Sanesoul Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 People are dumb when their drunk. Good grief. Seeing it sober for the first time really makes me thankful that I AM sober. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 So proud of you hon. You are doing great! You can do it, you can do it, you can do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted December 8, 2013 Author Share Posted December 8, 2013 Haven't popped in for over a month, but I don't want anyone thinking I've fallen off the wagon. Still sober...I stopped counting the days, but I know I will be 3 months sober on 12/22! So thankful, don't miss it at all. Crochet has been taking up what little free time I have...I crochetted my first hat and it turned out too big I'm going to try it again, being very careful about stitch count and see how it goes. In the meantime, I'm making some fingerless gloves because it is so cold in the office where I work. I'm making a bunch of them so I can change them out. Hope everyone is doing well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 I am so glad you're doing so well!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted May 24, 2014 Author Share Posted May 24, 2014 Haven't popped in here in awhile. I lurk from time to time though. Things are going fairly well. I started a low carb diet a week and a half ago, and have lost 8 pounds. I know it's early so I shouldn't get too excited, but 8 pounds sure is a motivator. I was on this diet when my daughter was very little and lost a heap of weight. I am so ready to be healthy again. I want to visit my sister for the first time next year, and don't want to be a big fatty when I do. I started a creative writing class about 4 weeks ago. It's something I've always wanted to do, and my real passion in life is to become a writer. I think I have a ton of stories to tell. Who knows what will happen, but I have a good job so this isn't something I have to do to survive. If it works out and I become a famous author, great. If not, that's great too, it's very therapeutic for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted June 6, 2014 Author Share Posted June 6, 2014 My little girl is growing up way tooi fast. I'm sorting through her dance pictures to create a collage for the wall, and she looks so grown. She hasn't hit puberty yet, but it won't be long. I feel a bit sad...6 more years and she'll be 18. Where have all these years gone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted October 3, 2015 Author Share Posted October 3, 2015 So I think I need to start journaling again. So many changes have happened in a year and my head is swimming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I remember you! Welcome back! What's going on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted October 3, 2015 Author Share Posted October 3, 2015 Hi Fudgie. Good lord, where do I start. My company of 8 years "laid me off" in March. I say that in quotes because they fired me and put a new person in my position who makes $3 less an hour. That's what I get for standing up for myself. It worked out in my favor though as they didn't contest unemployment, and I qualified as a displaced worker. That means that the government will pay a portion of my tuition for me to go back to school for a technical degree. So that's exactly what I did. I started in August and am pursuing a degree in health care business. It's been a dream come true because I've always wanted to go back to school, but didn't have the means. Thankfully my husband makes enough to support us while I'm not working. I also have a chance to work part-time at the school, but I'm not sure if I want to do that yet. I'm taking 17 credits this semester, so I'm pretty busy. I found out a couple months ago that about 2 years ago, my husband slept with another woman...his coworker. It was really devastating to me, still is. He is incredibly remorseful (truly), and is beating himself up over it. It only happened the one time, but he still works with her. He says he hasn't spoken to her since, but the trust is shaken. I am so insecure right now, and really have no one to talk to about it. We live in a very small town and I don't want our dirty laundry aired in this drama-filled place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 That's awesome you are going back to school! I'm really sorry about your husband. I am sending you a PM about something with that. Infidelity still hurts, even if you find out about it years after it ends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Many men, not all, but many, find absolute fidelity impossible. I have never met a man who was faithful Not any of my partners, nor my father, nor any of my friend's husbands and fathers, none of my many coworkers, not one. I have lived all over this country and Canada and have never met a man who never strayed. Their wives might be kept in the dark for years, but they're cheating, believe me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 I agree with you Jig. I thought there was never a chance that my husband would stray, ever. He was so loyal to me that he would never do this. I was so wrong. The one time he decides to go out with his coworkers without me...this happens. This is the messed up part. He had sex with her in our house, while I was sleeping 50 feet away. That's what kills me. He lied to my face when I woke up because they were talking loudly and told him to make her leave. I thought they were just friends. He had sex with her like 15 minutes before I woke up. And then lied to me for 2 years. The worst part is that she is a hag. She's like 15 years older than me, not good-looking. I don't get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 I'm just so confused. I cheated on my husband like 9 years ago, and I thought we worked through everything. I feel like a hypocrite, but at the same time, I feel like I was betrayed. Am I allowed to be betrayed because I did this to him so long ago? He took me back after I left him, and we made it work and were happy, but now I'm worried that he uses my past to justify what he did to me 2 years ago. If he is holding my past against me, what are we doing? We've been together