It's a strange world but there must be a way

[quirky]

I get on with my colleagues and I socialise with them. They all really like me. I can talk to them a little, we tend to talk when it's not busy at work. And I can go a bit deeper with most (we're alll creatives) but I am always conscious of not dropping the mood too much. I find it very hard to suggest a meeting with 1 or 2 of them that I feel closer because I don't know what to tell them. I don't know what I feel, nor what I need..I am just missing people. I am stuck in a loop of 'I want my friends and bf back, I want my friends and bf back etc'. I am challenging it though, it's ok, I have to. I don't feel terribly alone more like I am 'hanging'.

 

I have one super close friend left here. I worry about burdening her much though, we do meet once every 3 weeks or so. The friend that moved abroad was my culture buddy too. I went to a concert by myself tonight and it's ok. I am going to some experimental theatre next week too by myself. I'd like to have a partner to go with though.

 

I also get a bit scared of getting too close to anyone in case they leave or die. I feel fragile inside, like I want to be saved or looked after and that's why I try to not get too close.

 

I have a hobby every Monday, people like me there too. And I love the hobby. I go there on Monday and then we go for drinks most times.

 

I get this feeling..I don't know if you ever get it? Today the day was beautiful. And I feel I should be happy on such day. The fact that I am not? Makes me feel more sad or angry or guilty. I'd like to overcome that..

 

It was sweet of you to comment, thank you, I appreciate it.

[In the Dark]

Well that's fortunate you have people who could possibly listen and possibly truly empathize.

I've found those kind of people are really hard to come by where I live regardless of the gender.

 

It sounds as if, due to the break up, you lost friends along with your bf?

 

I had the same thing happen and literally had no close friends but then the close friends I had really couldn't be bothered empathizing and I did feel like I became more of a hassle rather than a friend.

As you mention, it is something which we have to overcome as we have no choice.

We eventually find a way, it's just that during that time of finding a way, it can leave someone rather alone.

 

I suppose, I have that fear of getting close to people too because of the same reasons you have, but manly leaving.

Even though a part of me also wants to be close.

Some days I reach out, some days I'd just rather keep quiet and keep to myself.

 

I understand what you mean about they day.

When I was really down, I would see an absolutely brilliant day as patronizing to what I feel inside.

I guess that's why in the past all I could deal with was grey overcast days when I was still rather down, yet seeing a day similar to what I feel inside if it were projected as weather, seemed to keep me more at peace?

[quirky]

It sounds as if, due to the break up, you lost friends along with your bf?

 

No..I have 3 best friends here in the UK. One died and the other moved abroad and I have the one left now. Me and the ex had hardly any mutual friends. I just feel very disappointed we broke up again. I really didn't expect it..he was like a good friend too ya know?

 

I've found those kind of people are really hard to come by where I live regardless of the gender.

That's a shame. It is very important to be around other creative and sensitive people if you're like that. I would have lost it if it wasn't for my colleagues and my job.

 

I also get a bit scared of getting too close to anyone in case they leave or die.

 

I only have this fear since the recent events. Because I am shocked with the losses.

 

thank you for your support..

[JonasWaingaro]

Lose is unfortunately one of the side effects of life and living. It's never easy. It's just not controllable unless we become closed off and isolated. That's not a good life, and certainly not you. It's not easy being vulnerable. With all my lose this year I can tell you it's normal to pull back to try and save yourself more lose. It takes time for the shock to fade. Ya know? Being scared is okay. We are all scared. It's the human condition to be scared of lose and change. We just have to transcend ourselves and not let that rule us and our hearts. Not easy at all. As to your friends, they have not left you. They are still here. They are within you and always will be. Your friend that died lives in you. He will always be an extension of your life. He will live through you, and the others he touched in life.

 

Beautiful days are a dilemma. I've seen many many glorious days through the haze of sadness. It's okay. Not every beautiful day can be appreciated. Again that's okay. Maybe it gives the awful crappy days when you feel great more meaning - more substance. I dunno. Sometimes the gray days are more lovely. Hope you feel better! ((hugs))

[In the Dark]

No..I have 3 best friends here in the UK. One died and the other moved abroad and I have the one left now. Me and the ex had hardly any mutual friends. I just feel very disappointed we broke up again. I really didn't expect it..he was like a good friend too ya know?

 

I can see how such a break up can hit hard, when that person was always a very important friend.

