Starting to Enjoy my new Life...

[Philabonia]

Hey guys,

 

Thought my story could help some others out - sometimes, it looks like you may never reach the light at the end of the tunnel, but with time, a little effort and introspection, you can come out of whatever emotional hell you might find yourself in and become a more worldly individual.

 

As Ive stated in previous posts, my ex and I split in June (her call). I did the typical things afterward - pretended like I didnt need her, came back within hours crying, buried my sorrow in a bottle/anything that would give me the time of day, and eventually just locked myself inside my own head. I almost failed out of grad school because of it. But, over the course of these past few months (starting just after Thanksgiving) I've been getting better by leaps and bounds.

 

Thanksgiving was my last breakdown. It felt like we had just split - I missed her with every ounce of me. But once it passed, I realized that it wasnt me that was missing her, but it was my dependence on her for my own affirmation and happiness. I needed her to feel good about myself. So, as I prepared myself for the tough time of the holidays ahead (we always had the best time together then), I started breaking out of my shell, and stepping outside my boundaries. I went out with my friends for the sake of making relationships with them - I have been a monogamous guy my entire life; I am only 24, and spent the last 7 years of my life in relationships. I finally decided that maybe my happiness wasnt in another relationship; for the first time in my life I stopped looking for my own happiness in the gratitude of someone else, and started thinking about what I wanted in this life.

 

I think this is a lot of peoples problem. You spend so much time with other people and developing that aspect of your life that you lose yourself, and who you are at your most basic. Now, I have been "doing me" for the last few months, and I honestly enjoy it. I do what I want, where I want, when I want. I no longer worry about how it may affect my significant other. Though this may sound lonely to some, coming from a position such as mine - where it was a constant worry - its fairly vindicating.

 

I'm going to Guatemala for Spring Break. LA for a week after graduation. Florence for a month this summer. I love life. I'm doing what I want and figuring out who I am and where this life is going to take me. I no longer worry about who's coming along for the ride; if I meet someone, great, but that is no longer the center of my world. I finally feel happy being me, instead of looking for a smile to affirm my place in her world.

 

If there is anyone out there like me, who is/was so codependent on another and then had that individual break their heart and world, know that you can do something about it. You can have the life you want, only if you realize that they dont have to be in it. Be selfish for a while - you may find out what you have been looking for all along. Cheers.

[Philabonia]

Double post, but I forgot to mention:

 

I get lonely - I am lonely a lot, actually. But I dont look at it as something that hinders or belittles who I am or what I am doing with my life. It is an aching for something that once brought me great joy, and I am sure will again someday. I dont chase women - I go out to have fun with my new close friends, and have conversations. I live in the moment. When I go to bed alone, I am ok with it. It feels good to choose to be alone, than have it forced upon you. So, loneliness is there - its human nature. All you can do is have hindsight, and make a choice about your direction in life for the foreseeable future. If you choose to find someone new, then the loneliness has more weight. But, if you're like me and need some space to breathe and figure things out, the loneliness is just a reminder that you are a human being, and are capable of caring deeply for someone else. That is all.

 

As for the ex - guys, just accept that you once cared about them, and that's all you can do. Don't try to forget them, because it will only make you jaded, and make the baggage you carry along more substantial. Though I have not spoken to mine in months, I still love her very deeply, and always will. Though I am seeing that we were not perfect for each other, there are times when I find myself looking at our pictures, and wondering what might have been and how she is doing. But that does not change the fact that life goes on, and dwelling only exacerbates the pain your human nature still clings to in your memory. Wish her well, hope for the best in the future if you want - but keep a positive outlook, and love the life you choose to lead.

[Leftright]

Congratulations, you have taken a huge step into a much larger world!, That of an independent individual. Kudos to you my friend. Now you can live your life for YOU, and focus on the things you want to focus on...and you will discover just how AWESOME that really is!

 

-Leftright

[michelle21689]

Here's what I'm hoping would happen one of two ways....either way I want to be truly happy again. Never am I going to make the mistake of depending my happiness on someone. It wasn't fair to my ex and it wasn't healthy for me.

 

1. I grow as a person, live life, meet new people, have the time of my life! I get over my ex but will always love him or have a special spot for him no matter what since he was a big part of my life. I'm moved on, he's moved on, we still care and keep in touch...we're still able to talk and be friends. If we're with someone else...we're truly happy with that person and we still keep in touch lightly.

 

2. I still grow as a person living my life and I become friends with my ex. When the timing is right or if it's meant to be...we'll be together again.

 

Either way, I want to be truly happy, healed, and have him in my life as a friend. I don't ever want him to disappear. I've never ever lost anyone that I loved from my life...I'm not saying be the best of friends but not lose touch. I've always been the type to try to cling to people I care about...keep them from going away. Of course it only works if two people are willing to do it.