Finding new things to do & making new friends

[hitone]

These are the things that most help you to heal after a break-up, I know that because this isn't the first time I've been here.

I've just created this thread to get some ideas of what to actually do. The last time I had a ltr break-up I was much younger. I spent about 18 months in terrible depression, then finally got up and went travelling, worked in bars, made tons of new friends, learned how to laugh again and eventually met a new girlfriend. I finally moved on completely and life seemed wonderful again. That girlfriend is the one I am grieving for now. Its been almost a year since I saw her or spoke to her.

 

The thing is, I'm older now and travelling and all the things I did when I was younger aren't really things I am in a position to do now.

No matter where you are or who you are with, you feel like you're somewhere you're not supposed to be, or not you're somewhere you are should to be. Sound farmilliar?

 

Join a group, find new hobbies, volunteer for stuff, I hear that a lot. But which groups? Which hobbies? Volunteer for what?

Its so daunting starting a whole new life and trying to make new friends when you feel so lost. You have to do it at a time when you're least prepared for it, but it has to be done sooner or later, so I'm just after some suggestions really. What did you try? How is/was it for you?

[superfox]

Fun classes in belly dancing or pole dancing, something out of the norm where everyone is not a perfect 10 but doing it for fun. If you like sewing then 'stitch and * * * * * ' groups that meet up once a week. If you like animals, ask about the odd afternoon volunteering in an animal shelter, if you have a talent go to an old folks home and share, if you have a well behaved dog think about visiting hospitals, childrens wards. Take what you have an interest in or want to learn and go from there. My ex sil helps a blind lady once a month and reads to her. Community gardens are great to get to know people in your area, if you're into heavier stuff then local pubs that have bands on - no-one will be watching you and judging you for that!

[2much2early]

Most people will tell you to join groups, find hobbies and volunteer for stuff you enjoy. But by the sound of it, you probably don't know what you enjoy yet. So try everything and give it a good chance. I push myself to try at least 2 new things a year. But I don't just try it once, I set a goal for how involved I want to become.

 

Want to try a sport? Join a non-competitive league and really push yourself to be get good at that sport. Considering summer is approaching I would suggest soccer, volleyball, baseball or golf. Join co-ed leagues to meet girls.

 

Want to try a hobby? Research some hobbies on the net for a day or two then decide one you'd like to try. Set a goal for the skill level you want to achieve. If you want to meet new people, choose a hobby that will allow you to.

Check out this website for suggestions: link removed

 

Also, check out link removed

 

And stay positive, don't look at this as a chore. Once you start joining stuff and growing it'll get exciting.

[hitone]

Actually I do have a few things I like doing, I'm really looking for something else to try though. I'm a lifelong musician and I play a lot, I love that and it has taken me to some great places and introduced me to some amazing people. What I was thinking when I created this thread is maybe someone might suggest something I might never have thought of. You never know where something like that can take you. Maybe someone else might be flicking through this thread and see something and think hey maybe that's something I might try!

I have an adventurous nature, although at a time like this it's kinda stiffled by how I feel, but something new, something different could make a huge difference. I might try some things that turn out to be crap, but its still better than sitting here wondering, nothing can be much more crap than that.

 

Thanks for the links and the kind words

[thagator]

Basketball, fishing, and spending time with my two dogs seems to help.

[Metta2]

I'm in the same boat, hitone, looking for new activities to keep me busy. Some activities I'm considering are joining an Astronomy Club, Bird Watching Group, a Hiking Club, or a Meditation Group. I like nature and science, so I figure it is worth a shot! Good luck in your search.

 

@2much2early: Thank you for those website links, it gave me some great ideas!

[bever]

I don't have a lot of ideas right now. I'm still unable to even get out of bed most days! But I love this idea for a thread. I have looked up meditation classes in my area, so I might try that. It's also really good to reach out to friends, and try out some of the things that they are into. You will deepen your bond and discover a new hobby!

[2much2early]

Another thing I would suggest is try to try a new strategy considering your interest in traveling. If you were considering traveling to a new country, how would you go about planning your trip? Now take that same strategy and apply it to your current residence. Think about it, there must be some people who travel to your city or area. What do those people try when they visit?

 

And if you truly are adventurous, I would suggest some of the follow:

 

1) Snowboarding in the winter - fantastic hobby that can be extremely exhilarating and gives you an excuse to travel to new places to try different mountains.

 

2) Geocaching - link removed I've never tried this personally, but I think it looks pretty interesting. Check it out.

 

3) Rock climbing - You can easily start indoors and gradually move to harder climbs as you progress. Very challenging but fun.

 

4) Learn to fly - this might be expensive but it's something I've personally always wanted to do. How many people do you know can fly a plane? Could you imagine taking a girl on a plane ride as a first date? Talk about a smooth operator.

 

5) Going to the gym - I highly recommend going to the gym and learning how to properly workout. Compound exercises and proper diet. This is a hobby in itself because you have to completely change your lifestyle to reach your goals. I have some friends who got so into it they set goals to enter competitions. They look amazing and their moods/confidence/happiness has increased greatly. It didn't take them long at all to find relationships.

 

Hope those help! Enjoy.