Sitting Here, Just Vibing - Memories/Thoughts Flowing Free...

[Philabonia]

Have the Pandora on Pearl Jam tonight...kind of thinking about life in general.

 

Have you ever thought about the idea of a "relationship?" - How incredibly amazing the idea of sharing your life with another in its entirety? All the good, all the bad? Have you ever thought about how much we actually expect out of ourselves in all of this? Take a step back, and look at the advice that is thrown around, and all of the regret that comes with the end; I know I had so much pain and guilt over the things that happened - hell, I still do. But in reality, we are all human, and "growing up" is not something that ends with a 9-5 and a paycheck. We grow our entire lives. We have good days, and we have bad. In fact, we have good periods, and we have bad. People come in and out of our lives daily. Who's to say that who we are in that moment is going to be what they want? Though just a microcosm of a relationship, the same basic principle applies - why do we expect so much out of ourselves? We look around at "healthy" relationships, and feel horrible that we did things that made ours something less, not realizing that we are only seeing a snapshot of a couple smiling. Who truly knows about the happiness of another.

 

No, I am not letting people that treat their spouses horribly off the hook by saying "its ok, you're still learning"; I did some horrible crap, and in an odd, fateful way, I got what I deserved--it made me grow up and realize my flaws. But I feel like so many people beat themselves up over things that, in the grand scheme, arent that bad, and are entirely to be expected in the process of learning. Think about it like school - outside of the 0.0001% that does awesome ALL the time, everyone messes up a time or two. I think we should maybe, I dont know, let ourselves off a little easier, at times. I care a lot for people going through what I went through, and still experience, and it kills me to see individuals tearing themselves apart over the fact that someone else was simply at another stage in their life. If only we could vest a little less in love, and maybe we would be a little better at it.

 

Who knows - back to the paper I'm putting off, and trying to block out my all-too-persistent philosophical side.