Lady Rashomon Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 Still feeling the fallout of my first major relationship and am wondering about people's experiences with subsequent loves after the first big one. Did you find someone better suited to you? Or was it simply a rehash of the old problems (or a different set of problems)? Can second, third, or fourth loves be more enriching than the first? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hurting85 Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 I think if you make use of the relationship as a lesson, then you get better. You learn what you like and dislike, how to be a better partner, etc. There are new and different problems, but that's just another lesson to learn. I like to think all of my relationships have been improvements from the one before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 Yes, I found someone better suited for me after my first love. In fact, it wasn't until years later that I was truly happy. In my opinion, with every relationship, you always learn something new. It's all about experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Rashomon Posted April 9, 2011 Author Share Posted April 9, 2011 Yes, that's true--I think relationships are always what you make of them, and I like to think of them as unique. I realize that the questions I'm asking are largely for validation and a way of dealing with the gaping abyss that is right in front of me. I spent a third of my life (and the majority of my adult life) in this relationship, so I feel that not being in it is like losing a major reference point for some of my most significant experiences. Hard to imagine what it could be like to start from scratch, to learn another person, to build something anew from the scrap heap of one's life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 It got better for me. I made myself learn what went wrong in the first one and although I still make some of this mistakes, I'm aware of them now and try not to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 Sometimes it's a trial and error; at least that's how I felt it was. I'm sure it's difficult for you especially for being with the other person for so long and having to stand back up to find that courage again. Fear and uncertainty can cloud the outlook while at the same time you can bring positive qualities and lessons you learned into the new relationship. In that sense like mentioned already it's a good experience even if it didn't end well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 Each of my relationships were improvements over the last. I credit two things for this: age and experience, and the longer the amount of time I invested in remaining solo in between them. The more solid I grow standing on my own two feet, the more confidence I bring to the next relationship. This enables clarity, negotiation skills, sensitivity toward feelings and circumstances beyond my own, and a generosity of spirit that cannot be enjoyed when I'm on shaky ground. Baby steps are cumulative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doyathink Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 I guess it depends on how deep the love was. My first love I was really young, and didnt fall madly in love with him. My very latest love I love more then any other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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