lgbaby14 Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 OK this is the deal! I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have lived together over a 1 1/2 year. I have been asking him for 6 months when he will ask me to marry him. and for 6 months he has been saying...."Oh i dont know..i guess you will just have to wait and see" like he is going to ask me soon...and still nothing....i think about the future and i just dont think he does! i dont want to give him a decision to make...but i am getting tired of living with him! i want to get married! What do i do??? please help....i am starting to wonder how he feels! he says he loves me.....then why wont he marry me??? Please help! thanks! lb Link to comment
JuJu Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 What do you mean you're tired of living with him? Why would you want to marry him if you don't even want to live with him??? How do you feel about him? Do you love him or do you want to marry him because you two have been together for a couple years??? It always takes longer for guys to grow to the idea of marriage than it does women, so maybe he just needs time. Hang in there! Link to comment
lgbaby14 Posted August 5, 2004 Author Share Posted August 5, 2004 well..no i didnt mean i am TIRED of living with himm....sometimes i feel like if i wouldnt have moved in with him that we would have been engaged by now..i love him soooooo much.. i just dont know what i should do about him not asking me...i mean i feel like i am living wrong...i am just confused about the whole situation....what do you think? Link to comment
Runnergrl Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Hello all. It really is sick how many posts of women are on this forum wanting to get married and the guy doesn't. What's up with these guys? What's up with us women? I wonder what makes us want it sooooo bad and makes males sooooo scared?!? Anyway..why did you decide to move in with him? Did you think it would help you get engaged quicker? I'm coming from a different perspective b/c I'm a devout Christian and wouldn't live with a male...but what do you think would "push" him to marry you when you all ready have everything a marriage does (except a ring)? Maybe he is still thinking he is too young...I just think marriage freaks out men like crazy! It is forever! I don't know if there ever a correct answer for this situation. I think "women's intuition" is the only thing that will help. Do you really think (DEEP DOWN) that this guy will marry you? Have any of your friends given advice? Maybe they can see it better from the outside. Do you feel like you are wasting your time or are you trying to grow and enjoy what you have? Much success with your situation. Link to comment
lgbaby14 Posted August 5, 2004 Author Share Posted August 5, 2004 that is why i want to get married...i feel that it is wrong... i moved in with him because at the time...i thought it made more since....because i was there every night! i just dont know if i should hound him or just leave it alone? Link to comment
JuJu Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Well, in my opinion...when you keep on asking him when he's going to ask you to marry him, it only pushes him farther away. Why don't YOU just ask HIM to marry you? Link to comment
Mun Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Girl I think its time to start looking for your own place. It's not really cool to keep asking him when he will marry you, he may not be ready. ( Remember pushy is not attractive) Take care of yourself and move out. Living together is not working out for you. I honestly don't think that living together ever convinces a man to marry you. He either wants to marry you or he doesn't. Move out. Get your life back, do things you enjoy-without him. Stop obsessing over getting married. Getting married is about love, committment, and trust. Maybe some time apart will do wonders for your relationship. It sounds like living together is not helping. Good luck Link to comment
Luciana Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 Muneca, you couldn't have said it more beautifully! You are right and it serves me right too! Link to comment
Mun Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 The reason I know this doesn't work is because I did it. Pushing for committment ( or marriage) rarely works. The best thing is to leave it alone. Link to comment
sbrew21 Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 I think if you show him independence, then he will want to marry you. Right now you are always around and you don't give him the chance to realize he wants to be with you. The more frustrated you get the less he is going to want to marry you. I would start keeping yourself busy. Don't always be home when he gets home. Sign up for a class or go out with your girls and don't tell him where you are going. DO NOT RELY ON HIM FOR ANYTHING. As hard as it is, you have to put yourself first and him second. Guys like a challenge even when they are married. If they feel they don't have 100% control of you they want you more. Just don't be available all the time. Go out of town for a weekend and don't call him. You need some space from each other. Be strong and don't show him any attitude. You will have him eating out of your palm. Link to comment
