Realitynut Posted May 21, 2012 Author Share Posted May 21, 2012 well I just got back from Dan's house tonite. when he came walking towards me, I told him I didn't want to look at him or talk to him...I'm not sure what he said, but the next thing I knew I was in his arms sobbing. Hoping that this was going to put the final 'lid' on the whole 'i'm in love with dan' thing...didn't work. We hugged, we kissed, we talked....and the guys loading the van was getting kinda put out about it!!! lol.... Remember when I said he could always be grouchy and nasty on the phone, but then when I'd get to his house, he was always sweet as pie!!! Yep, same Dan. He alluded to the fact he wasn't 'sure' about her either. He said maybe he just couldn't stay in love...or something to that effect. for me, it was like time stood still. All the feelings, everything was still there. Of course it didn't help to see his chin quiver more than I've ever seen it quiver before, and LOTs of tears in his eyes. And cheeks. and he was not a big crier....like me....lol... He said I was beautiful...lol...of course...i tried my best...lol...he said his biking days are over, and the walks that we went on he missed. He was quite upset I didn't bring puppy. But I told him that he didn't deserve to see her..... He still wanted 'money' that he thinks I owe him...I gave him 500 bucks...and said that was IT! I said he really should OWE ME! I kept telling him that I missed him terribly...so much for acting like I didn't care.... I asked him again if he ever thought we'd be together again....lol...like after both my parents were dead....he said he thought too much water had gone over the dam. That always was his standard answer. Maybe I'll just go with the realization that no one will ever measure up, that I was in love, and be happy it happened at all. Go on with my life. Work on my house, and just be alone. Unfortunatley, I'm one of those people that when I'm alone...I'm LONELY TOO! It felt so good to hold him. And we both kissed little kisses...lots...and he patted my butt lots of times...and commented that I still had a nice butt!!! lol DANG...I wish I hated him..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Hi Carla, Sorry it's so long since I looked at the journals board. I hope you are well and things are going nicely with your new house. Hugs XXX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted October 18, 2012 Author Share Posted October 18, 2012 I was trying to update this monthly....lol...and in May 2012 got my **** from his house. We kissed and cried. then June30 he was to come down for an Aunts 100 birthday party, and she died the day before. So he came down for the funeral....we made love...or at least had sex. 4 wks later, another Aunt died. He came down....we made love...or had sex...whatever.... Life in a nutshell. Still miss him. Still love him. Lonely. Damn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 BIG HUGS CARLA XXX Does he have more elderley aunts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted October 19, 2012 Author Share Posted October 19, 2012 hahaha SB....didn't think you'd look up this old thread!!! lol...yeah, when he was here last, we both laughed and said we'd have to dig up more Aunts to die off....actually i think he does have a few more......hmmmm But what hurts was, as he climbed outta my bed, he said, 'I'll call ya on the way home' And he didn't. Ex-husband i guess ran off and got married this week. I'm feeling kinda ALONE!!! Are you sitting in the hospital bed....bored?? Will look ya up on YOUR thread....and hijack it.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Big Hugs Carla. No, I am at home. Read my journal and says how it went. Am very well, but no chemo due to present unavailability of Mitomycin. Surgeon is not worried about that at all and said they were only planning on giving me a tiny amount anyway. Oh, Bum about him not ringing. I confess that I have done that with D a few times as I've fallen asleep as soon as I have gotten home. So, is he still with HER. I still think you can do a lot better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted November 22, 2012 Author Share Posted November 22, 2012 Hahahaha...just looked at the date of this thread. Oct. 19. The exact same day that i started corresponding with the 'new guy'. lol....funny. And it was over by Nov. 19. Not funny. Sucks. Nothing like calling Dan and crying over it...hahahahahaha Gotta put away groceries. Just got this computer back up and running 2 days ago....after the MOVE i had no internet. Will tell more about 'new guy' and Dan....and my whole crappy life...for all those that are interested. Maybe i can figure out how to post a pic....of the house...but don't hold your breath.... Gonna go and make a pumpkin pie...maybe. After getting 'rejected' i have no energy. Good thing i was 'seeing him' when i was going thru the 'move' and Andy's latest bout in the hospital over Oct. 31. He helped me thru a rough time....lots of silly giggles and such. Ahhhh...infatuation...how