Lady Rashomon Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I think most people view leaving someone to be with someone else as a cowardly, conniving, and ultimately selfish and delusional act. Most people assume that the second relationship will end in failure, but I'm curious: has anyone on this board ever had a success story when it came to leaving your partner to be with another man or woman? Did the second relationship have longevity or end up being a better fit for you? Or did you just end up feeling that the decision was one made in error? Link to comment
testcase Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Well I suppose my ex is married to who she "left me for." So it's possible! Link to comment
Godless_Heathen Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 My ex married the guy she was having an affair with. To the best of my knowledge, they're still married. Link to comment
sademotions Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I personally think the longevity of the second relationship all depends on the relationship you and your present partner share with each other. Although people around you may view you as an opportunistic or selfish, but of all the people, you knew it better that the first relationship was not going to work or that you were not happy and so you moved on. I think you were actually brave and truthful to yourself and to your ex for moving on. Trust me, everybody in this world would move on with a different person if they meet someone better and fall in love, there is nothing wrong with it. Only the people who have not faced this situation won't understand the dynamics of it. So instead of thinking that you were cowardly, selfish, and delusional, think that you were brave enough to make a choice for you and you were smart enough to do the right thing. I had similar situation, I knew that my first was not the kind of person I wanted to spend my life with. So i had the choice of suffocating all my life with a person that I was out of love or to go with the person who understood every inch of me and respected me. Your second relationship will not end in failure just because you left someone to be with that person. Unless there are hidden agendas for starting that second relationship, it will be as pure and as truthful and longlasting as any true love will be. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I think leaving for someone else is different from having an affair. Ultimately, yes, it's hurtful, but if my partner did not have an affair but saw that I wasn't making him happy and wanted to leave to further pursue someone else, then I don't see it as cheating, provided that he didn't have the affair. Link to comment
superfox Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I was in a short term relationship which wasn't working too well, he used drugs. But I was pursued by another guy who knew about my relationship, I did nothing as I wanted to do 'the right thing' and end the first one, which I did. The second new guy was a narcasscist and suffered short man syndrome ( which is why I personaly think he chased me, the kudos of winning me from a 6'2" personal trainer and ex boxer was too tempting to turn down! It didn't work either Link to comment
dumpee Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 My ex left me 5 months ago for someone else and she told me earlier this week they've got married (see my posting). So yes I guess they can be successful relationships......well, so far anyway. Link to comment
Karma20 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 If the person fell out of love with you before they left you then yes it could work. Link to comment
superfox Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 My ex left me 5 months ago for someone else and she told me earlier this week they've got married (see my posting). So yes I guess they can be successful relationships......well, so far anyway. Woah! That's quick sorry It'll end in tears.. Link to comment
dumpee Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Yeah superfox it probably will but I won't be around to pick up the pieces that's for sure! Link to comment
superfox Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Yeah superfox it probably will but I won't be around to pick up the pieces that's for sure! Good for you!!! Link to comment
Unknown1607307972 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Well, I left my ex for someone else although I doubt I'd have stayed with him much longer even if I hadn't. We really were not working out and I'd been trying to make myself fall in love with him again and talk through our problems for months. I didn't plan to meet someone else but I did, and I realised that I wasn't doing anyone any good by sticking around in my relationship anymore as I wasn't happy. I didn't physically cheat on my ex, I guess emotionally I did... I know I hurt my ex, I didn't handle everything well, but I don't regret ending the relationship. Two years + and I am still with the guy I broke up with my ex for, I live with my current boyfriend now. Nobody can say whether such relationships will work out or not as some do, some don't. It's never good to assume it will fail though or cling to false hope that your ex will come crawling back. Working on healing yourself and moving on is better. Link to comment
velvette Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I had a friend who left her bf to get with a guy, and the guy had to also leave HIS gf to be with her! lol. but it was the right choice for them, they're still very happy years down the road, married within a year, have a house together, etc. so it really depends. Link to comment
delicous Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Wow...yeah...I guess it isn't that off to leave someone and marry them months later... my ex married 6 months after we broke up...He told me he still loved me but don't ever think we will reconcyle then days later told me he wanted me back then that day he told me he is crazy confused and then a month later moved her in and i guess now she is his wife with no knowing of his own family...OH and they have a child on its way! So yes I guess they do...sometimes work out...especially in my situation where the dummy got marries months later. Link to comment
testcase Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I mean I think the major thing from this is people tell you don't worry ... it won't work out to make the dumpee feel better. Who really knows what's going to happen. Maybe their relationship will be better. Maybe it'll be terrible. If you're the dumpee just accept it's over and start trying to get yourself back to a healthy place. You can listen to the it won't work outs but don't bank on it... and it shouldn't matter. If you're the dumper you left for a reason. Maybe the new person opened ur mind to the possibility of something better. Maybe it's better, maybe not. Just know if you make a decision big enough to leave the person, then the person ur leaving isn't the answer... regardless of how things end up with who you're leaving for. Link to comment