I did read about your concern of a friend possibly passing away, although I did not know he did.

Sorry for your loss.

 

That's a shame. It is very important to be around other creative and sensitive people if you're like that. I would have lost it if it wasn't for my colleagues and my job.

Making friends like that here is pretty hard to find.

I only know of one acquaintance who does not live very far from me, but due to his very busy lifestyle, gf with a bun in the oven and a four year old child who was become crazy, it's very hard to just hang out anymore.

So I try my best to find alternative methods of dealing with it, which is via the internet in most cases but even then, it can become flaky due to not being able to actually met up in the same place.

 

I only have this fear since the recent events. Because I am shocked with the losses.

 

thank you for your support..

 

Understandable when the situations which happened to you happened so close together.

It's a lot of emotional baggage to have at one time and it will affect people.

 

Hopefully you will come accross new acquaintances which lead to close friends and what you feel now will blow over sooner rather than later.

[quirky]

Your friend that died lives in you. He will always be an extension of your life. He will live through you, and the others he touched in life.

 

This is terribly sad. I find this very hard to accept.

 

thank you both Jonas and In the Dark.

 

I slept just over 4 hours, couldn't sleep. I came to work, went to the cinema after work. Cried in the cinema, didn't enjoy the film because the lead actress looked almost identical to a girl my ex dated while we were apart. I couldn't stop the thoughts. I left and went to the toilets and cried.

 

I came to the library to write in case it helps. I am on my way to my hobby, I hope I can do it. I am supposed to meet my ex tomorrow and he hasn't contacted me. I feel like nothing.

[Saffron_]

 

I slept just over 4 hours, couldn't sleep. I came to work, went to the cinema after work. Cried in the cinema, didn't enjoy the film because the lead actress looked almost identical to a girl my ex dated while we were apart. I couldn't stop the thoughts. I left and went to the toilets and cried.

 

I am supposed to meet my ex tomorrow and he hasn't contacted me. I feel like nothing.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now. The last time I went through a breakup I went to the cinema just about every other day because I knew if I went home I'd call him and the cinema felt like an acceptable place to be alone (at that time I didn't want my friends, I just wanted to be alone). I remember going to see 'He's just not that into you' and '500 days of summer' and it was awful. So many couples in the cinema and so many things on screen that I at the time related to in my own life. Eventually I decided animated films would be best so I went to see 'UP'. Well that was a big mistake! The first 10 minutes of that film just made me cry and cry!

 

Why are you meeting your ex if you don't mind me asking? Have you two been broken up long?

[quirky]

Hey Saffron, thank you for your interest.

 

Have you been out of the breakup a long time now?

We kinda broke up 2-3 months ago. But we've been in touch a bit after 6 weeks of NC. I wanted a dvd he suggested we meet. When he hadn't contacted me I said I wouldn't make it.

 

Then he texted and called, suggesting other dates to meet and questioning why I can't meet. It's all messy. But I was glad he called because I had a chance to say lots of things I wanted to say. He was upset, he sounded like a mess.

 

But yeah...why would I meet him. I don't know, I guess I just feel lost and confused. It didn't feel like it was time to break up if that makes sense.

Did you find it hard to stay NC? I think I remember your story then..you reconciled no?

[Saffron_]

I think I remember your story quirky...

 

Did you change your name or am I thinking of someone else? We did reconcile although it took a long time and things were rocky for ages. I actually don't like to talk about it very often because I'm at the stage of putting the past behind me now (or at least I'm trying) and since I've been doing that, I've been gradually feeling happier. Letting go of past hurt is the hardest thing as far as I'm concerned but I had do that to get the friendship back and I had to get the friendship back to get the love back. Do you want to get back with him? Do you feel it's fixable? It's horrible when things are messy. I remember it well

[quirky]

I had do that to get the friendship back and I had to get the friendship back to get the love back.

 

I think I feel something similar..and maybe it's my ego stopping me.

I don't know what I want at the moment. I guess time will tell. For now, I do what I can to respect my feelings I guess. Little things like not force myself too much (I tend to hate how I feel and over-do things). And slowly accept things. Today I cooked a proper meal, tidied my room a bit, sorted out our recycling..looking after my life kinda thing, it helps.