grand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted November 22, 2012 Share Posted November 22, 2012 I wanna hear all about it. You know, even if it doesn't work out with this guy, he is the first one that you have had a real thing for since Dan. For so long, you were convinced that you would never have feelings for anyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted November 22, 2012 Author Share Posted November 22, 2012 Yeah....well....does a few weeks count? And even when i was WITH him....i compared him to Dan and he never stacked up!!! The ONLY thing that the new guy and i were more alike...was that DAN was EXTREMELY social, with large groups of people. I'm more a one on one...or couple type. This new guy hated large crowds also. And had a very cute giggle....til i irritated him. I didn't talk to him for 2 whole days....i think....we txt. And today he txted Happy Thanksgiving. I think of ENA and breadcrumbs, etc. But i sent him a txt back, and it didn't go thru. That evolved into MANY txts cuz it wasn't going thru....and i think i may have caused him to 'chuckle' once...not sure....since we were txting and he was at work. lol....he said he was making 2 1/2 times and hour than normal. And i know he makes good money. Ahhhh....such is life. Yes, today is Thanksgiving here in the states. Pumpkin pie and turkey and dressing. Do you eat that stuff over there??? If ya don't, ya should!!!!! lol..... I'm baking a pumpking pie right now...then i'm making REAL whipped cream to put on top! I know how to live!!!! lol Damn...i know he thought i was funny. How come they can't love me...faults and all....after all...we have to put up with all their shortcomings....(crap) Love ya SB....will be writing a LOT more now that I'm moved and have no one to cuddle with.....teehee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted November 22, 2012 Share Posted November 22, 2012 Hugs and Happy Thanksgiving Carla. No, we don't have Thanksgiving here, and pumpkin pie isn't something most people eat although in the state where I was born, pumpkin scones are considered quite lovely by most people. Well, maybe you will get to see this new guy again. So how come you got into arguments with him? What was all that about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 You're gonna die laughing...I made a move on him sexually...and i was rebuffed!!! lol....And then getting hot and heavy after that first rebuff....until he said , 'ya wanna go to bed?'...i said 'sure'....so i went to the bathroom and got undressed. His bedroom was pitch dark. i was use to Dan always having many candles going and music....much more romantic. With this guy...i ran into his dresser....lol So i climbed into bed, and he gasped....are you naked???? lol He also can't hear. he has hearing aids, but won't wear them. He's a very young 51 and quite vain and hunky....so anyway...he couldn't hear me or what i was saying in bed. We had our signals crossed...and being the first time and all.... he had been with me 5 times...kissing passionately and all...and never even touched my boobies....lol.... Anyway....he said he had to go to the bathroom, came back and said, GOODNIGHT...i'm tired. HUH???? I jumped outta bed and had a melt down. he jumped outta bed and had a melt down.....sheesh.... I swear...i should write a soap opera about my life.....TOV....could do a very good job....She has pages about her saga....just imagine the pages i could fill.....lol That took days for him to get over...and i don't think he ever did...really. Then the night my son stole my car and didn't come home....i was on the phone with him and told him about Dan...and the cops coming and hauling me away. He said that didn't help. He said i had too many issues that he wasn't able to handle, and that i stressed him out. I shoulda txted back... WUSS. I'm stuffed with pumpkin pie and ham....i had lost 2 pounds during the move and all....probably gained it all back. oh yeah...you don't do 'pounds'....lol Well, suffice it to say...i'm pudgy. I'll keep you updated.... It was just so nice being HAPPY and GOOFY and SILLY for a few weeks. He use to giggle and say...you're so goofy. Once he told me i was a Ray of Sunshine. Another time with txt...he said that my whole face lit up when i smiled. He'd compliment me via txt all the time...but not verbally face to face. Of course i was a ray of sunshine.....it's called infatuation! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 LOL I'm picturing the pitch blackness and the sounds of you crashing into his dresser. LMAO. Oh well, how come he wanted to sleep that night. Is he an old foggie or something? Was it just a bad night?? Maybe you should have just gone to sleep and woken him up early in the morning. Oh, that would be funny about him not being able to hear you. I don't remember you telling me about Dan calling the cops and them carting you away. Sounds like that really freaked this last guy out. Maybe you should just refrain from telling any future guys about that. Sounds like he may have gotten scared he might have to call the cops on you LOL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeynow Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 You ARE a ray of sunshine, Realitynut! