boyfriend, and at least 3 other "friends" on the side. She disgusts me for sex, but not as a person Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1m50L0nl3y Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 Yeah she cries, and tells me that she cant enjoy sex because is not with me and that Im ruining her life and she cant go on like that. But I dont want to do it... I feel she just wants to score me, because now Im not reachable. For me as a guy it wouldnt bother me at all. But I think if this is just the beginning later on she will go extreme. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouseno4 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 In other words, she does not disgust you - you are not ATTRACTED to her physically. So it seems she was really nice to you as a person, but now wants to screw you. Most guys would jump at that chance, but i can see you have a strong moral centre - which i approve of. I think you need to set her down and tell her straight up - you only want to be friends, no sex involved. If she rejects your offer - you need to walk away. Oh, kinda off topic i know, but men cant be forced into sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1m50L0nl3y Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 mouseno, I come from a very religious family. So I have some moral values, deep inside. My father told me once in some dark european language "a lover shall never be your friend, and a friend shall never be your lover, always keep your enemies on your bed, and your friends by your side" So this is my way of living, once a woman has entered the friend zone she will always remain there. Theres so much power in a person that shares your deepest secrets and your body, but is not committed to you. Besides that and maybe 2 or 3 other stuff my dad has said, I follow my mundane lustful standards. If my family knew the amount of women I have slept with they probably would be disgusted by me. The girl is physically attractive, way better looking than me... Its just that I know too many details of her sex life, and Im scared of getting a disease or something... I dont know if I should give it a try for 1 night. But is that I feel she will manipulate me afterwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouseno4 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I sincerely apologise if i have offended your religious beliefs. That was not my intention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1m50L0nl3y Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 mouseno, no you didnt , I have no religious beliefs whatsoever. I wasnt been sarcastic. My father always said that in the sense of keeping a friend rather than making an enemy just for some pleasure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueMilk Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 This is an interesting dilemma. I don't think you should 'give in' and sleep with her just because she is nagging you. If she knows she can come in and burst through any boundaries you've set up then lord knows what other things this girl might think she is 'entitled' to. Tell her what you said to us: You don't sleep with friends, she is your friend. You don't sleep with cheaters, she has a boyfriend. You two can't be together and she has to realize she can't sleep with all of her friends/people she cares about. If she can't get over that then a No-Contact or Low-Contact rule may need to be used until she gets a better grip of herself. Now, you /can/ sleep with her, and that will probably get it out of her system, but in truth you don't know how that might affect her - if she'd want more afterwards or if she'd be satisfied enough to walk away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouseno4 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 OMG dont call her a cheater if you intend her to stay a friend. LOL! I would suggest not having sex with her, for a worse repercussion - her boyfriend finding out. Since you knew she had a boyfriend, and had sex with her regardless... puts you in a bad position with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1m50L0nl3y Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 Im in a bussiness trip, I invited her as a friend 8 months ago (when she was normal, before stalking me and showing up in a foreign country just by "coincidence"). She has her own room, and I told her to leave me alone while Im attending to my conference. So I have peace most of my day. Except at night. Unfortunately I cant send her back home because she paid her own trip... I followed your advice. So today I told her NO NO NO NO she tried to touch me and I backed off, she began to cry to take her clothes off, Im like * * * ? She said "I had never offered myself to anyone in this way, I was willing to be yours and you could do whatever you want with me, I guess you dont want me, it breaks me inside" I told her "Dont embarrass yourself, stop it now later on you will regret it". All of a sudden she stopped crying smiled at me and said "if you dont want to do it, this is bull * * * * " She threw me a kiss from distance and left. I saw her later on, in the buffet. She ignored me. Im so glad. I know she is aware that any public scene of drama could cost me my job, for what I know she will stop it. Seriously, this has been the craziest year of my life. But Im not gonna say anything against women, but I wanna remain single until this time next year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel85 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 She saved you. Are you OK now? If so, then realize her only role in your life was to through you a life line. She's run her course. At this point, she's only going to continue to be toxic to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaz Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 She saved you. Are you OK now? If so, then realize her only role in your life was to through you a life line. She's run her course. At this point, she's only going to continue to be toxic to you. Absolutely. No contact for life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferna3069 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 wow she cried about it? i was in that situation and some one who tries to guilt u into it will guilt u into more things.it doesnt matter if your a man or women when the other person tries to pressure u that means they care more about themselves then they do about u. my ex did the same thing to me. she would scream at me if nothing happened then made me feel guilty if something did. after that i told her i had enough and almost broke up with her. but all she would do is cry and tell me she doesnt feel beutiful and she doesnt feel like i love her. even if i told her that i just did not want to. trust me man get away its a bad feeling to have when some one guilts u into things like this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chitown9 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 The girl is physically attractive, way better looking than me... Its just that I know too many details of her sex life, and Im scared of getting a disease or something... I dont know if I should give it a try for 1 night. But is that I feel she will manipulate me afterwards. ^ Try to remember this. Please don't give it a try, even for 1 night. Too many STDs out there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 The only person she should be having sex with is her boyfriend. I can see why you would be turned off. Imagine if she became your girlfriend, she would be having sex with everyone but you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lamour detruit Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Sounds like the beginnings of potentially psychotic behavior on her part. She doesn't seem emotionally stable..I would stay far away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkly Eyes Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Don't talk to her anymore?! How old are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1m50L0nl3y Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 Sparkly this has nothing to do with age, in fact im a reasonable adult that believes in friendship. I have slept in the same bed with female friends, and nothing happened. I have been locked in bathrooms with gay friends and nothing has happened. I have been wasted in a motel room with bunch of other drunk friends watching porn, and nothing happened either. Why? because when you are a mature person, friendship is what it is. I wanted to keep our friendship because regardless of her sexual acts (which were none of my business until she tried to involve me in them), I didnt judge her. So its very easy to say "dont talk to her". But the reason is simple, even if she was stressing me with that crap, I considered her my friend. I dont tolerate women trying to tell me what and what not to do. I just dont. I dont negotiate ANYTHING with women. Even sex. I told her "NO". Now, if she wants to keep talking and hanging out with me, she can. Obviously Im not going to follow her like a * * * * * asking "Are we still friends right?" thats not how it works. If the price of having her as a friend is sleeping with her, I already told her is just not going to happen. She either accepts the facts or continue her path. Im not gonna go out of my way to avoid her or anybody. Im not gonna spend my time avoiding, blocking, deleting, failing a restraining order against her. In fact if she calls me right now and behaves like she normally did, awesome! The only thing here for her to understand is that Im not changing WHO I AM, to please her lustful fantasy. Well thats my way of thinking, and that will never change wether Im 12 or 80. Yes ferna3069, Im done with that crap, Im not gonna allow her to crash my self esteem by making me feel "guilty". I bet you feel great about yourself after saying NO to your ex, we guys should say that word more often.Women think they can manipulate decent men just by wasting some tears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferna3069 Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 thats the bad thing about me and i regret falling for the tears. even if i told her i did not want to she would cry about it and make me feel so guilty. she got her ways by crying and im not going to let any one make me feel this way agian. keep strong man. sometimes its better to let them go or else its going to bother you for a long time because she will use crying to get her way. i did almost break up with her because of this reason why i didnt at first was because she was the only person i had.i was going threw a real tough time . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1m50L0nl3y Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 I get you, sometimes caring for the feelings of others can backfire in such ways... But I hope you got over her and you are in a better place in life now, and never turn back there. As I said before 0 tolerance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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