6 Months after... Not moved on at all :(

[robert7x]

I was away from this site because i felt like it was brining me more down then I already was... We broke up in Sept 2010... Tried to stay away from her, but every once in a while she called, stopped by, texted... I always failed NC.

 

We even hung out, had sex and all... I now know I was just being used whenever she gets lonely. Started NC again... It's only been 2 days and i'm sure all of you know how hard it is. I hate it that I wasted 6 months and I'm still stuck on her. Haven't dated, haven't seen anyone else or been with other girl at all. Self esteem way down... Feel worthless and unapreciated.

 

So many times we talked and she always had the same answer that she doesn't know what she wants right now. She works too much and I think that's her way of keeping her mind off of things. I wish I can do the same... but my job is super easy and i'm bored most of the time... which gives me too much time to feel so down and just think.

 

I don't have friends right now i can really hang out with... most of them are married or in some kind of relationship and I just feel terrible when with them. I've been trying so hard to just be with myself and learn to love me... but I just can't. Loneliness hits me and just takes me down where I can't get up.

 

I know my issues, co-dependency, need aproval of others, low self esteem, low self worth... everything... I read many books on how to fix myself, many threads... but I just can't aply any of it.

 

Every time i was with her, it was a band-aid fix... I know... 100% she's not the girl for me... But the feer of being alone... feer that i'll never find anyone else again... It's killing me. My ex wasn't good at anything really... She wasn't that bright, we had nothing in common, sex was terrible and i felt like i had to beg for it as her sex drive is wayyyy low and mine is super high... Everything i think about... she was just not for me. I fell for her because I felt the need to save her.. to help her out, do things for her to make her life better (which I did)... and It looks like i did all those things as a way to seek acceptance... to have her love me... I know all that is wrong... but It looks like that's the way I am.

 

Right now, all i really want is just to hear from her... and it would give me a fix... just like a drug addict... but in the long run i'd be getting nowhere.

 

Thanks for reading... i'm sure i'm going to keep writing here day in and out... again.

[22n32]

U gotta man up......

 

i was like u over my ex for few weeks... i never called she always called, couldnt live wo her.. we were and still very much in love.. but she is young and dumb....

 

like i said rise up, she is not the last girl in this world.. sooner u relize this and tell ur self ur okay wo her, sooner u can get better and meet the girl that will actually repsect and appricate u....

[Tryptophan]

Find something to do when you want to contact her. I know that's easy to say, and extremely hard to do but maybe post in your thread and tell her the things you want to say every time you get tempted.

This is some of the stuff I've been doing.

-Write on a journal (ended up writings songs/poems about him)

-Read a book (I read all the Dan Brown books at least 4 times, finding new ones. there's no love involved in them so that's good)

-Go to the gym (kickboxing helps with the anxiety (["due to withdrawal/separation from them"])

-Slap yourself (works for me at times when I really start thinking about him so much)

-Text/message/call a friend instead of texting her (didn't work for me because they start asking stuff)

-Post here (seems to be the most comforting because I know there's people going through the same)

-Get a stress ball (I got angry at myself for thinking about him so long and wanted to squeeze things. lol)

-Cried and cried and cried. It was a relief. I gave myself a week to cry it all out and all the tears that came after I just held back. If not I would just keep crying.

-Hang out with friends. Keep a schedule. Get an agenda. Keep busy. The stuff on top was just when I was alone and ran out of things to do. It happens. I just needed time to heal and be with myself after a while because I really couldn't concentrate on stuff after a while anyway.

 

All in all, think of talking to her as a compulsion and find an alternative for it.

[Wager]

Greetings, Robert! I am sorry that you find yourself in this unpleasant (to say the least) situation. My gentle advice to you is two-fold: keep in mind, as best as you can - chant it as a mantra if it would offer you even the tiniest glimmer of comfort - 'this is temporary; it will get better.'

 

Cold comfort, at best, I realize - but time will pass, her hold on you will slacken, allowing you room to repair and restore your battered psyche, and just as spring arrives at last each year, even after the longest, bleakest, most unforgiving grey winter, it comes nonetheless and so will your period of renew and rejuvenation. Look for signs of a new season dawning for you and greatly celebrate each one - a smile unfurling softly here, an unexpected, benevolent encounter with a coworker, neighbor, stranger there - relish each positive interaction between your ever-strengthening soul and the world, at large. It is a far more agreeable, congenial place than it often shows itself to be, especially when you are currently fighting your way back from a loss or setback.

 

The second branch of my suggestion mirrors Itsnotlove's own. I think the above poster has some grand ideas. Borrow or modify whatever among them resonates for you, and add on to them at will - and if some do not work, substitute and brainstorm others until your brain is fully engaged with thoughts of empowering and enriching your life, as well as combating present strife and unhappiness, and removing any remaining unhappy, unhealthy residue of the relationship you had with your ex is pressed out for want of room in the spotlight of your attention.

 

Your ex has taken up more than a fair share of your energy and efforts - it is time now to put the focus on you. Treat yourself kindly, but firmly. Keep yourself on track. This is your time - not further opportunity for your ex or anyone/anything to drain your resources further. Reward yourself as lavishly as you can for looking after yourself. Surround yourself with positive influences, either direct and personal, such as friends and family that will keep you on point and moving forward toward your own fulfillment of life aims and ambitions, or impersonal, external ones, like classes on subjects that interest you, movies that amuse you, books that inspire you.

 

I have heard it often said and have never failed to agree that, much as the classic principle of matter being neither created nor destroyed, only finding its form changed, so too habits and behavior cannot be simply excised or willfully dropped. Instead, they must be modified and reshaped. The wheels in your brain are going to keep turning as much as ever - give them something more positive and productive to process than continuous rehashing of the time you spent with your ex. When you find yourself thinking of your ex, switch at once to something else - anything else, until this reaction becomes immediate and reliable and will be one of beneficial (if superficial - that's certainly acceptable as a tool to get beyond this difficult time) thoughts and musings instead of those that bring you down.

 

Spend your time advancing your life, through constructive exchanges with worthy people (not necessarily romantic interests - a good friend, even an entertaining stranger will do just fine), or auspicious classes (undertake learning a new hobby, or mastering an old interest - this is your time, and the point is to put the focus and importance on yourself, even if the subject matter is somewhat trivial).

 

You can substitute old, unhealthy behavior, such as being in collusion with thoughts of your ex that keep you stagnating, with new, positive expenditures of your time and energy. You must elevate yourself and your happiness to a level of importance and priority that it cannot be ignored. Make yourself a priority that you are unable to ignore or neglect. Do not accept the idea that your life can be put on hold and your happiness suspended for an indefinite amount of time while you continue to pay undue homage to your ex - at too great a cost to your well-being. You are worth more than this. Treat yourself as you would want others to treat you. I am sorry you did not receive the kindness and consideration you deserve from others - but despite this - perhaps because of this - it becomes more crucial than ever that you provide this humanity and courtesy to yourself.

 

I wish you the best of luck in this and all things.

 

Wager

[Love1336]

: ( I can say I been where you at, and maybe still would have if my ex did not break away. Hell, we was have sex, text, the whole nine yards, but he started to feel something for somebody else, and i got pregnant so it was a big no no for him.

You need to be strong. when you want to called her, do something else. go to bars, go to gym, do something that does not involve your ex.