I'm still caught up in the past...

[heartbroken_f]

As some of you may or may not know, I have posted a few messages in regards to a guy I loved with all my heart. The relationship lasted for almost 4 yrs and I believed he was the guy I was going to marry. But after he cheated and lied to me, I couldn't find it within myself to forgive or trust him again. So I ended the relationship and told him to never contact me again.

 

Almost one year on though, he still hasn't contacted me. He always said that no matter what happened in our lives he would do everything he could to stay in touch with me and he has not stuck to his word. He has not called, visited or emailed me and I am still feeling as miserable as the day I told him goodbye. Although he hurt me more than words can describe, I still long for him. I miss him so badly and sometimes I feel like picking up the phone and dialling his number just so I can hear his voice. But my pride tells me not to and I constantly remind myself that he lied to me.

 

What I want to know is how do I get over him? How do I move on and leave the past in the past? I still think about the moments we shared and the happy times that we had and cry endlessly. I feel like I will never love anyone again like I loved him and even though he cheated on me, I believed he was my soul mate.

 

Why do I feel this way and will I ever find a new love who will replace him?

[dreynolds]

Hello heartbroken,

Unfortunately - there is no quick fix to your situation.

I went through the same thing with my first love - and it took me almost 3 years to get over her. I went on dates, met other women to try and forget - but kissing them even was too much to take. As we stood there making out, I couldn't stop thinking "these aren't her lips". It ripped me apart inside.

 

You need time - first of all - even though it has been a year - it might take 2..maybe 3. As for contacting him - that is up to you - can you trust him again? The way I would look at it - if you meant that much to him, why hasn't he tried his hardest to fix things? I can understand your feelings for him - that is normal - but don't forget that it's probably a bit of "can't have what you want" either. Because if he did come back full force, and did want you back - begged you to forgive him and promised to love you forever....could you actually be with him again?

 

I'm going thorugh something now, same emotional confusion as you - but with a female friend I"ve only known for 8 months. We have so much together - things are so amazing - but she can't get over her ex, and as much as she says she wishes she could force herself to have 'those' feelings for me - she just can't. Maybe it's the ex that is the problem - maybe she simply isn't attracted to me - i don't know. The problem is - as hard as it is for her to communicate/talk about her feelings ( i need that) - i can't let go of the feeling that I think she is the one! That connection, how amazing things were....i can't let that go. So in regards to 'that feeling' that prevents you from moving on...i totally understand how you feel...and what to do....for both of us...is just give it time....

[wickedbusa]

Have you done anything to get over him? Have you been focusing on yourself and not revolving your world around what used to be? For some people it takes a few weeks, for others it takes years before they can trust again. I say continue NC and continue your healing process. If you contact him and things don't work out the way you want them to, it will just hurt you even more. You have come this far, don't look back. You will find someone who will have so much more to offer you. I know what it is like to lose someone you love. It feels like the end of the world. You have to be strong. Time does heal wounds, I am proof of that. Love yourself and get out there and do things that you love. Put yourself first and do what is right for you and no one else.

[american dream]

Your soul mate would not do that to you, so he was not "it". Be clear on that. He may have been a good guy (up to that point) and you may have really enjoyed your time with him, but someone who is your soulmate does not have the capacity to cheat on you. If you were always true to him, and you loved him with all your heart, I find it is best to just think of it like this: "I am a good person, and he is a bad person."

 

That, or you can try hate. It sounds funny, but the angrier you are with someone, you will find they can no longer make your days full of longing. You will move on, get a guy who is true and honest and loving and who deserves you.

 

Or try internet dating services just for a chance to meet someone else *and dont make mental comparisons between a new guy and the old jerk*. Just keep yourself busy and find a new guy, even if just for one or two dates. (I keep myself sooo busy that I go to the gym until 2am sometimes so that when I get home, I take a shower and fall right asleep.)

 

If you need someone to talk to, Private Message me anytime.