r0ckox Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I don't really want to explain my story again, so I guess in a nutshell, I can tell it like this: (You can read my other threads for the full story, as it's been extremely frustrating dealing with this "friendship" we had.. especially this one since it gives out many details) On / off "thing" with a girl for many years after breaking up in 2004. In 2009, we started "talking" more seriously and it appeared we were going to start a real relationship. Over the next year and a half, she did nothing but mess with my head and emotions, feeding me false hope - while never spending any time with me, lying to me about her friends, and overall treating me very poorly. I tried to end things numerous times, and always let her come back after a month or so. I finally decided to end things once and for all in April, and have been NC ever since. Basically, she was never ready for a relationship, and only told me that a YEAR AND A HALF into things... telling me that "it was always that way!" - when I had asked several times and had many falling outs about her behavior during this time. During our last 2 conversations, I had told her that the friendship was making me extremely depressed, and that I couldn't keep it going. After a few texts back and forth, she started ignoring me - to which I called her the next day to find out why. She then started telling me over the phone that I'm psychotic, crazy, insane, she doesn't take me seriously anymore and that if I wanted to stop talking to her... to just do it. - that just because I told her how I really felt about her, it didn't mean that she accepted it, and all these other hurtful things which told me how she "really felt" about me. I've struggled with the issue that "she doesn't care" over and over again, and I guess this took the cake. After things calmed down and we were more civil, she told me she'd call me back later, to which she never did - and I didn't hear from her for a week. I made my decision after the last conversation to go strict NC and not let her back in my world, even if she did call me back that night. This was April 15th. She's tried to reach out several times. She's texted me pictures of her dogs, she texted me about a job she is apparently working at thats 5 minutes away from mine, a week or so later she texted me saying "stop being a woman." she's called my house phone, and then just last week she left me a voicemail asking me to stop ignoring her and to call her back because she "needs to talk to me" I know to continue NC and not talk to her, but I just don't understand it.. what could she possibly want to talk about? Why does she keep trying to reach out? I've made it very clear that I hated our friendship and wanted to end things numerous times... why would you keep coming back to that? I know if we do talk, she's just going to tell me she wants to be friends and doesn't want to let go of such a long "friendship" and all that nicey-nice crap... but she won't tell me what I want to hear, which.. strangely enough I don't want to hear at all anymore... nor does she realize that we've never even had any "good times" to talk about.. we never spent any time together doing anything fun... so what the hell is the point in it all?? WHY keep coming back? what's there to hold on to? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildChild Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 You've already answered your question, you've had enough. The question still remains though, is that you will never know what she wanted unless you ask. You have nothing to lose in asking, so if you find that she still wants to remain friends, you're already at the point that you won't nor can't keep doing this. So that's when you tell her AGAIN what you have before and from there on out you ignore, ignore, ignore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Some people will mess with your head forever if you let them... it's more a power and control game than it is about friendship or love. so the real problem here is that you just have to resolve to end it, and ending it means never responding to any contact from her, ever again. Just ignore her, and don't bite, no matter what she texts or no matter how many times she calls, don't respond or talk to her. Some people just want a legion of 'friends' or BFs on the shelf for the rare times they may want to play with them... they dont' really want to invest much in any one relationship, or want to have a bunch of marginal friends to trot out when they're in the mood. So she doesn't really want you all that much, but she doesn't like the idea that you refuse to play when she's in the mood to play... you're basically one of her toys that she wants on her shelf, and will throw a tantrum if anyone tries to take any one of those toys away from her, even if she rarely plays with it. Just remember that you already know what she's about and what games she plays, and that there is nothing in this for you. So just don't play! The best way to do that is to go total no contact, and don't let her bait you into even a single conversation or text back. If you have to, change your phone # or block her. Defriend her and block her from your email too. Gavin deBecker who is an expert on stalkers says that if you don't respond when someone you want out of your life contacts you 30 times, then pick up on the 31th time, they still see that as 'success' and have learned they just have to really bother you and contact you 30 times to get a response. You can see that she's basically doing that to you, trying all avenues, including bullying you, to try to get a response. That is not a friend! So they just up the anti and bother you more and more, until you never get left alone. She doens't care whether or not you want to talk to her or be her friend, she just is trying to control you and force you to pay attention to her when she's in the mood. But if you NEVER respond and refuse to have contact, eventually they get bored and usually go away unless they are psychotic in the clinical sense of the world (i.e., don't know what reality is). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 you're basically one of her toys that she wants on her shelf, and will throw a tantrum if anyone tries to take any one of those toys away from her, even if she rarely plays with it. The messed up part: That's the third time I've heard that explained about her. So sad. I agree with just about everything you've said... that helps, and it's put my mind at ease. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myheadvsheart Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 She wants an egoboost. nough said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 yeah.. maybe......... i won't give it to her. NC since April 15th, and I plan on keeping it forever, this time... it was just boggling my mind at the fact she still doesn't understand... people. they suck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 ^^ Ah, but selfish people never understand because they don't want to... they just want what they want, and don't care about how that affects anyone else... it's all about me, me ME in their minds. So you're not part of their equation unless you are giving them exactly what they want, and what they want changes from minute to minute based on their whims and desire of the moment, so you get jerked around.\ Their behavior seems inconsistent because they are so variable/wishy washy towards you, but it is actually extremely consistent when you recognize that their goal is pleasing themselves AT THE MOMENT, and at EVERY MOMENT. So they will flutter in and out of your life based on whatever whim they are chasing at the moment, only to change the next moment. They land on the flower, take the nectar, then flit off thinking about the next flower. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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