When does this ever stop?

[jaygirl]

Hi everyone. By this time last year, i was in no contact with my bf because he said he didnt know if i was the one and then we broke up. Few months later, we came back together, and after about a month, he started going on and on about wanting to marry me (he came up with this on his own).

 

He took me to his parents over christmas and told them i was the one he wanted to marry.

Now fast forward a month later, i noticed he had said he wanted us to get married but hadnt given me a hint of when yet. (this is our fourth year together). So last month, i brought it up, told him i would like to have an idea, as in when he plans to meet my parents, and when he plans to have the wedding. To my surprise, he started telling me i was pressuring him! ( i had only asked two questions). So i backed off. Afterwards, he still kept mentioning marriage at least once a week. telling me i would make the best wife, talking about plans for when we get married, etc. But still no time frame

 

Yesterday, i decided to ask him the question again, and he flared up, that i was stressing and pressuring him. That he has said he wants us to marry but hasnt thought of when he wants the wedding to be. That he is not yet ready for a wedding. I tried to ask what he meant by not ready, was it finances, emotionally, etc, he got upset and refused to talk to me for the rest of the day.

 

I dont get actually, i dont think i did anything wrong. infact, his attitude is making me suspect that he is actually just stringing me along with this issue of marriage, cos i dunno why giving me a time frame would be difficult. What do you think?

[DN]

I think you have every right to be annoyed and suspicious. I think he is stringing you along. If I were you I would tell him that you don't think he is serious about getting married and therefore it is time for you to move on.

 

Don't give him an ultimatum - just tell him your decison. Then see what he does. But be prepared to walk away.

[ForumGuy]

Sounds like a selfish and immature brat stringing you along. His actions are not in line with his words. I think you should do as DN says, word for word.

[eternalsunrise]

I agree with DN and Forumguy. I think he's found a way to string you along in his selfish need to just have you there.

EVEN IF he actually does intend on marrying you (which we've established isn't likely) the way he's handling a mutually important decision as if it is all HIM and HIS LIFE is a huge red flag. I wouldn't want to be married to someone and spend the rest of my life with someone who will always take this control freak attitude over things that mutually affect our lives. That stonewalling is beyond disrespectful. If I were you, I'd tell him that "I'm not sure I feel we're a match anymore, much more if I want to marry you. I need some time to myself." And move on the best you can.

[MissLiv]

If anything you should be the one who feels "pressured." Have you asked him these questions in the spur of the moment? Like when he says "you would make such wife" and all the stuff, do you ever ask right then something like "when will this all be?" That way, when he accuses you of "pressuring" him, you can respond "you brought it up."

 

He does sound like he's stringing you along but you can't tell just by a forum. He does, however, need to be told off. He can't possibly think he can make those kind of comments without getting those kind of questions

[jaygirl]

Its so funny, unbelievable. Apart from a text from him telling me that i am pressuring and stressing him, and accusing me that i am upset because he refused to do play the puppet by doing what i want (which i guess is give me a time frame) i Havent heard from him and haven't spoken to him myself. Should have a talk with him next week after which i pack my belongings. I have come a long way from last year, struggling with insecurities and the likes, i emerged a more confident woman. Wont let anyone take me for a doormat.

 

Unbelievable!!!