[quirky]

Today I was supposed to work till 4 but they asked me to stay on and I ended up staying till 8. I don't feel as bad as the last days but I kinda feel that the worst hasn't come yet, regarding the breakup. Or maybe it won't come, who knows. Things are slowly becoming more clear to me though and that's only a good thing.

 

I asked a colleague to come with me to a local Theatre show next Saturday. He lives close and it would be so nice to be friends, I love going out close to my home and I really like his company. I worry he might think I desire him, I did say as a joke that my best friend was a guy and moved abroad and I want to replace him and my colleague found it funny. So I hope he can see it's friendship I want. I really hope he comes but I'll go by myself anyway.

 

I will also go to the Theatre at work this Saturday, meet a friend next Tuesday, watch a movie next Thursday. I also want to watch War Horse, it comes out this Friday and I cried even at the trailer. I am planning to do all that by myself. Though I also asked another colleague I like if she wants to go to a Woody Allen film together. She's a nice girl and she seemed interested.

 

So I am making an effort to open up to new people.

 

Though the past days my most fulfiling moments are shower, my fan heater and Frasier

[In the Dark]

I would really like to make the effort to open up and meet new people.

I feel I do, but they end up just going back to their tried and true friends which I do not have.

Like I'm just that, different and interesting buzz for a temporary change.

 

So my past puts me off doing so.

 

As for the worst hasn't come yet.

Are you meaning emotionally?

Or response from someone?

 

I'm going to go to the movies tonight.

Sherlock Holmes 2.

I haven't been in a very very long time.

I miss the smell of popcorn in the theater..

[quirky]

I feel I do, but they end up just going back to their tried and true friends which I do not have.

 

I understand that. I think it has to do with age a bit. I feel somewhat similar. Everyone seems to really like me but I'd like to connect deeper with 2-3 people. Are there any foreigners where you live? Because foreigners are usually up for meeting new people, their long and trusted friends tend to be back in their home country and they usually look for new acquaintances.

 

Talking of which..

 

Sometimes I feel out of place with being foreign here. I really like my working place, colleagues and Managers and I wish I could connect with them fully. It's like I'm missing something and I feel that they are missing a lot of me too. Jokes can be a problem sometimes or unless I monitor my reactions I may come accross too direct and that's intimidating in the British culture. Also with the accent. I used to make huge efforts to have a good accent but I can't be bothered any more. And then you get this comment 'oh you've been here 9 years, your accent is strong!' Then I think..THIS is strong? Wait till you hear me when I am relaxed or when I'm REALLY not trying..lol

 

I don't like to fall into the usual stereotype of a foreigner hanging around with other foreigners but as time goes by I can't help but find it more relaxing, especially other mediterranean people. It's like...we 'get' each other. Not a million of Thanks you's and Please or social awkwardness, I can be straight to the point and it's cool.

 

Have fun at the movies In the Dark

 

It's annoying working in the evening cos I start settling at home..ugh.

[In the Dark]

We have a fair few Asians who come to the design school but the ones I come accross all seem reluctant to mingle with non Asians unless they have to.

Other foreigners are usually just passing on through, so it's pretty much a dead end there.

 

I also get the feeling I am missing something.

There are often time where I feel I am missing their mannerisms.

Just not understanding their behavior, humor, socially acceptable abrasive behavior within their circle.

 

The strange thing with me is I was born and brought up in New Zealand yet I still feel I have to put in quite some effort to relate to any social circle I come accross.

Even then I am struggling to comprehend their mindset.

Possibly because I spend so much time by myself that, I have created my own identity free of anyone elses influence that I can not understand their ways?

Or it could be simply down to just the social circles I have come accross.

A few days a ago I did mention that I feel like I am in the wrong Country yet I love the surroundings and the familiarity of being here.

 

Didn't end up going to the movies last night, ended up getting Let the Right One In.

Since seeing Let Me In which is the American remake of the movie, I can see how they have changed parts to make the movie not so dark.

 

Well, I hope things get better for you even though, it seems yuor time is spent at home at the moment.

[quirky]

Possibly because I spend so much time by myself that, I have created my own identity free of anyone elses influence that I can not understand their way

That does happen. If you spend lots of time alone interraction becomes harder. Particularly if you're in your mind a lot and your mind is creative..!

 

It feels like the right thing for me to do to stay at home a bit more so I can accept my feelings. I got free tickets for the theatre tonight but I don't know if I want to go back out again. Came back home for 2 hours to go back out the same route again. Annoying.