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 awwww....thanks JN....he did txt me today. well...I sorta txted first. But he txted yesterday and said Happy Thanksgiving. He said he did miss me. (after heavy prompting...hehehehe) I said something about me being crazy...and he said i wasn't 'totally crazy tho', and i replied...just from the neck up!!! We do banter back and forth....me being the more 'humorous' of the two....I guess everything would be ok if we only txted...never talked on phone or in person!! I told him about the pup and me eating spaghetti together off the same plate...and i always imagine us being 'Lady and the Tramp' (a Disney show about 2 dogs). I said...and 'no...i'm NOT the tramp!' He txted giggle, giggle. Cuz i said that i missed his giggle. He wasn't ready for sex i guess...cuz he knew that everyone i've had sex with since Dan...i never saw them again. Yep. I know. I tell WAAAAAAY to much.....hehehe....and here i thought it was one of my endearing qualities.....HA Ya....when i told about dan calling the cops and me getting hauled away in my bathrobe...i cried...cuz it was so horrible. Geez SB...you'd think you'd be able to find my whole sordid story...play by play...moment by moment....gory details all included...somewhere on ENA! YIKES! I never left the house today....hanging pictures...which always makes me happy! And he txted me. And Dan talked to me an hour the other day.........ahhhh.....life is good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 Oh BTW...this new guys is not the studly biker, runner guy that i had a huge crush on. Found out he was married. Squashed that crush real quick. Never heard back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 Plus....the next day after i told him the story of the cops...in great and graphic detail...i txted him, 'no comment about my hugs and smooches'....he txted back, 'No, I don't want you going ballistic on me so I'd have to put you in cuffs.' I had txted back...RU sure? I thought you'd like me in cuffs? He said, 'nope, you don't like them' you see...i think he wants to try the 'bondage' thing....and I AM NOT INTERESTED! But the comment about 'ballistic' and 'cuffs' got me wondering if it bothered him. He said it didn't 'help'.... Easy come...easy go... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 Yes SB....it's all in my OTHER thread...lol...i only have 2...i keep hyjacking yours! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 LMAO, this guy sounds like he could be right for you Carla. I have to work again today but when I get the chance, I'll have to read up on your other 2 threads. I think you should keep txting this guy (but not TOO much - like not to scare him off anymore). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted November 25, 2012 Author Share Posted November 25, 2012 Yeah...he only txted me first on Thanksgiving....just to say 'happy thankgsgiving'....and then txts ensued. Yesterday i txted first. His last txt last night was Thank you, good night. lol after i said i hoped he felt better. Today i left him alone....and nada. I wish life was simpler. My son and i had a fight. He took my cell phone. And now he's gone.' The one that has become an epileptic. Rotton. Nasty and disrespectful. The only time he is nice to me is right after his seisure.... I'm mad right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 Yeah well, I think you should not txt him and just wait and see coz you might hear from him. Oh what a bad combination - a teenager/young adult with YOUR cell phone!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted November 26, 2012 Author Share Posted November 26, 2012 Hi SB....been home all day. Slept half the day away. At 4 pm....saw that my kid was home. Said he put my phone in my car. grrrr. Didn't txt 'new guy' all day. Heard nothing from him. I feel like i almost have to tie my hands behind my back NOT to txt him. I'm soooo much happier when we are txting and me 'hoping' that maybe he'll want to see me again. But then i SHOULD be thinking 'why???'....he couldn't handle me before...so why would he be able to 'handle my issues' if we got back together? I guess i wanted to enjoy the infatuation while it lasted....and it was still going very strong for me. Infatuation is sooooo fleeting...but soooo fun. ugh. I so enjoyed sitting on his 'reclining' couch snuggling with him and watching t.v. and he sure seemed to enjoy the kissing....which by the way was instigated by HIM!! When we were still going STRONG (lol...all for a whole week...lol) we kissed constantly...even in public. At one point i laughed at him and said..."boy you sure like to kiss alot!!!" He laughed and said 'ME?".....like it was all my idea. not. Dang....well he did say he missed me. ya never know. But i'm afraid by the time he