The lessons you've learned.

[r0ckox]

What were the lessons you learned from your last "relationship" or whatever it was you went through with someone? They can be good, they can be bad... but we all learn lessons that we take with us to the next one.

 

I'll list mine, even though they're on the colder / jaded side.

 

1) Never ever tell another soul how I feel about them. It's just useless, and in the end... they don't accept it; and nothing changes.

2) Just because they came back after you told them the "friendship" was over, doesn't mean they want to be with you.

3) People change their mind extremely quickly, without telling you; and you're just expected to understand.

4) If they're not spending time with you, they're not worth it and it's better to keep your mouth shut, go NC, and call it a day. Talking to them gets you nowhere.

5) If they lie about another person, something is ALWAYS going on... no if's and's or but's about it.

6) People project their morals onto you, but will never follow them, themselves.

7) Keep your mouth shut about anything and everything. ALWAYS. Something bothers you? Write it down somewhere and then let it go. Don't EVER say a word.

8- If your gut says "they don't care" -- It's the truth. They really don't.

9) If they didn't respect you from the start, they won't respect you later on; and behind every joke, there's ALWAYS a little bit of truth.

10) Just because they want to be "friends" now, doesn't mean there's any hope in the future.

11) Their past will dictate how they act with YOU in the present / future. Trust the things you know and the things you've seen. They won't change just because you're there.

12) The quicker you let go, the quicker you'll be healed. Took me almost 2 years to finally walk away. UGH

 

That's all I can think of for now.

 

Like I said, mine are cold and jaded - but I'd like to hear yours too!

[-Sanguine-]

1) it's not okay to make someone my life.. I can't depend on someone else for my happiness.

2) I need to think of myself and how I feel first. it's okay to care about people, but I can't forget about myself like I used to

3) if I'm feeling like he's just not that into me, he probably isn't

4) it's okay to have different style of communicating. it doesn't mean either style is wrong. just that people are different and have different ways of expressing how they feel about you.

5) don't jump to conclusions

6) if you have a bad feeling about someone, trust your gut.

7) be honest. don't hold in your feelings. it's not worth it.

8 ) if you are going to expect something from someone, make sure you are meeting your own expectations first. I hate hypocrisy.

[jooj]

1) Never believe it when someone tells you I'll never leave you, he may feel that way now but there's no gaurantee that he'll always feel that way.

2) If you're unhappy in your relationship because you're not treated like you deserve to be then don't be afraid to leave.

3) If a guy stops calling you, completely ignores you, no longer tries to do anything for you and makes excuses to avoid you but he hasn't broken up with you yet then he doesnt want to be with you anymore but he's just a coward who's trying to drive you to do the breaking up yourself.

4) Don't show a guy that you're crazy about him. Men love the chase and they want what they can't have so you have to let him chase after you and put effort into having you.

5) NC is the best way to heal after a break up.

6) Do not tolerate emotional abuse no matter how much you love the other person.

7) If one person gives up on the relationship and stops trying there's nothing you can do anymore to make it work because relationships require the effort of both.

8) Confidence is the best way to attract the opposite sex!!!

[bungalo]

Barx,

 

I know where you're coming from, but bitterness doesn't get us anywhere...I say while I can identify with what you're saying, paradoxically I have learned to (and applied this in a short rel/ship) speak up and not censor myself. I did the validation/approval seeking crap with my LTR...and now I am 100% commited to

living authentically. This doesn't mean I give voice to every single thought, or insult people..it means if I feel strongly opposed to something someone says, or

if I have an opinion to express...I am not going to censor myself. A Cold and jaded attitiude will probably hurt you more than you think.

[r0ckox]

Barx,

 

I know where you're coming from, but bitterness doesn't get us anywhere...I say while I can identify with what you're saying, paradoxically I have learned to (and applied this in a short rel/ship) speak up and not censor myself. I did the validation/approval seeking crap with my LTR...and now I am 100% commited to

living authentically. This doesn't mean I give voice to every single thought, or insult people..it means if I feel strongly opposed to something someone says, or

if I have an opinion to express...I am not going to censor myself. A Cold and jaded attitiude will probably hurt you more than you think.