 

It was difficult at work today. I couldn't sleep last night, had some nightmares too. I was serving people over the phone and it was just so frustrating..everyone thinks they know better. And when they complain...most of the times there's not much I can do. It's tough feeling pain and having to be chirpy because 'it's your job', it adds to feeling unimportant and like you're nothing. It was hard to be focused and because of it and my English was not that good; I was tired and they were stressing me out. We have a readout paper on how to serve people on the phone (a dialogue example) and I usually have that around on difficult days but couldn't find the bloody thing today. It's kinda sad how effective the readout is..how effective lack of individuality is.

That's why I'll probably never rise much in a company, because I can't be generic enough.

 

Anyway..

 

I teared up a few times at work and cried on the bus back. I couldn't wait to get back home. I am starting to realise my ex is not interested in anythng more and it's a blow to my ego to say the least. I find it hard to believe he's willing to lose me. I am not deluded I know how he was with me, he was at his happiest with me or his Art. Now he's doing none of the 2. But it's really not my business any more. I was ok yesterday, felt more positive. And had a clear understanding that this is better for me long term. But since last night, I had flashbacks of him approaching other women, going on dates, kissing them and gawd does it hurt. I can only hope that there's beter things to come and that's why it is happening. When I think of that night when my friend died and my ex was there doing what anyone else would do really..but he wouldn't budge on his need for space. It made me feel so desperate. Like how do you find it in your heart to be like this? Even in a tragic moment like this he couldn't see beyond his depression/own needs. I guess he offered to be there as a friend but other people did too.

[In the Dark]

Yeha without I doubt I am a creative person by default.

 

I'd say if you are not feeling up to it, and just being there is going to bring you down, don't go.

Hopefully the people around you will understand you're not in the best of times emotionally and not back down on the next offer.

That's what worries me.

Just because I do not feel like going it doesn't mean I don't want to go ever.

 

Haven't been to live play as such in a while now.

Last time I went i was offered to be the bass player in the band but I knew it would not be right as I wuoldn't enjoy it, besides having to listen to someone who sings like Frank Schnieder and the music was like something from Grease.

 

I'm not a fan of being in customer support either.

I can understand how it would be a difficult occupation for you if you need to try and speak clear English and some peoplel are very weak and understanding people speaking with an accent.

Fortunately I do not have to use a readout paper even though major companies do make a support person do so if they do not know the exact solution or if they are wanting to hide something from the customer.

 

Coming to the realization of knowing that not being with someone is annoying.

You know in your mind that yes it is not going to work with this person yet the other part of your mind still feels sad without them.

Quite frustrating and torturous.

 

I'm sure there are better things to come for you.

At least I'm optimistic about it.

You seem to be a rather unuique individual who is rare to come by and I think there needs to be more like yourself in this World but my opinion maybe baised to the lack of such people where I live unless they are all hiding somewhere.

 

I feel when, you are already in a bad situation as you were then have your partner distancing does have a major impact.

 

I had a very similar experience in the past but a less severe.

 

I was in the beginning of forgiving my Father and it was all thanks to me ex at the time who made me want to do so.

I had little contact with my Father and had held a grudge with him for reason I do not wish to disclose.

The thing is my Father still pushed me away when I tried.

During that time, the relationship with my ex was as in she was wanting her 'apace' and a couple of days after my Father pushed me away again, my ex also left me.

 

She eventually said to me over text....."I forgive too easily".

 

This really messed with my head.

Made me hurt, angry, hateful and alone.

I think the impact of all those things made me hit the ground very hard for a while after.

 

So I can imagine how much hurt you are feeling now.

 

P.S sorry for the long post, I guess what you said struck a nerve with me.

[quirky]

I understand a lot of what you say. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for your encouraging words, it always helps and provides a perspective.

 

I had nightmares again last night. That my family were moving far away and my best friend was moving even further away. I had that feeling of knowing that within a few hours noone would be around. So I have cried since waking up. I wanted to call my best friend but I know it will cause a problem with his gf so I e-mailed him asking him to call me when he can. I want to talk to him about my ex cos he knows the whole story in detail.

