Should news hurt like this after this long?

[Philabonia]

Long story short, she broke up with me on June 17. Its been a good while now, and I really am starting to do fine - this past month has been great, and I finally feel unencumbered by the regrets and pain that came with the split.

 

Today, my sister lets me know that she and her boyfriend finally became "facebook official" - god that sounds cheesy - but anyways, they had put up a relationship, and an anniversary. The anniversary is June 15.

 

Now, I'm not going to lie, the first primal instinct I felt was to fire off a rip-roaringly angry email, telling her exactly what I felt about her. But I thought better of it, and simply decided to say nothing. It just gets me so angry - we were engaged, and you go and do this to me?? How could she?? But whatever - its in the past.

 

Should I really care this much? I feel like I should just let it roll off my shoulders, and Im pretending to do so around my friends - but inside, this really hurts. I feel the pangs of pain that I havent felt in months. I feel like I regressed a little by seeing that, by finally seeing proof that I was played for a fool. I know this will help in the long-run, to show me how wrong she really was in all this and how I can do better, but in the short term, what do my strong emotions mean over something I thought I was moving past???

[hero]

I think the pain you felt was completely natural. My relationship ended in July and I was doing pretty fine till about a couple weeks ago some of my friends told me they ran into her at a club and she was drunk out of her mind and unable to barely walk. When I heard that, I was furious! Now you're probably wondering why that would get me mad? Lets just say that throughout the 7 years we were together she would barely drink and she always hated clubs. Plus the reason she gave me for the breakup was so strange that the whole club thing contradicts it.(thats a whole other topic)

 

So yeah, what you felt when you found out is natural especially since you two were engaged and all. It always hurts when you finally see what the person you loved has become. In a way you dont want to believe it, until you or somebody close to you finds out. Then you have no choice but to finally open your eyes and see the big picture. Its a good thing you didnt send her that angry email, just like you said, its in the past. Dont look back and keep moving forward. Good luck!

[imoutfront]

I think it's normal to feel this way. I would probably feel exactly like you, and I'd also probably not say anything either, like you. Not that you can change the past, but WHY did your sister even think it was worth mentioning to you? Why did she think she'd accomplish? Whatever, that's neither here nor there. Nothing you can do about it now. I personally wouldn't want to know such things. I think you're taking all the right steps - reminding yourself that you're good to be rid of your ex, and that you'll do better. Just keep remembering that, and in time you'll get over it. It's cliche, but time heals all wounds.

[Philos]

The news pretty much undermines your entire understanding about the end of the relationship that's given you whatever solace you had. I think it'd be unhealthy if you didn't feel anything.

[MakeItCount]

I feel the same way, found out last week they were official. Only natural. Look at it this way, it won't get any worse

[Philabonia]

Thanks guys - just a little while later, and Im already feeling better. After the initial shock, I realized that I dont know that person any more (I mean her), and that she obviously did not care for me like I cared for her. That's why its over - how and why she did it in the way she did, I'll never know, but Im left with the fact that she really screwed me over, and Im worth more than that. Sure, I made a lot of mistakes and did things I deeply regret (and believe ended the relationship far before the "end"), but I never lied to her or cheated her. This is on her, and I came out ahead. I'm living my life and enjoying it, and this just helps me move forward. I guess this is kind of a good thing - helps me gauge my self confidence and value in myself - before, I would've moped and been upset and let her get to me, because I was dependent on her. Now, I can see her for what she is - spineless and selfish. Thanks for helping me out guys. Anything I can ever do - let me know. Cheers.

[Happens4aReason]

Today, my sister lets me know that she and her boyfriend finally became "facebook official" - god that sounds cheesy - but anyways, they had put up a relationship, and an anniversary. The anniversary is June 15.

 

Man.. I cant imagine how I would feel if my ex did something like that... I still miss her sometimes and I wonder, "it has been 4 months.. While I have wanted to call her a lot of times, she NEVER EVER initiated EVEN ONE phone call/message".. Well, I guess that you are I are better off without them.. There must be a reason why it happened.. Thats the only thing that keeps me going.. That keeps me live a better tomorrow.. Afte rall, everything happens for the best.. Good luck bro.. While we may not know why this happened, I am sure that we will get out answers in the future.. May be in a few months or a few years.. But there will be answers.. This is what my experiences have taught me in my life..

[The_Seeker]

Whoa. I would totally go crazy if my ex did that to me.

 

Even if he did, I could use a good excuse if the next guy asks me "Why did your relationship ended if it was such a long-term relationship?" during a date

 

"He broke up with me for another girl. Ha ha, why else would he break up with me?" I giggle.

 

Maybe you could use the same line. ;]

[Philabonia]

While we may not know why this happened, I am sure that we will get out answers in the future.. May be in a few months or a few years.. But there will be answers.. This is what my experiences have taught me in my life..