Lady Rashomon Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 Thanks. I sort of figured I'd get more anecdotal info from people who had partners leave them, so it's nice to get a firsthand response--especially since there is generally a pretty big stigma around admitting that you left one person to be with another. Also, BTW, this question doesn't apply to me. I just got out of a very long-term relationship and am happily single. I can't see myself being the kind of person to leave one relationship to be in another, because I'd worry that that kind of overlap wouldn't leave much time to process or mourn the first relationship. Link to comment
CorpseGrinder Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I had an ex that left me for someone else. The guy ended up abusing her though. I felt no pity for her though. She left for someone else she is dead to me forever. Link to comment
Snny Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I think leaving for someone else is different from having an affair. I agree. If you knew your relationship was not working out, found someone you think you are compatible with and DID NOT go on dates before breaking up... not cheating. I admit to breaking up for another person twice without getting involved in an affair. The first time I did it was when I got incredibly lonely, didn't think the LDR was working while I was away at college, and found someone who seemed to have their stuff together than the current partner. My ex at the time was dwindling at college, poor grades, and no direction in his life and I was too afraid that he would never grow up after I graduated. The college relationship lasted little over a year... and DID NOT work out when I got to know that person better. That person didn't meet my sexual needs even though I grinned and bared a lot... I said forget it. Then I rekindled with my ex after that didn't work out. During our break up, my ex finally grew some senses, stopped screwing around in college, graduated with a medical degree, and got a decent job in his field. It was like damn... about time, but breaking up really opened his eyes. Want to know the best part? We are recently engaged. Totally depends on the person and the situation. I'm a firm believer that if you set love free, it will stay (or come back) with you. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 I've ended all of my past relationships but in only ONE case was it that I left for someone else. I didn't have an affair. The relationship was already crumbling and I was planning to leave but I left a lot sooner because of the other guy. He told me that he liked me but didn't want progress until I was single. I agreed. We didn't have an emotional affair either because it wasn't until AFTER I left the ex that me and the new guy began talking all the time and got close. At the time, I just knew that he wanted to be with me, I wanted to be with him, and I knew that I would be a lot happier. So yes, I did leave for someone else. I was with that new guy for about a year and then I left him (not for someone else). I don't regret it and considered that relationship far more successful than the previous guy. Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 When I was in my 20s, I lived with a guy for a few years due to the fact that I had nowhere else to go, and wasn't financially able to be on my own. I ended up meeting another guy, had an affair, then broke up with my boyfriend to be with the new guy. We ended up being together for 15 years, married the last 8 of those. We just went through a very amicable, peaceful divorce 11 months ago, and are still friends. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Link to comment
Unknown1607307972 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Thanks. I sort of figured I'd get more anecdotal info from people who had partners leave them, so it's nice to get a firsthand response--especially since there is generally a pretty big stigma around admitting that you left one person to be with another. Also, BTW, this question doesn't apply to me. I just got out of a very long-term relationship and am happily single. I can't see myself being the kind of person to leave one relationship to be in another, because I'd worry that that kind of overlap wouldn't leave much time to process or mourn the first relationship. Indeed it is a stigma, and I am honest that I didn't do everything right. I do refuse to accept people telling me I am a horrible person for leaving my ex because I know that isn't true. Lady Rashmon, I can see your point, I think I myself was already too drained by the relationship with my ex to mourn it, too much drama, an I had been trying to make myself love him again. I don't think the relationship with my ex would have lasted more than a few months longer if I hadn't met my current boyfriend as I was really unhappy. I think it's a bad idea for people to assume that all these relationships are rebounds because it creates false hope. If your ex leaves you for someone, that person could be a rebound or they could be the person they marry for all you know. It's normal to hurt, to hate your ex, to feel angry and bitter. It's normal to wish the new relationship bad luck when you're in despair. However this should be kept to yourself and perhaps your friends/family, for the best shot someone has at getting their ex back is to leave them alone and work on healing because smothering your ex drives them away further. My ex believed that the only reason I broke up with him was due to an irrational bout of depression and kept trying to get back with me and all it did was scare me. Leaving your ex alone and working on healing is a win/win route because if your ex comes back and you work out then great, if they don't come back then you're moving in with your life so it'll be ok. Link to comment
delicous Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Unknown~~~ You nailed it!!...I agree even though I did the opposit, the more I dwell the sadder I get, which isn't healthy... We didn't work out, theres a reason for it...Trying to just think of my ex as training wheels for my real relationship...When I think about him in pics, he looked like he was distancing himself emotionally and just the way he held me or tried to hold me and just like...things didn't work out...Im just trying to move on...Its easy said then done but maybe its easy done than said?...Im really trying...My bday just passed and tim eis just a ticking..ya know? I love my new man, so thats all there is to it and he deserves my full blown attention...Im going to try to stop posting about my ex and move on... Link to comment
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