whatnow44 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 After four years together, my bf and I broke up last Oct. 2010. He met someone else and fell head over heels in love with her in a matter of a couple of weeks. When I discovered he was seeing someone else, they were already madly in love and getting ready to move in together. I had no idea he was already seeing someone because he was still coming over to see me occasionally. When I found out, my heart was broken. Well they were together for 2-1/2 months and had a huge fight at a bar and she left him at the bar and went home with another guy. She ended up spending the night and weekend with this other guy and then started seeing this new guy on a regular basis. My ex flipped out and called her and told her he was still madly in love with her. My ex came back to me and begged me to take him back. I kept saying no, but he just would not take no for an answer and we got back together (huge mistake). What I didn't know was that he continued to call and text his rebound gf many times a day...everyday. She called me and told me he had never stopped calling and texting her and he said it was the other way around...that she wouldn't leave him alone. Well, last Sat., he didn't show up at my house when he was supposed to and wouldn't answer his phone. I received a text from him at midnight saying he would not be coming back and that he would pick up his dog the next day. When he showed up the next day, I tried to get him to take all of his things, but he only took a few things and left the rest of his stuff sitting in the driveway. I have not heard from him since Sun., but I know he will have to eventually get the rest of his things. My heart is breaking so bad, I cannot even function. I know he went back to her. I have not tried to contact him nor will I even try. I am hurting so bad. Don't know what to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brownstone322 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Don't know what to do. Walk and don't look back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BackToYou Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Walk and don't look back? I totally agree. Oh, and don`t forgot permanent NC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moontiger Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I think logically you know this but I am still going to say it: He is a Jerk. He has complete control over this situation (going back and forth between you two) its time for you to take control back from him. Right now, I would go put all his stuff in boxes. Don't let him choose when he wants to do it. Do it for him. Then either e-mail or text him (this must be in writing so there is evidence) that he has one week to get his stuff. Tell him he can come and get when you are not home (give him dates and times) and that you have no interest in see or speaking to him. Tell him that if you return home and he is there you will simple leave. Next, Once that is done start No Contact so you can heal and get perspective. Concentrate on yourself, doing things you love, or doing something you have always wanted to do. None of this will be easy. But in the long run you will be so much better off! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
probablybetter Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 this is fantastic advice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 As long as you continue to allow him to have the best of both worlds, he'll keep on going back and forth. Why not put a higher price tag on yourself, and kick him to the curb? When he showed up the next day, I tried to get him to take all of his things, but he only took a few things and left the rest of his stuff sitting in the driveway. Leave it all in the driveway, and put a "FREE" sign on it. All the best... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 def need to cut him off, he is walking all over u and not respecting u because u allow him to walk in and out of ur life... use this as a learning leason u two can never have a healthy rel... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moontiger Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 As long as you continue to allow him to have the best of both worlds, he'll keep on going back and forth. Why not put a higher price tag on yourself, and kick him to the curb? Leave it all in the driveway, and put a "FREE" sign on it. All the best... I agree, you teach people how to treat you. Right now, you are send the message that how he is treating you is ok. Time to change the message! I think legally you have to give him a reasonable chance (actually tell him "Your stuff needs to be out by Xday) to get his stuff before you pitch it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I think legally you have to give him a reasonable chance (actually tell him "Your stuff needs to be out by Xday) to get his stuff before you pitch it. You're absolutely correct, but I would certainly be tempted to do just that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whatnow44 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Share Posted March 15, 2011 Thank you all and that is exactly what I will do. I will put his things in boxes and text him to come and get them when I am not at home. He even has his motorcycle here! However, right now I am hurting so bad that I think I will go take a painkiller to numb some of this pain and lie down. I thought I was a smart woman, but I can't ever remember hurting this bad and I just want the pain to go away. He totally used me and it really hurts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 This is a clear case showing how your love for someone can't compensate for their own personal weaknesses. He's a stupid dolt for moving in with someone he's only known 2 weeks, and dumping a 4 year GF and jerking you around back and forth based on whether his ridiculous fling is going well or not. That is not about love at all, but about physical attraction and having no clue what love really means. I'm sorry that he used, you, but you have to recognize that you are better off WITHOUT someone who is this volatile and self absorbed in your life. You will be jerked around by his latest whim forever if you let him, so time to stand up for yourself and just boot him out and be thankful you never married him. And don't waste a lot of time feeling bad that he used you.. you had the best of intentions, BUT next time you'll be wiser and won't take him back again. People just don't mutate into someone who will treat you decently, if their character already shows they are selfish and have the attention span of a gnat and will chase their whims without regard to hurting people who are involved with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moontiger Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 You're absolutely correct, but I would certainly be tempted to do just that! Lol, tone is so hard to determine in writing like this. Oh, and I would be to. I still have a key to my ex's car, the things I was tempted to do post break up... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mnk427 Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 I'm rarely judgmental in these situations, but yours is really one where it's difficult not to be. Your ex is behaving like a jerk, and you definitely deserve better."Don't let him waste your time" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whatnow44 Posted March 17, 2011 Author Share Posted March 17, 2011 Well, I took everyone's good advice and put all of his things outside and texted him to come and get them. He called me and started yelling at me...can you believe that? Don't know why he was so angry. He got to get back with his girlfriend and that is what he wanted. I went NC and have not talked to him since Mon when I told him to pick up his things. I don't think he will be contacting me again since he is back with her. Don't know what happened to her rebound boyfriend. However, I do have a question. Just out of curiosity...who was the rebound in the situation, me or her since he started seeing her after me and then me after her and then back to her??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 I think it has gone beyond who is a rebound and who isn't. It is just one big mix up. Their relationship sounds volatile and the fact that she picked up another guy after having a row with him and he came back to you, must mean that there can't be much trust in the relationship. It also shows that these two people are prepared to use others in order to get at each other, in your bf's case someone he is supposed to have cared for. You have to remember this and stay strong should he try this again the next time they fall out. I am not one to assume that a relationship is necessarily a rebound. I know in some cases it is blatantly obviously that it is but it isn't always so clear cut. I'm not sure she was ever a classic rebound in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 The concept of rebound is overused... everyone could be said to be on the rebound if they are over the age of 16 and past their first BF/GF. But he was definitely not rebounding into her because he dumped you and wanted to be with her, both times. You were the rebound when he couldn't have her, and only spent time with you until she was available again and went back to her. A more accurate perception would be you were his backup plan when she wasn't available, and she was his first choice, both times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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