dramallama Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Im trying to take your advise, its tough though...For me, its hard to get him off my mind--- I got a new job and have been doing good with my girlfriends and just being single, just every night and morning hes on my mind...=/ That's natural. NC is hard, but a lot of other people have done it and so can you. There's no reason why you can't. Part of maturing is doing the right thing, instead of just doing what feels good in the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 I'm so sad and feeling nautious in my stomache...He finally replied back and texted a bunch of stuff that wasn't really deep or anything I really was hopeing for, not the slightest....I want to cry it out but it won't cry out=....( I need to get a grip but ....I feel sick to my stomache about him and what he wants to talk to me about in person?....Im leaving out of town and he won't just text it or call me and talk to me...I don't get it...Is he back together with her?..I asked him to, if they are or not but he never answered me...He just told me he hopes to hear from me.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I'm so sad and feeling nautious in my stomache...He finally replied back and texted a bunch of stuff that wasn't really deep or anything I really was hopeing for, not the slightest....I want to cry it out but it won't cry out=....( I need to get a grip but ....I feel sick to my stomache about him and what he wants to talk to me about in person?....Im leaving out of town and he won't just text it or call me and talk to me...I don't get it...Is he back together with her?..I asked him to, if they are or not but he never answered me...He just told me he hopes to hear from me.. You know, I bet if you stop talking to him, he will let you go without a fuss. No offence, but this has been going on for a long time. You are just as much to blame for allowing yourself to be in the mess time and time again. But it won't stop until you've had enough of it, I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 i have not seen him in a long time now...we still txt occationally but not constant....Just trying to keep my distance..He does want to talk to me, he told me he would like to, I told him I will let him know...Thats was over a week ago almost.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 A week isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things, but you have still been in contact. You really need to go cold turkey and cut him off for good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 He told me today hed like to talk to me and wants to take me out to dinner....The only thing, I trully want to hear from him is " I am not going to talk to my ex anymore, she will not be coming over to get her mail and took everything that she had over here HOME" I feel like even if he tells me that, Im going to still need to wait before we can try dinner and giving things another shot, not sure if I want to anymore. Am happy he is contacting me and coming around again or "trying to" but I am just not as into him as I use to be.... ... Maybe perhaps Im actually getting over him this time, I got a new job, just got back from a well needed trip out of my state for vacation.... Feeling a lot more calm and relaxed The other part of me wants to see him again, but then again...I can see any man I want, so why choose such a loser? And Im not calling him a loser per say, Im just saying, why settle for 2nd best? I think about him on occation but..... I just don't think having sex was the right thing to do and basing that on the only reason I wanted him back. There is more to a relationship than just sex...I did get to know other men while I was away, he complimented me and really made me feel good about myself... My trip away actually motivated me to make as much money as possible while Im working so I can save up and move the heck out of this state Im living in...The state Im living in has more girls in our population than men, no matter why I can't seem to find a man that suits me. They are all taken in my state!! So time to move away lol.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawks1287 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 You are on the fence and clearly trust is gone... Don't even bother talking to him for the sake of your own selfish ego boost, and do not argue with me on that. I am not saying you are selfish, but because you are so ambivalent, and didn't say anything nice other than sex about him int hat last post...what is the point in continuing such an unhealthy broken relationship. Just move on, stick to the goal of making money and moving if that is what you can see yourself doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 We talked,, you'lll NEVER guess what he said his ex told him....=( but he picks me???....Im so tied up in confusion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 I gave him an ultimatum right after she gave him a ultimatum... He told me he picks me.... But is afraid Ill end up leaving him... I told him he doesn't need to worry about that, I am there for him and really just was trying to support his decision either way...=( He told me he wants to tell her over the phone..He doesn't want her to cry but he knows he has to do it, apparently she is very very emotional and according to him, she has nobody else but him.. I feel so confused. You all know how much I like this man, possibly love him even though he doesn't love me... I know im great and have so much potential and may be missing my chance with other men who would treat me better. Its been a month of not seeing eachother, but we have yet to go no contact=( I have a hard time ignoring the person I want to be with....Im having a break down right now, not necessarily crying but definetly spending way too much time thinking about everything...I care about him so much, and I know he cares about me. Why can't we make this work if he really gets her out of his life for good?.....I NEVER asked him to do this the times we split up before, I did express my feelings about it but never gave him an ultimatum like im doing now...But I still can't help but answer his phone calls and cute text messages....I will ignore it for a bit but never completely...Not even while I was on vacation, I didn't ignore him...I care too much orsomething. He makes me feel really good and I feel different with him than any other man... I finally ridded myself of my oldest ex who I started going on enotalone for in the first place...I deleted my account that I use to talk to him on with my pictures up of me and pics of him and I...I sent him one last email about 3wks-month ago---I am very ready, and I expressed this to the man Im posting about today....I expressed my feelings of not having time to play around, I want to be with a man who loves me..He also wants to settle down....I also told him I have many men who would like to take me out on a date and treat me right...He knows this and he wants to be the only man in my life...I also told him the other day that I would drop every man im talking to right now for HIM. Its not just because the sex is good with him, its more, I know its more....I don't even crave it as much as I use to...maybe im maturing, I don't know...But I CRAVE his silliness, jokes, the way he holds me, conversates with me, touches me and looks at me...Its just a feeling I cannot shake!!! What do I do? Seriously need to wait another month just to remind him how much I mean to him? He already knows hes losing me if he picks her and vise versa... Im just totally dumb founded, but Im READY to be with someone who is READY to be with me...uuuuh this is so annoying... I don't even know if I want to be in a full relationship anymore...I have a career going again , money in my pocket, taking care of myself and looking very good latley!! I guess I feel incomplete without him...I don't know!!! grrr...what should I do? Honestly? If I scouted other men and still come back to him?.....Has it not been enough time? SLAP ME!! But please do it gently... