BritterSweet Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I first found out about speed dating by seeing it on an episode of Frasier. After Googling it, I saw that there are sessions in my general area. Once on a blue moon I thought about it because it seems to directly address what I think is the main reason I haven't found someone: I don't meet and get to know enough new people. And when I go out, I don't think anyone is interested in flirting. I mean I go to coffee shops just intending to get coffee or read, not to chat with strangers. In a speed dating session, I will know that everyone I meet there is interested in finding someone. But I wonder if that should be considered a last resort. I have the feeling that if I bring this up to my parents, they will say I shouldn't do it because it would make me appear desperate, or I would only meet desperate people. After all, why haven't I found someone the traditional way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegasus Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 But I wonder if that should be considered a last resort. I have the feeling that if I bring this up to my parents, they will say I shouldn't do it because it would make me appear desperate, or I would only meet desperate people. After all, why haven't I found someone the traditional way? Last resort in dating section is truly accepting your eternal singledom (not like people on this forum who say they will never date again but appear with new dating problems next week ;-)). I never attended speed dating event myself but I am considering going to one next month at least to see how that works - the worst thing would be that nobody likes me there (well that is hardly an option anything more than that is good. Not all people are suited in social areas of life to meet other people in traditional ways. Nothing embarrassing about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friendsoulmate Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 BitterSweet, I had your same thoughts and feelings before I went to my first speed dating event. I was embarrased I could not meet a special woman through school, friends, or sporting events, when I was younger. Out of the 14 women I interviewed/speed dated with, only 2 of them had never been married and had no children. I said yes to them, but they said no to me, so I had no matches that night. I think the experience was worth $30, and the 220 round trip miles I drove to go to that speed dating event that night, just to meet the two women who had never been married and had no children, but at the same time it is really disappointing when I have no matches. I might want to do this again, if the event occurred on a Friday or Saturday or Sunday night, instead of the weeknight I went. I am not interested in dating divorced, single mothers, because I am not a divorced, single father. We would have no common life experiences, in my opinion. The organized, commercial speed dating events, are most always hosted at an establishment which serves alcohol, if you want it. If you are not interested in dating divorced single fathers who like to drink at bars, then be sure to have all of those screening questions at the top of your mind and question list. Such as Single?, Currently attached to someone else?, Drinking habits?, Smoker?, Ever been married?, Children?, If never been married, do you look forward to being married? The mistake I made at my first speed dating event, was I ended up dominating the conversation with all of my questions and the woman did not ask enough questions about me. I had asked them if they had any questions for me, but they had just a few of their important questions (such as, "What do you do for a living?"), but they still wanted me to keep asking questions, and then the woman would direct the very same question I asked her, to me and say, "...and how about yourself.", and yes, I was able to answer the question, because I had thought of my own answer beforehand, before asking the question. I quickly found out they were divorced, single mothers, so the rest of the conversation was not that important to me anyway. The second mistake I made, was after I found out they were single, never been married and no children, I did not skip the past relationship questions and jump to the questions about religion. I am the 40-year-old virgin, Christian man, with little dating/relationship experience. It was a good learning experience. If I go to my next speed dating event, I will have those errors corrected and hopefully have some better interviews. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritterSweet Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 I'm not too worried about meeting only divorced fathers because I don't think my age group has that many of them. Plus, the company I was looking up says that they separate sessions by age groups,so I don't have to worry about meeting someone too old or too young for me. You're right about coming up with screening questions ahead of time. Six minutes may or may not be enough time for us to learn enough about each other. But how would you ask your questions without coming accross as too pushy? I mean, this is supposed to be an introduction to dating, not a job interview Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I don't know whether I think its effective in terms of actually meeting someone .. no reason why it wouldn't be I suppose. But to be honest, this is one of those things I totally wish I'd done before I found someone. There's something about it that strikes me as so much fun. Meeting 12 people in one afternoon and having 5 minutes to speak to each just sounds like a great time to me - but then I love first impressions. That moment when you meet someone (male, female, whatever) and get that tiny insight into who they are. I just really love that - so I really wish speed dating had been bigger when I was single. If I were you - I'd go with the intention of having a good time and enjoying the experience - if you happen to meet someone, that's a bonus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriarRose Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 I would never do it, but I would think it could work for someone very attractive and fairly outgoing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveSoDeep Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 I've gone once. I actually liked