 

Part of me hopes so. Though I can move forward, and understand that what happened led me to the life I lead now (which is pretty ******* amazing, if I should say so myself), a part of me would like to get the actual closure of a conversation, instead of the esoteric closure I found (made?) within the confines of my own mind. We never spoke after the day we split (easy to see why now) - all I got was the engagement ring and a check for the last months rent in the mail...So though it does not really matter in the long run, a part of me will always wonder "what happened?" - though some people will always say "MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE IN ALL FACETS," the reality is, when you devote yourself to a future with someone in your own mind, and formulate your life's path to include them, the fact that it all changes in a day is quite substantial, and leaves a larger mark than a simple flame would. Though it pains me to say, I will always love her - I dont want to be with her or even see her, but I will always look back on the memories of us fondly, because who she was to me is an integral part of who I am.

 

But everything happens for a reason - I wouldnt be where I am if she didnt cut things off, and things are starting to come together in a way to point to the inevitable conclusion that that was the best thing she could've ever done for me, cheating or not. To get back to the point - yes, we will get answers one day, whether they be by the ones who left the scars, or by the way life turns out.

[Philabonia]

Whoa. I would totally go crazy if my ex did that to me.]

 

Oh hell I did - looking through my old posts, Im quite sure I was certifiably outside my own skull from mid-July (once I came off my 20 day bender) to early October. Love is by far the strongest drug out there.

 

And that is a great line - the cup is always half full, eh?

[Philabonia]

I've been having a really rough couple of days - I had to go home, and move stuff out of my old storage facility, and I happened upon a bunch of notes she had written me just before the split. They were caring - she told me she loved me. Its more than likely that she was cheating on me when she had written them. I broke down, 8 months after, in front of my family no less. Now, they are all worried about me, and no amount of explaining will put them at ease. I just dont know what to do anymore. 8 months - I really feel like I should be farther along. This is what I wrote to her last night. I didnt send it, but its exactly how I feel towards her. Tell me what you think: are these the emotions a man, after dating a women over 2 years and having his heart broken, be having at this point in the process?? Thanks for your words and support.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

xxxx,

 

Time really does give you a different perspective - I can’t believe it has been so long. Sometimes, I feel like what took place was just a dream; it’s quite a story, really – some sort of cautionary tale. We were a rolling tide of confusion, ebbed with exhilarating moments of passion. The more I live, the more I wonder if it was all just a child of youth – a comfortable naiveté fit to circumstance, and not something to be remembered or given more weight than to what such a tryst is entitled.

 

I still think about you, you know. I still wonder why things happened quite the way that they did. There's such a thing as mutual respect, but we were too young to realize it then. We both were, no matter who drew blood first. To be fair, I never really told you how I felt. Then again, you never told me either. We were both stubborn, and I was too rash and immature to either just walk away or look you in the eye. Though our eyes and mannerisms are supposed to be the mirrors of our soul and true intent, neither could read the other well enough to let go when our time had passed. I treated you callously because of my own indecision, and you turned to another because of it (I assume). We both made our mistakes.

 

Remember the day we stood in the kitchen and cried as goodbye drew near? How you looked over your shoulder at me when I walked out the door for the second time…I can envision it like it was just yesterday. In fact, when I packed my bags and left our old place, it was all I thought of. As brilliant and as inexorably flawed in irony as that was, memories like that are just about the only thing I still value when I think of you - the only signs that what we had was ever something more than to be described as brief and unexpected. And no matter how many times I tried to inject those moments with a more significant meaning or else scour them from memory, the reality is that those pieces endured as they were, and evidently as they should remain.

 

To say "I miss you" would be misleading. To say that "I wish it worked out,” after seeing our incapability to reason in the subsequent months after the split, would be an outright lie. Nothing went as planned; everything worked itself around poor judgment. Yet, to say "I never think of you" would be cold and untruthful. I do, still think of you, and wonder how you've been. No, we shouldn't meet up and catch each other up on old times. We certainly shouldn't ever reminisce on those nights when your head laid next to mine. It's simply sufficient to say that I think of you, and I wonder how life has treated you.

 

I do not know how I truly feel about what we were, and it may be better that way; I fear my sense of peace will dissipate with the clarity I have found if I still searched. There are seldom truths I know beyond doubt, and I relegate us to that heap – what we mutually stood for and shared in another life is irrelevant. In the bright spots of you and I that linger, I find some joy in little things I did not so much appreciate at first glance - your jokes, the names we shared, your voice and smile when something was unexpected. After all the pain and banalities, it’s a comfort to remember those honest fragments instead of the ugliness and indifference that erased them for the most part. There’s no need to tally wrongs, as we both have our guilt. And as all desires dwindle as they do, the fact is that I can't hate you. So whatever we had – whatever we were, I choose to find some joy in the moments worth holding on to, and that is all.

 

I guess it’s just best to say that I don’t love you - yet in a way, I always will.