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hellhath Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 I always wonder why people use so many quantifiers for when it is obvious what they want or want to do? But, If, What? You do what you want to do, all the extra words are just there to salve the pain. You continue to struggle for the answer to 'how do I gain control over this situation'. Thats human nature. We want, even need to know how to control the uncontrollable. How to make what we want happen. The answer is you don't. You can't. No one can. You can't control how other's feel, or act. I have an old saying I learned the hard way... anything after the 'but' of a sentence is what is true and NEGATES everything before it. For example (this is me at times): I'm am completely over my ex but I have to still be there for her. We believe we make things 'happen' we don't. If they are right they come into our life naturally, without force, without needing to make them happen. You are in pain because you keep swimming against the flow; its natural that the pain and confusion should increase. NC->Work on self... will there be pain yes. Pain is natural and unavoidable. Suffering is optional and completely under our control. You've heard it before, you will hear it again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Nc for how long?....I want to feel good, I know it didn't happen naturally....neither did his parents , they were swingers in the beginning and now happily married and in love. Im not sure how to handle this...I do feel out of control "with my emotions." And if being with him makes me happy and makes him happy and if he "chooses" to be with me and not her and "plans" to let her know....Then whos to say it couldn't end up being something loving and great? I care about this man a lot, but I also care about myself. I get the NC thing, but what if NC is not what either of us WANT??? After he talks to her and calls me, what am I to say?....Thanks for choosing me but "Im not ready." when in all actuality according to my emotions and feelings I am. I am a person who for some reason doesn't always go with the flow, try to swim against the current and end up in this type of situation, only in highschool it was me doing whatever the heck I wanted to then paying a big big price at the end. I won't get into that because it has nothing to do with the present and I have pretty much gotten over what happened.... What if I want/need this person in my life? Not for my own selfish need but because I am willing and able to look past AAAAALL of the screw ups? If I can do that and he can do that, whos to say different about whether or not we should or shouldn't be together? I think he loves me and is just not realizing Im either staying in his life or walking out of it and hes coming to some kind of realization....I could be wrong, I know ive said similar before...I don't want to do it if it means me getting hurt again and I don't want to do it if everyone on here doesn't support it...=( But my heart wants it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hellhath Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 The short answer... your choice, your life, your consequences. Advice is just that advice. Take it or not, either way it will be your path. You seem to want something from your posts. Something I am not sure anyone here can give you. No one is 'who is to say'. I've worked bars for years, studied people for even more. Life moves in scripts, the paths are not as rare as people seem to think. Their choices and consequences not as unique. People seem to be obsessed with the exceptions believing they can 'beat the odds' or that it somehow doesn't pertain to them. Want and desire can be irreverent in terms of whether or not something is healthy or not. I suggested NC because this seems to be an ongoing drama, perhaps even obsession. If the question can not be answered in any way that you don't like, is it really a question? My suggestion was/is simply NC and go work on your own emotions, your own reality, not for a week, or a month, but as long as it takes to be whole without anyone else. As to being someone who always swim against the flow, that is more of a human trait that many seem to realize. I've said it before. You want control over a situation where there is none. Guarantees where there can not be. By all means do as you wish. People are as they are, not as you wish they could be, or might be. All that said. You asked for advice several times, other have given their opinions, I have given mine. Please by all means, feel free to do as you wish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delicous Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 Im screwed up, I guess...I don't choose to let go of him...Just want to be with him, so if thats wrong, I don't really want to be right. He told me hes ready to settle down, he finds me sexually satisfying, more than she ever was and we also get along like none other outside of bed...He hasn't been 100% together with me all of these times we were together and apart, together and apart because SHE wouldn't let go of him and according to him, she needs him because hes the only person she has, which I think is complete crap!!... I GET what ur saying, I really do, just choose to not accept no contact....Im just not wired that way and I don't think he is wired that way either...who knows though, he could be completley fooling me...I don't know but I like him a lot and so does he with me....Its all we need..right? I don't even know what Im saying... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nekoxchaos Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 the guy sounds a bit selfish... no offense, it seems like he enjoys the sex but seems to go back and forth between you and the other girl and who knows what other girl is out there. nc is the best way to go about it, i used to think I couldn't be able to go on NC but its been almost 6 months now and I used to freak out if I haven't spoken to the ex for a few days ! and it makes you stronger and stronger as time passes ! trust me. maybe he tells you things because he knows he can get intimacy easily? remember actions speak louder then words so he can say all he wants but if he hasn't shown that he wants to be with you officially then somethings wrong and your better of respecting yourself and letting him go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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