 

I spoke to my flatmate about it yesterday and I think I come accross bitter or angry. That's really not who I am and I feel like a crazy woman because that's what one feels like when being around someone unstable like my ex. They don't understand what it was like, they say 'Oh he just needs to sort himself out' or 'he's not ready, if he can't love himself he can't love someone else'. And it's almost like I need to be understanding for him once again. It makes me feel that I am worth nothing..

 

I then had a look at his facebook and it made me feel even worse. How can he enjoy himself? How?? He convinces himself with all the buddhist stuff that everything is out of his control, that there's nothing more he could have done etc. I am just so low atm. I realised today that ultimately me and him get on better as friends and that confuses me on many levels. I thought about going for a walk in the park but we used to go there together and apart from that I always found it a bit melancholic going to the park by myself.

 

My flatmates have guests over tonight. I thought of 3 options. Stay out and socialise with them. Stay in my room and watch Frasier (which I love) or go out and watch something.

 

My flatmate came back from a very long holiday yesterday and I was so happy to see her, I run and hid in her arms and kissed her a few times. She is really practical and I feel safe when she's around. Though again I shouldn't feel this because I shouldn't depend on someone else being practical around the house. I don't want my housemates to move, I really like them.

[quirky]

I used to have this favourite chocolate bar that was discontinued some years back. I went to the super market today and I saw it again! I stayed in front of the product display with eyes wide open. They run a competition and have 4 different flavours out and the public chooses for a favourite that they will distribute again. I really didn't think it would come back. I was mesmerised by that chocolate bar! When it came out I thought somebody out there loved me and had read my mind.

 

I then contemplated..shall I vote for it. Because if I do

 

a) I am creating expectations/hope that it will be the winner

b)it will be hard for me to refrain from such temptation and it is high in fat

 

I did go and vote though and the flavour I like seems to be the top 1 so far..hehe

 

Same with Frasier. Yesterday I picked up the last boxset from the library and I thought..all good things come to an end. I might start on Futurama but it's not as deep. Or the first series of Frasier if I can find them.

[quirky]

I think my ex's best friend split up with his gf. I'm sure they will have single fun again..it's him that suggested online dating to my ex. He used to be single when me and the ex had split up too. And my ex started coming back to me when his friend got with someone. Ugh, hate those thoughts. Can't wait to not care at all.

[In the Dark]

I think my ex's best friend split up with his gf. I'm sure they will have single fun again..it's him that suggested online dating to my ex. He used to be single when me and the ex had split up too. And my ex started coming back to me when his friend got with someone. Ugh, hate those thoughts. Can't wait to not care at all.

 

Sounds like this friend of your ex is some nasty business when it comes to other peoples relationships.

Not unheard of.

 

Unfortunately some people are rather persuasive and some people are rather impressionable.

Some people have nasty friends with ulterior motives which constantly place other peoples relationships in jeopardy when it suits them.

e.g. possibly when you bf's best friend is single and he would rather have your bf doing the single thing with him.

 

I don't think it's fair that your bf comes back to you when the fun has ended with his friend.

His friend has too much power over him it seems.

Again not uncommon.

 

Endure the painful slog as we do when we are hurting after a relationship which we would have rather wanted to last a long time when it becomes obviously not the case with the one we love(d).

 

As I;m sure you know, it take untold amounts of time to not care enough to become yourself again.

[quirky]

You know, his friend is not a bad guy. Wouldn't call him a bad influence really. It's just easier when you have your best mate to go out with isn't it.. It's harder when your friends are in relationships and you're single. When the best mate got with his gf then my ex realised what he was missing I guess. And yes, the mate does have power over him, my ex does get influenced or impressed by other people. The complete opposite to me.

My ex also convinces himself with buddhist stuff that it's all out of his control.

 

I don't want him back anyway.. I want to feel I can rely on my partner if something happens. Plus he'll never ask me back again because we tried 2nd time and because his fear of hurting me is enormous now. So nothing to hope from him, just getting over it. Which kinda makes it easier.

[In the Dark]

I have to agree it is harder when you're the single one amongst peers.

It's like being faced with loneliness.

It bites a little when you see them holding each other, smiling, talking to each other about personal jokes and contact becomes sparse.

But at the same time I do not hold it against them.

 

Bitter sweet because I am happy to see they have found a connection with each other.

 

Using a religion and philosophy behind it as an excuse....

I have experienced something similar in the past which someone who was into astrology.

If something was not going right in the relationship, she blamed it on the incompatibility between the star signs and that the bad ending was always going to be the destiny of the relationship.

