Does he like me or does he just want sex??

[myonlymotive]

Hey guys!!

 

Uh so I'm really stuck about what to do here- there's a long backstory but long story short I met this guy first year Uni (he was postgrad I was undergrad) and we hit it off, I fell pretty hard, we had a couple of dates and he dumped me because I was too young for him (age gap 17 - 22 at the time)

 

Basically we've remained friends, I'm now a month away from 20 and he's 24- we're still pretty attracted to each other, but we'd both ignored it for such a long while that we kind of moved on but kind of didn't- if that makes sense.

 

Anyway, for the past couple of weeks we've been seeing more of each other- we had dinner one night which ended in some physical contact (cuddling, but nothing more) Since then we've broached the subject and we've ended up confessing some feelings for each other.

 

It was going well until today- we were talking casually about dating and he said that I'd never asked a guy out on a date- at which point I took it upon myself to ask him (it seemed like the right time.. haha)

 

And then he said he'd like to go on this date.. but he also wanted to keep it casual. I was like ... 'seriously?!'

 

The other factor in this is that at the end of January he's going to Europe for a month, so I guess he might be waiting until after that to commit to anything.. but in the meantime I know I want to be with him and dragging out the waiting (a month!) is brutal! So I don't know whether to just.. leave it be and just do my normal thing, or ask him for more confirmation or what. Because.. I want to know whether I should spend this month hoping that he'll come back and ask me out or whether I can just kind of let things go now completely. This in between stage is going to kill me!!

 

And should I go on this date?? I'm not keen for casual, I'm not against it completely just.. not with this guy. I like him too much for that. Help!!

 

Thank yoooou (and sorry for wall of text btw!)

[pennyloafer2]

1. Relax. He might like you alot he might not. The point of dating is to see if there's a spark.

2. This is the first time you guys are gonna go out on a date, correct? It can't be anything other than casual.

3. He's probably getting smother vibes from you. He probably likes you but doesn't want you to get all up in his face. He said the casual comment to kind of push you away a bit.

 

Only you can decide if you are okay with this. Do you want a relationship with this fellow? Maybe after a few days you'll see if it's going as serious as you'd like it to go. If you don't want to have sex, then don't.

 

I don't know what you expect him to promise you just yet.

[myonlymotive]

Yeah true.. it kind of is, it's just given our history it's so odd!! I think I might be a bit full on but I find it so difficult to pull back, especially since I've liked him for so long and I finally have a chance!! Do you have any advice maybe on how I could.. accomplish that??

I don't know if I want him to promise me anything, but.. knowing there could be a possibility that this could go somewhere (anywhere!) would be nice!!

I'll definitely try and pull back though... that sounds like the best course of action

Thank you!!

[pennyloafer2]

Guys like chasing. Don't be easy. (I mean this in an over-arching manner. Not just sex. Don't be needy.)

Be charming, lovely, impress him as if you're not trying to impress him. Make him want to want you. Otherwise this sounds like the beginning of an unbalanced relationship.

 

Depending on how the first date goes, I recommend NOT setting up the second one. Wait for him to initiate and set up a date.

 

If he asks to go back to his place after your date, say you have to meet up with someone (don't imply the gender, leave it ambiguous). In any case, unless you want casual sex, I don't recommend having it.

[abitbroken]

I wouldn't read too much into the timing as far as him going to Europe. Just see what happens after he returns. I think that you should pay attention to what he said. I would think most guys would just go out on a date and not tell the woman up front what he was looking for unless he met a woman online. I think that he would just go on a date and see where things lead. He is sort of getting himself off the hook. Don't let yourself get into the trap of thinking you can "change" his mind - that if you wow him, he'll be nuts about you and want to commit to you. What happened the first time? I agree that he was in the right to not date you until you until you were 18 as he wouldn't want to be hit with statuatory rape, but to me there is a difference between a guy telling a girl upfront that she is too young as soon as he knows her age (which at school should be known upfront as he would know what year of school you were in and ask questions), or really liking her and explaining about the age thing but continuing to see her but slow down - keep things innocent, no making out - but movies, etc, and old fashioned dating would be okay if she was going to be 18 soon. But if he started to get into dating you it seems like age was something he used as an excuse to let you down easy. Maybe I am a pessimist.

 

Honestly, if he is not wanting anything serious (and it shouldn't be in any relationship at first), I wouldn't be either. Accept dates from other guys and go out with friends and don't wait by the phone. You'll be more apt to assess him for what he wants and who he is rather than him being the only one available to date. You'll know soon if he was truthful or he was bluffing and really secretly wants a relationship.