He never knew what he had till i was gone

[jaygirl]

I have been dating my bf (now ex) for 4 years. I had posted here in the past about two years ago, when we had problems. The first year was lovely, i was coming from a terrible relationship so i really bonded with him and was a bit scared of ever losing him and was anxious to get married. Then it started getting into his head. He started taking me for granted and saying things like he didnt know if he could marry me etc. Well, i still stayed. After three years, we had a big breakup as he still didnt want to commit, and i spent 2months here on ENA doing no contact (last year March). Then he suddenly decided he wanted to get married, and we went to see his parents, and planned to get married this Christmas.

 

After we met his parents, he just changed. Started complaining about silly things, didnt like the way my mouth moved when i ate, didnt like the words i used to construct sentences, i would catch him giving me irritating looks when i was with him, and finally, started giving excuses when i wanted to come and see him. He would offend me and refuse to even beg, or send me a one line text saying sorry.

 

Other times he would say i complained too much. Well, along with other things, and me finally being tired of treated like a pushover, i have broken up with him. And now its like all is let loose. I broke up with him on Friday morning.

 

 

Now he is calling me almost 20 times a day(i refuse to pick), sending me texts and emails every 30 minutes (literally), apologising that he never knew what he had, saying things he never said in the relationship. He hadnt said i love you in over three months. He is begging for a second chance, admitting he treated me like , and says i should please give him a chance.

 

While i have never seen him this way, i am still worried.HAs this ever happened to any of you? Did you actually change after she gave you a 2nd chance? I love him, but honestly do not want to waste my time. I hardly believe people change,, i dont know if he can.

 

Pls advise

[Captain Obvious]

Sounds like he already had his second chance, I can just see things returning to how they were, if he could do it then he can do it now, I say move on.

[PaintWithLight]

He only wants what he cannot have. You took him back and he treated you badly. If you take him back again, it will be like giving him a blank check to do the same and even worse. A guy like that is all into power games. In the relationship, he will relentlessly try and break you. Once you pull away, he redoubles his effort to get you back so he can increase the abuse.

 

You do not need this cycle. As noted, he has had his 2nd chance and honestly, he lost respect for you for taking him back that time. Do not do it again!

[GotMyLifeBack]

Ordinarily I'd say that appreciating someone after they're gone can be an authentic experience and can lead to reconciliation if the "underappreciated" one can shake off any bitterness and be open-minded about re-engaging with their ex. However, in your case, you ex had a signficant amount of time to realize what he lost already - what was it, 2 months, or more? There's no reason to go back to that place. His history shows that he doesn't appreciate you enough to treat you right.

[catfeeder]

He sounds like a 'dance away lover'. Those are people addicted to the chase but once they've got you are indifferent and take you for granted. They love you when they don't have you and will say and do anything to get you back--but once you're back, they revert to taking you for granted again.

 

Given this guy's pattern, is there really any place left to go? Sure, you can get back with him again, but how happy will you be when he starts mistreating you again?

 

And for ghaaads sake, please don't marry him. That will cost you a bundle to get out of when he goes back to making your life a living hell. I'd consider him 'someone I love from far away,' and I'd heal up and move myself into more productive territory with an opportunity to find someone who's crazy about you for the long haul.