decided he wants to see me, I'll be like....'who are ya now??" Then of course ENA folks always say, just because they MISS you, doesn't mean they want to DATE you. Gotta keep remembering that. Still trying to clean up the house...slow going...keep stopping....and look 'longingly' at the phone. Good thing i have you to talk to when my resolve weakens.....lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 Well Carla, can you take some steps to get help to handle your "issues" on your own if you do genuinely have them. Then regardless of whether he comes back or not, you will be happier and there might be somebody even better who will fall at your feet! LOL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted November 26, 2012 Author Share Posted November 26, 2012 Unfortunately after Dan, i had to dig deep....and even while it was ending....and come to grips that i'm probably 'borderline' or BPD. Read up enough on that, and it makes you want to give up on 'romance' completely! lol....there's even threads saying 'run, Forrest, run'... My counselor....who didn't do much except listen to me talk for an hour...lol...which was very easy for me to do....told me to quit reading the threads that only bashed people with BPD. They say they are liars and only care about themselves....plus put the blame on EVERYONE else. I never lie, (do care about MY NEEDS...lol) but put the blame on me almost always..... It's hard to explain. You're suppose to get 'better' with age, but it's a whole abandonment issue. I didn't give a crap about the ex-husband, cuz he DID abandon me at the very beginning when i needed him....so i wrote him off. But with Dan...it was a totally different story. Only guy in my life that i feel like i truly loved. But i never felt loved in return....well...of course sometimes i did....or even most. My opinion was we were happy 90 percent of the time....but it's the other 10% that's pretty damn bad. I'm the kind of woman that makes D run screaming......lol I guess i keep hoping that someone will put up with my faults...and love me for the good things about me...oh well.... But do i have to put up with their faults??? lol I hate to say it...but Dans kids didn't help. And now my kids are being a big stressor. I wouldn't want to bring a guy into my situation either. Other than the ONE night that the 'sex' didn't happen...that was the ONLY time that 'things' went wrong. Like he said, everything before that was perfect. Then i saw him ONE time after that night...and everything went perfect then also. He said he kept rehashing that one night over and over in his head. So i guess one night of stress.....and he just wasn't on board anymore. Even tho he misses me...hahahaha....Dan says he misses me too. Gol Dang...everyone MISSES me...they just don't WANT me....hahahaha....am i making anyone feel sorry for me yet...oh boo hoo. Just got done watching 5 episodes of my favorite show on the internet....and found a scarf i had been knitting up in Wisconsin. (for one of Dans grandkids...lol) so I sat here knitting and watching tv.....what a life. Fine for some. But i long for companionship. And not being busy at work like you SB...i guess i just have too much time on my hands to feel the 'aloneness'. When i'm not fighting with the kid. Hugs SB....and winter is just starting here....it's late fall....so that is always depressing too. Dark by 5 and cold...ugh. Enjoy your Spring...and David and the John Deere! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 Hey Carla, do you think that maybe he is stressing about having probs getting his ole fella standing to attention whenever he wants??? Wouldn't surprise me. A lot of the older men especially worry a lot about that and that their bodies can change too as they get older. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 Hey....i think i don't give a crap anymore....just wanted everyone to know!!! lol He called today, to say Happy New year...etc....and i said...'what do ya want'....he laughed nervously.... I said, i know you, you're not calling to just say Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday and Happy New Year....there's a reason..... 'oooohhhh noooo....what ya mean....." We chit chat a bit and then ...oh and Carla , by the way i wanted to ask you abou the timeshare..... I burst out laughing. Today was my mom's birthday...her 80th. My sis rented this huge stretch Limo to take the Fam for an hour and a half drive to this nice resturant. I had a short skirt on and lacey type tights/hose....and i almost felt like Brittney Spears getting out of the limo...the seats are soooo low to the floor..I felt like i was rolling around in there...good thing i am a wearer of underwear!!!! lol I'm use to my VAN!!! lol It was very fancy inside, with neon lights, wine...we had cheese and crackers.....we were ROCK STARS...lol oh yeah, after i hung up with ex...i thought....nothing.....Absolutely nothing. Kinda weird and funny in a way. But still very empty and lonely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.