ogie764 Posted August 29, 2004 Share Posted August 29, 2004 I hate to assume, but it sounds like you're looking for marriage to complete something for you. You need to fill this perverbial void in your life with something that's just for you; a man can't satisfy every little aspect of your being. I kinda had a splurge of desperation with my boyfriend after he and I both expressed that we want to get married. I realized that if I want HIM to propose to ME, then I just need to be patient. He probably won't tell you when he'll propose because he wants it to be a romantic*(god willing)* surprise. What fun would it be asking a woman if she'll spend the rest of her life with you if she knows it's coming and how it's coming. On the non-romantic side of a relationship, perhaps he realizes that a successful marriage is much more likely if he's financially stable. Also, a wedding in america statistically averages out $30,000. I have no clue if you're shootin' for a vegas wedding or a freakin' royal ceremony, but still, realism to the budget of a wedding is very necessary if you're headin' in the trail of an engagement. Just be patient and trust that he'll ask when he's emotionally, financially, and spiritually ready to join his life with yours. Link to comment
Mermaid Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 I don't think it freaks all guys out--my boyfriend told me that he already has an idea about how to propose when the time comes, and when I told him that I'd say "yes" whenever he does, he was so excited that he spent the rest of the afternoon grinning. Every guy is different. And maybe if you stop pressuring your guy, he'll come around. Perhaps he wants to surprise you, but since you keep bringing it up he feels it won't be a big enough surprise... Link to comment
Luciana Posted September 2, 2004 Share Posted September 2, 2004 >>Every guy is different. And maybe if you stop pressuring your guy, >>he'll come around. Perhaps he wants to surprise you, but since you >>keep bringing it up he feels it won't be a big enough surprise... Problem with this is that you wait and wait and wait, if they are commitment phobics. I used to think that way too: "If I don't pressure him and don't talk about commitment/marriage, he will want to do it. BS: it was good for him. Weeks and months would go by and nothing. Years would go by. One day you realize that and you see what a trap it is. I would think If I am very nice with him he will want to propose". The most niceness didn't guarantee anything. WHen a man doensst want to marry a woman he will not NO MATTER WHAT SHE DOES. And when they want you they will end over backwards if they need to. That's why you need to give YOURSELF a deadline for waiting. Iff nothing happens after that (say, one year, 6 months, 2 years, depending on how long you've been together), bolt. Leave and find a man whose train is going on the same speed as yours. Link to comment
upstatemedic Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 It's possible that you've got yourself in a catch .22 here. First, you ask your guy to marry you. He says no, because he doesn't want his proposal to seem like it's in response to your request. He wants it to be genuine, not prompted. Next, he waits, hoping that the issue will die down and that he'll re-gain his spontenaity. You, in the mean time, get itchy again. You ask him again. His clock gets reset to zero, and any semblance of spontenaity he had is gone. No guy wants to look in on his relationship from outside (which most guys do constantly) and see a guy that proposed to his girlfriend because she was nagging him to do it. He wants to look in from the outside and see a guy who was confident in what he wanted, and who showed that confidence through his well-planned but surprise proposal. It does sound like living with him is confusing you, however. You might be well to get your own place and see each other from that perspective for a while. If you do it right, it won't point the relationship in a bad direction - it'll point it in a healthy one. Link to comment
Rockymountainhigh Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 I think guys want to be the ones who do the asking and don't want pressure. Link to comment
Rockymountainhigh Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 But Luciana has a point. Maybe you have to make a dead line for yourself, don't even have to tell him about it, until when are you willing to wait without bringing it up and if he doesn't say anything by then, you either ask him about it or you say that's it Link to comment
Jennyve21 Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Here is one thing that sticks in my mind, its something my mother said to me it goes like this "you will never marry him if you move in with him" Go figure. Link to comment
Nikki28 Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 so what are women suppose to do then? tip toe around them because they dont want to feel "pressured" this is rediculous! if a man wasnt ready and they knew they were going to lose that person because she was ready and he wasnt wouldnt he do it anyways because he loved her? it seems like women are ALWAYS willing to do that for a man but a man wouldnt do that for a woman Link to comment
Serendipity1607307077 Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 Perhaps your boyfriend isnt' ready for that sort of committment. Marriage is more than just a word, it's almost like a promise to be with someone for the rest of their life... and while he probably does want to be with you for the rest of your life, he is a bit worried about the whole situation. My recommendation is that you should perhaps propose to him instead - there is nothing wrong with that. Link to comment
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