 

Yeah, bitterness gets us nowhere. However, how many times can you do something over and over, and expect different results? That's what insanity is. I tried doing the "right things" - Tried "talking" to understand, tried waiting it out, tried everything you can think of - and got nowhere, so the bitterness comes from that kind of experience.

Believe me, I don't censor myself either - if someone says something I don't like, they'll know about it. If someone does something I find wrong, I'll tell them........ but what I'm learning now, is that keeping my mouth shut will be better off for ME - as people don't and won't change just because I said something... no matter how many times they "apologize".

 

A cold and jaded attitude can hurt me from within myself, but it can also stop me from getting hurt by someone else all over again. Been down this road WAY too many times to take it anymore.

[Sim54]

Always notice who is in front of you and never check out of the relationship and take them for granted because one day they won't be there any more and you will kick yourself over and over and over again for not honouring there love.

[9eliz]

1) Be content with yourself first, don't depend on someone else to make you happy or build your self esteem

2) Love means nothing to most people

3) Trust? Only to a small extent. I only trust myself

4) I can forgive and move on from someone cheating once, maby twice, but after that, it's best to just walk away

5) Not to be so set in my ways... Learn from eachother!

6) Compromise - I would love to have everything my way but that's just not life

7) Not to be afraid to let someone in, you can't protect yourself from heartbreak

[reidqa]

There is the fact betrayal cannot be forgotten nor forgiven.

 

I have a dark side.

 

There is a life after divorce.

[sumone]

some of mine that come to mind right now. in no particular order

 

* never lose myself again, nor will i give up on my future.. and that starts tomorow

* im better because of the support and friends around me

* dont be scared to share, just pick the right people... the more i shared the more i was happier and realised how much they cared

* im stronger than i thought, yes i have my bad moments.. very very bad moments with my emotions but i will learn slowly from this and grow from it

* some people are very deceitful, and will take advantage of any situation to suits their needs

* im glad im still and choose to be the nice guy... because in the end, i have to live with my actions and me the most.

* life can go in ALOT more crazier directions than i thought, i never thought i would go thru this situation.. never. but i did, and still am...now im learning to drive better

* no matter wat, i will hold on to being romantic, caring and loving.. but i will learn to better guard my heart.. not using high brick walls. but a house with windows and a door... i have the key.

 

HTH someone. its certainly helped me

 

thanks, this thread is great...

[zaza34]

1. If I can t be happy right here, right now I ll never be!

2. I am my own best friend!

3. I don t need a man to make me happy, I need a man to complete me!

4. Never accept less I am offering, less I believe I diverse!

5. Bad/suspicious/unclear things brings more bad/suspicious/unclear things!

And there are more, but these are recent lessons...

[purrbaby]

I've learned that you can't expect someone to change for you. IF they are going to change, they have to be willing to make the change for themselves. You can't push someone into growing up if they don't want to.

 

I've also learned that while loving someone and being loved is a great feeling, if you aren't happy or getting what you deserve/want/desire, then that feeling alone just isn't enough.

 

Also, it's okay to be alone and take time for yourself to figure out who you are. This one has been hard for me, but I'm taking it day by day

[Gimpyrks]

When you think you can trust someone with your heart..don't.

 

So probably NOT the best lesson but thats how I sincerely feel right now.

[Eocsor]

1) you are responsible for your own happiness, not someone else

 

2) You can never really know someone, there will always be a part that is unreachable

 

3) Having said that, if you want a relationship to work, you have to trust that the other persons intentions are good

 

4) If you can't trust someone, get out, because trust is one of the keystones of a happy, healthy relationship

 

5) It takes two to make a relationship work, you can't be the one doing all the heavy lifting

 

6) if you love someone, do so with all your heart. If you get hurt at least you gave it everything you had. It's better to live with the pain, than with the regret that you didn't try your best.

 

7) never expect someone to change. Accept them for who they are or get out.

[MissSMcc]

1. i need to have a life outside of my relationship.

2. i will never again compromise my own personality to fit in with another person.

3. a relationship should make you feel good, sure there will be arguements but when you are miserable all the time its time to say goodbye.

4. i want to be with someone who is not constantly critical of myself and others.

5. i can be happier alone than with the wrong person.

