Ritz Maidge Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I am a 21 (22 next month) year old female, and I have come to discover that I usually feel pretty awkward around other girls. I don't really consider myself a tomboy (back when I was a kid, yeah, but not so much anymore - I dress pretty girly now), nor do I consider myself very introverted: I would honestly much rather hang out with people than be by myself. I don't have trouble meeting new people, and I usually find it pretty easy to approach people first.... but the problem is moving beyond the "small talk" stage and making actual lengthy friendships. When I go out shopping to those "girly" places (Wet Seal, Forever 21, etc), I usually feel really out of place. I always feel like those gorgeous women in there shopping and working are looking at me, saying things about me or the items I pick out, etc. I feel really uncomfortable around them... and I think this shows. I would love to feel more comfortable around other women, but I just can't. I have hung out with several different types of girls: tomboys, girly girls, etc.... and I just can't seem to keep any of them in my life long enough, or find anything interesting to talk to them about. Men are a different story... I can shop around them with ease. The majority of my closest relationships, and the people I go to for advice, are men... but I feel I need at least one or two close female relations in my life... and I don't know why I feel so weird around them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I don't think that's so unusual as many women feel that way. I know I feel far more comfortable around men than women. I prefer the company of men as they are so down to earth and easy to get along with, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ritz Maidge Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 Yeah, that's true. But I just think it's weird - not so common - that I get so worked up and nervous when I go shopping in stores with other women, and feel as if they're making fun of me. That's not normal, is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercurial Girl Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I totally feel WAAAAY more insecure around women than men. Especially at lululemon or yeah, clothing stores in general are the worst! I think it's just because I know how our minds work and how judgey we are (even fleeting judgement, we all do it if only for a nanosecond) and especially the girls younger than me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Yeah, that's true. But I just think it's weird - not so common - that I get so worked up and nervous when I go shopping in stores with other women, and feel as if they're making fun of me. That's not normal, is it? Maybe you're focusing too much on yourself and worrying about what other people think of you? I get the impression you're very self-conscious? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meddlin Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I posted a similar thread a bit back. I am now working on a new friendship that came about late year - not sure yet how long-term will be, but hope it works out ok How close were you to your mother? Do you have any sisters/femal relatives that you are close to? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trezeralietas Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I know the feeling. I've always been closer to guys than girls and I think it has a lot to do with fear of being judged by other girls. I've always hated shopping with girls too. I've gotten to a point now though, where I just don't care anymore. Look at me, snicker, laugh, judge. That's on you. The only person who's silly for behaving that way is the person judging. I'd be silly to let their thoughts/actions/opinions keep me from going where or doing what I want. A friend won't treat you that way. They will be glad to have a companion when they are out shopping or doing whatever you're doing. Pay no mind to the salespeople or other customers. In fact, smile at them and make direct eye contact. If you seem confident and comfortable in your own skin they will be much more likely to treat you that way. I make it a point to specifically catch someone's gaze and smile at them if I feel like they are judging me. You should try it. It's empowering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ritz Maidge Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 Thanks for the replies everybody. Answering a few of the questions: I was raised by men, primarily. The only female in my life was my grandmother - but other than her, it was a grandfather, dad, brothers, and uncles. I do have semi low self-confidence, I guess, but not nearly as bad as it was back in high school. You see, back in my younger years, I was always a bit overweight. People laughed at me and made fun of me for being overweight since I was about 8-9 years old, and it lasted until I was about 17 (when I finally got the motivation to lose all of the weight. I dropped over 50 lbs the summer before my senior year, and went back to school and got many compliments on how good I looked. My self-confidence increased quite a bit from there. Throughout the school year, I continued to work out, and lost about another 50 lbs before going off to college, which made me feel even better.) Even though my self-confidence has increased since then, I still don't think it's all there. I think I am still quite scarred from the torture I faced for about 10 years of my life..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 When I was your age I bonded better with older women. In my early 20's my best friend was in her late 20's. Two close confidants were in their mid 30's. I learned a lot from these women because they helped me solidify my own point of view. They encouraged me to grow into my Self instead of floundering around to align myself with 'girls' my own age who didn't interest me very much. It all starts falling into place as people your own age catch up with you in areas that are significant. Meanwhile, consider that the 'ugly duckling' was a metaphor. Embrace your inner swan, and hang out with people who are mature enough to help you understand what that means. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ritz Maidge Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 When I was your age I bonded better with older women. In my early 20's my best friend was in her late 20's. Two close confidants were in their mid 30's. I learned a lot from these women because they helped me solidify my own point of view. They encouraged me to grow into my Self instead of floundering around to align myself with 'girls' my own age who didn't interest me very much. It all starts falling into place as people your own age catch up with you in areas that are significant. Meanwhile, consider that the 'ugly duckling' was a metaphor. Embrace your inner swan, and hang out with people who are mature enough to help you understand what that means. I can relate to the first part of what you said so well. I actually DO get along best with older women. I have found that, for example, when I am helping customers out at my job, I can typically find something to talk about at a great length with older women; however, when I try talking to younger women, I kind of just want to get away from them as quickly as I can. And it stinks, because most of the people at my job are in my age range... I've been asked a few times what I do in my free time, besides work and school, because I don't see the need to drink alcohol very often. Some co-workers and I were having a conversation about going out a few days ago, and I said I'd probably go, just wouldn't do any drinking because I wasn't in the mood to drink. The last time I even drank alcohol was on New Years Eve, and before that it was probably in October. Then some of them proceed to think that I wouldn't be any fun to hang out with since I wasn't going to get drunk. I just wish I could fit in with my age sometimes, particularly women... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkyfairy Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 Your first post was like someone had peered into my mind. I am also 22 and find it difficult to make friends with other women. I've always been a confident person but for some reason I can never click with women they way others do naturally. I did an undergrad degree where out of a class of 89 there were 4 men. I never made any female friends in this class. I just assumed that I was too involved in societies and extra curricular activities in college and never made the effort to make female friends in a class. I then went into a masters last year I decided that I was really going to make an extra effort to make friends with the girls in my class. Similar to my undergrad out of 58 students only 3 are male. Whatever I did I haven't made proper friends with any of them. I do talk to them in class but they would never consider to invite me for lunch or on a night out unless it was a class party. It's not that i'm lacking friends I have plenty of male friends but it would be nice sometimes to talk about girly things. I wish i could get to the level of comfort i feel around men with women. I notices that you last post was a while ago. Have you had any improvement in the girl friends front? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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