it and plan to go again once I have more time. It was nice to meet men in my age range...and like you said it's nice to know that they really are there b/c they want to meet someone. The one I went to had more women than men, not sure if that is normal. Either way I had I think 4 matches. I had dinner with 2 of them and it just didn't work out...but I think they were qulaity dates (better than some of the ones I've had with guys from on-line sites). The other 2 never contacted me. But you know it was fun to get out and meet people even chatting with the other ladies that were there was fun. I say give it a shot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfan Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 I wonder if it would be a good idea to bring index cards with your vital stats written on them, and hand them out to all the dates you meet there. They'd probably really appreciate it, think you are super organized, and love not having to ask you all those screening questions they are asking everyone else. Example: Vital Stats - Never married - One adopted daughter age 6 - Job: Pharmacist for 13 years; I like my job - 2006 Ford Explorer, green - Two cats - Don't want to get married for at least 2 years - Non-smoker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amandamarie Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I really enjoyed speed dating when I went! I thought it was a neat way to meet so many people at once. I didn't find anyone that I was interested in, but I think I got about 10 guys who were interested. I can carry on a conversation with anyone though, so that definitely helps. Some of the people amazed me actually with the type of questions that they asked. Some seemed to have no clue...asking about my last relationship and how it ended, about whether I thought they were attractive, just some WEIRD things. But most of the guys were just normal, decent men. At the time, I just wasn't ready to date. But I would definitely do it again. The only thing that worries me is that in a small city like I am in, that I would see the same people over and over. I am thinking about driving to a larger city in a few weeks to participate in one there. Do you guys think it would be a waste of time to attend a speed dating event a few hours away? A move may be in my future anyway, but just wandering how far is "normal" to drive to one of these? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveSoDeep Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I wonder if it would be a good idea to bring index cards with your vital stats written on them, and hand them out to all the dates you meet there. They'd probably really appreciate it, think you are super organized, and love not having to ask you all those screening questions they are asking everyone else. Example: Vital Stats - Never married - One adopted daughter age 6 - Job: Pharmacist for 13 years; I like my job - 2006 Ford Explorer, green - Two cats - Don't want to get married for at least 2 years - Non-smoker I'm not sure this is a good idea mfan. When I went to speed dating there was one guy who seemed to have thought the same way, he didn't write them down but as soon as he sat down he rattled off his list like he was reading a resume or something. It was borderline creepy. Just be your self and make a list of fairly normal fun questions. I can't even rememebr how many people asked what I did for a living....ok question but difficult for me to answer in a short concise way and I started having de ja vue after about the 5th time I answered that question. I think the ones that seemed to go better were like "what was the last concert you went to or last movie you saw?"....or "I like to salsa dance do you dance?" It doesn't have to be ground breakingly creative but try to switch it up a little and you'll do a lot better and probably have more fun. Just my thoughts....for what they're worth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SometimesShy Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I've tried it a few times, and every time was horrible because the people that show up to these events are totally random. It's as if the organizers just picked the first 50 people that walked by their door on the street. So in my case I found that none of the women I met work out or were in good physical shape, none of them like art / photography / movies / music the way I do. None of them had any kind of strong opinions on anything, so it was like I was screening them for a job interview that none of them were qualified for. Out of the 30 women I met each time there were only 1 or 2 that I found attractive. I would never do speed-dating ever again, it has been one of my worst dating experiences. ...Now if these speed-dating event organizers started to screen or organize speed-dating events where I knew that the women there were very physically active, loved the arts, loved sex, and had some solid opinions on something, then I would be the first to sign up, but this will never happen, as it's too much work for the organizers, and they are able to fill the seats with random people, so why would they bother. There is no incentive for the organizers that the participants have any success. They make their money where it's a match or a dud for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrandMrsBrown Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 22? Really? Go girl!!! This is the ONLY time of your life to date, date freely, pretty much do whatever you want. Dont get hung up on "suppose to do" nonsense. If you meet a random guy and want to kiss him, go ahead. If you are out all night partying and suddenly feel like going home and passing out without anybody: Go ahead. This is your only oppournity to live life on your young ass immature (thank goodness) standards! Go for it. Be free youngin', be free! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrandMrsBrown Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 ..............Pervert! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritterSweet Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Sounds fun, but no thank you. If 22-year-olds are expected to be immature and do whatever they want, then I'd rather be the exception than the rule. I want to be known as someone with a good head on her shoulders Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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