 

I guess there is only so many times you can try with someone before it is blatantly obvious that it's not going to work because one or the other is just not being how they used to anymore not matter how hard they try, or maybe this is just how they truly are and the dynamics between you and that person just clash no matter how much you love the person.

 

Not having hope does in some way make it easier as long as you are certain yourself that you have come to the conclusion that yes it is over and that's the way it is.

[quirky]

Bitter sweet because I am happy to see they have found a connection with each other.

 

Yeah, i feel the same.

 

Not having hope does in some way make it easier as long as you are certain yourself that you have come to the conclusion that yes it is over and that's the way it is.

 

Yes, I have come to that conclusion. Though I may need some more time to process it. But overall, and I don't mean this in an arrogant way at all it's what people told me, I am smarter than him, more generous, more compassionate, more imaginative. And he used to say I was so much more creative too. He is just more attractive. Otherwise he hasn't really got any qualities I lack to complement me. In some ways lately I have felt like an idiot for being in love with him. I look at his facebook and he comes accross so ok after we last spoke, more posts , more exclamation marks (I was clearly his emotional tampon)..I just feel demoralised. I know it sounds cruel but I hope some karma comes his way.

 

I went to my hobby tonight and I was talking to this guy, he was so nice and smart. Shame he's married. He is half mexican half japanese and he really liked my music. He said it's unique and he could trace influences that most people can't. He's a guitarist. I felt both happy and shy he liked my music. Anyway we chatted quite a bit, at some point I mentioned I was recently single and I jokingly asked if he has any single friends. He replied 'Oh I am sure you won't have a problem meeting someone' and I was rather surprised..because I am almost convinced about the opposite.

 

Anyway.. I have to start thinking about career stuff again soon. I want to increase my 'value'. Need to look into professional things again and try and lose some weight.

 

Last night my dreams had the same theme. The friend I am meeting tomorrow cancelled and my other friend wasn't allowed to stay in my house. It's about not being able to be close to people I care for.

[In the Dark]

I can see it being rather rare to come accross someone equally creative and expressive as yourself.

 

I'm not sure how a partner being attractive could compliment someone?

Unless you are grasping at straws?

There used to be a time when there were people here who were outwardly expressive in their forms of art but it seems to have disappeared over the years.

We still have our aging Jazz musicians playing at the local corner cafe, but that's about it now.

Used to be fine arts students and glass blower students forming bands all the time.

It's a shame that doesn't happen anymore.

It's now just metal and more metal.

 

It can seem at times that all the nice ones are married or taken.

At least the ones we can make a connection with.

 

I am also certain you won't have a problem meeting someone, the issue is finding someone who will be treating you like you should.

Or finding someone who you can click with on the same level.

 

It's annoying how dreams can be rather cruel as well.

At least you are not in confusion as to where it comes from and why it is happening.

[quirky]

Thank you for your encouraging words In the Dark.

 

Why is the music scene there just metal..? That's strange. Particularly if there's students around, there tends to be some creativity flowing..

 

I met up with my friend today and it didn't go all that great so I cut it short. I don't know what it is exactly. I have known him for almost 9 years now, he is one of my exes. He was hardly ever the most positive person around but we do have things in common. We have kept in touch and have supported each other though it is mainly me being the stronger one. I reached out last week and was honest, said I needed to see him, see a familiar face. It was very hard for me to open up because he wasn't encouraging. I don't know exactly why he wasn't..he spends a lot of time alone and I get the feeling he's in his head a lot. I know he cares for me overall.

 

He's also surrounded by crazy people and when he's with me he usually gets a chance to talk. Today that the roles were slightly reversed maybe he didn't know what to do. Unfortunately this taps to my own fear of not being loved or cared for when I feel low. I need to sort that fear out. Actually that's what I am trying to do lately by reaching out a bit so that's positive in a way. I cried on the way back and I get this strange thing where I laugh and cry at the same time. Bizarre.

 

I have 2 days off and I will go to the cinema on Thursday. I may also concentrate tomorrow and see if I can write the second verse of my song. I always get stuck on second verses. Reading some poetry or the dictionary helps. After tonight's experience I realise that I need to get back on my feet somehow as in be positive about myself and not expect love from others but provide it to myself.

 

I am almost finished with Frasier, last episodes tonight