since we were kids, but 16 years later we have not been completely loyal to each other. I don't trust him, I don't know if I ever will again, but is that my right since I cheated so long ago? I can't survive without him unless I want to be supported by the government right now, and I don't want that. My only option right now is to get through 2 years to get my degree and see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucia Amman Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 It's within your right to feel whatever the heck you feel. You betrayed him once, albeit years ago, so he must know better than to do this to you. He must have known better than to inflict this pain on you. If he feels in anyway that he had the right to do it than I would be thinking he has done this more than only once. I had a boyfriend once that cheated on me with three women because he *thought* I cheated on him once (but I didn't). What your husband did is in some ways worse than what you did. For one he cheated on you knowingly on what an impact this could have on you and your marriage (since you've done it to him). Secondly; in your house while you were sleeping? Seriously? That's college stuff, not married life. I would consider it beyond rude. I think you're completely in your right to be and feel angry. I'm very sorry this happened to you and that you've to go threw this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 I hate this. I wish I could support myself and my daughter on my own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 Thanks Lucia I'm tired of feeling like the bad guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucia Amman Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 I hate this. I wish I could support myself and my daughter on my own. I couldn't either and yes it sucks. I ended up agreeing on breaking up but stay in his house till I had a way to move out. We stayed living together for almost 2 years. Not ideal but not bad either. But I know what you're feeling to some extent. Keep up. Things will get better. Do you have a sport or hobby to get your mind clear? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 I am sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 Thanks Vic. You are my favorite person on this site and I feel like a big jerk for not staying in touch with you. Big hugs. I don't want to leave my husband...I love him very much, and I know he loves me. His discretion was while he was completely inebriated. I know that's not an excuse, but it's a reason, right? I wish more than anything that he didn't tell me, and I've told him that. Telling me what he did eased his conscience, but made it hard for me. The worst part is that he still works with this person, al beit not on the same shift. It's little comfort to me. I've been with him for 16 years, and for 16 years the only thing I never worried about was his loyalty. Now I have no confidence in myself. I hate this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 How do you have sex with another woman while your wife sleeps 50 feet away? How is that ever okay? I don't care how inebriated you are. You shouldn't have been able to cover the tracks if you were drunk. I wish I could leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Awwww that is ok sweetie. It's no problem. We can't always keep up when we are embroiled in our lives. No worries. I'm so sorry for your predicament right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 Haven't had a lot of time to think about my situation. School and my daughter are keeping me blissfully busy. I know I can't ignore my feelings and I do get overwhelmed with them from time to time, but my main focus has to be on my schoolwork. Especially if this goes south and I have to support my daughter and myself on my own, which remains to be seen. He doesn't want me to leave him, keeps reaffirming his love for me, but I don't know. Time will tell I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 So I've decided to switch gears and start working on myself. I don't know what my future with my husband holds, but I know that taking care of myself is a must. A joined a nutrition program. Don't want to mention which one to get in trouble here, but I'm already seeing results. I have to lose about 80 pounds to be where I want to be. I'm obviously going to continue my schooling, which I love so much. I'm already looking into the requirements for another technical diploma that will supplement the associates degree I'm going for. I still haven't decided if I want to pursue a part time job or not. I might decide instead to do some volunteer work. The local humane society is always looking for help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted March 27, 2016 Author Share Posted March 27, 2016 It's been a long time since I've written here. The dynamic between my husband and I is pretty interesting. He has not changed, he is incredibly remorseful, which I anticipated, but I don't know how I feel about that. I won't make a post on enotalone because I don't really want anyone's opinion. I just need to talk about it. He's stepped up in a major way, he takes care of the finances and within a year we will be debt free. I'll be finished with school and will be able to take care of myself and my daughter if need be. I don't know if this is his thought process, but it is mine. He has made a bit of a point when we were fighting not too long ago, that I wouldn't be able to take care of myself or my daughter while I'm going to school, like I owe him something, but I haven't had to try. If I did have to, I'm pretty sure I could. I know I could. I want him to take responsibility for what he did...it was abominable, but there's always something else more important that needs to be dealt with. His step-father is dying right now, he's in California. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted March 27, 2016 Author Share Posted March 27, 2016 I will sound like a real jerk right now, but there's always something. I always have to take second place. I don't ever get the chance to be important, even to myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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