[Success]

Here's mine keeping in mind I'm still feeling very "raw" about my current breakup/being dumped:

 

1) If someone repeatedly tells you they are honest honest honest, chances are they are NOT honest!!!

2) If someone has a f*&ked up past, chances are they will f*&k you up!

3) If someone has not had parental support growing up, chances are they are going to be seriously messed up and not relationship type material.

4) Never, EVER, tell anyone about your past skeletons because they can and will use it against you.

5) Never, EVER, fully open up to someone by telling them you want/need/love them dearly b/c when someone knows "they got you" is when they lose interest.

6) As soon as the sex stops/slows down and is purposely witheld and used as a leverage tool, it's time to bail as she's got her "feelers" out looking for someone else.

7) When someone is doing wrong their guilt/lies come out in their words, and it is often projected onto the partner. Always listen very closely to the words, for they reveal the truth.

8) If someone 40 or older is constantly single and has not had a long-term relationship past 3yrs, there's a reason for it.

[r0ckox]

5) Never, EVER, fully open up to someone by telling them you want/need/love them dearly b/c when someone knows "they got you" is when they lose interest.

 

Indeed.

 

Such a shame that people can't be interested in people who they know are interested in them.... I'd never lose interest in someone because I knew "I had them" - in fact, it would make me happy to know we feel the same about each other.

[Success]

Yes, it's a major shame and almost makes me want to be single the rest of my life.

 

One day, when she is lying in bed or in the arms of a shallow man, she'll feel totally empty and wonder why she can't find happiness and "true" love, then she'll remember me and start bawling her eyes out. She HAD it, but was too selfish for her own good. Good riddance, I'll be laughing all the way to the beach sipping on my margarita.

[Success]

9) Being selfish is actually a good thing! If we aren't selfish, who will be for us?

10) You only want to get involved with someone who is truly happy with themself. If they are not, run for the hills.

11) You can tell A LOT by the way someone treats their waiter, or kids. If there are any times when it's like crap, run for the hills.

12) Don't ever change your life for anyone else. They either compliment or fit in with your life, or they hit the curb.

[r0ckox]

Yes, it's a major shame and almost makes me want to be single the rest of my life.

 

One day, when she is lying in bed or in the arms of a shallow man, she'll feel totally empty and wonder why she can't find happiness and "true" love, then she'll remember me and start bawling her eyes out. She HAD it, but was too selfish for her own good. Good riddance, I'll be laughing all the way to the beach sipping on my margarita.

 

I completely agree, although I may have to change that margarita to a jack and coke or something

[LovedHim321]

1. Never try to fill a space in your heart with the wrong person, just because this person can temporarily fill it inbetween tyrades and abusive behavior.

2. Never settle. (same as #1?)

3. Never fall in love with a person based solely on the parts you like or love. You have to like and love all the parts. That is, you must accept them and not let them be a stumble to you so much that your toes are bruised every time you try to get closer to the person.

4. Never forget why you got together and why you decided it's time to go NOW!

5. Never forget that you love yourself first, because if you are not that selfish as to do so, you will end up bringing someone into your life who is not the one you would want with someone you love.

6. Never tell yourself you won't love again, because the next time you will know better than to ever love someone more than yourself so much that you end up believing you are not worth self-love. The perfect partner and lover loves you so much that you can't help but love yourself.

 

I will love again, and it will be wonderful.

[eagleone]

Never feel sorry for them, even if they tell you they had a tough life.

Never show all your cards.

Never stop non chalance.

[hotnspicychikn]

My value is not determined by the status of my relationship

[eagleone]

My value is not determined by the status of my relationship

 

I agree on that!

[tommyben]

1. Never confide in someone else for your happiness.

2. Nonchalance.

[AutumnBorn]

1. Believe nothing I hear.

2. Believe half of what I see.

3. Sometimes people are just as shallow as they seem.

4. People lie for many reasons, sometimes to cause pain.

5. Sentiments written in a greeting card are meaningless, so throw it away.

6. Go with my instincts.

7. My happiness comes from within me and isn't dependent on anyone else.

8. If someone makes me feel insecure, leave, they aren't safe.

9. If someone insults me, leave.