Question about shy girls

[Double J]

Last semester in college, I became a little interested in this girl I knew for a few months. I could tell you this - this girl is one of the major ultra-shy types. Someone who knows her told me she only had one b/f when she was like 14. She doesn't go on dates, doesn't go out much, and she's the bookworm type - she is super intelligent. You guys might be saying she sounds pretty boring, but I actually became interested in her because she's unassuming yet classy, cute, and serious about her future. Further proof of her shyness is that when I first tried approaching her to talk, she'd barely talk back; gradually, she opened up and feels comfortable around me now.

 

OK, to get to the point. One day I casually when up to her. Since we often studied together, I ask her "We need a break from all this studying. Let's catch a movie sometime." Some girls would instantly KNOW that the guy is asking a girl out in this situation, but this girl didn't seem to get it. She replied with, "Oh, that sounds like a good idea.. Maybe Juan can come along too." Juan is a friend she's known since high school and they're very close (No they're not interested in one another, I asked).

 

Some friends have told me that she said that on purpose to avoid a date because she could have been either shy or uninterested, others say she was probably totally clueless. What do you guys think? Take into consideration that she's probably never been in a situation like that one. I'm not interested in her anymore (she's still my friend) but I'm curious as to what you guys think for future considerations.

[mahlina]

I think that her inviting Juan was sorta her polite way of hinting that she only wants to be friends. I remember doing that to a guy back then. He's cool and all, but whenever he'd want to hang out, I'd automatically say, "Lemme call up Vanessa, and see if she wants to hang out as well...." It was my way of avoiding a 'date.' I think that even if she is shy, she does intuitively know whether or not she might want to be with a guy. Even if the approach of hanging out seemed somewhat subtle, I think that if she did like you, then she would've done the oppossite by telling you that it's cool to hang out, and not invite Juan.

 

I'd say for now, keep your options open. Some girls just want to find that one and only. They don't want to tamper with other people's emotions, by getting involved just with anyone. That's why they're really careful with who they chose to distinguish between: 'Just a Guy Friend' -OR- a 'Potential'. For me, the chemistry's either there or it's not. Even if it's not, I'd still feel guilty hanging out with a guy who I feel that's genuinely sincere, thereforeeee, I'd invite another pal to join us, or just stop hanging out with him and talking to him in general. Maybe that's what she's doing. I don't know what she thinks, but that's sometimes our own way of keeping things on neutral grounds. Whatever it is, realize what you want. Decide on whether or not you think that the relationship is worth pursuing.

 

I think that for any kind of potentially happy, healthy, fun and loving relationship to occur, both partners must feel that 'same chemistry' for each other. Of course there might be a slight imbalance of who loves who more. However, the main point is: those feelings should be there for both partners. That's where I think that people are successful in finding their soul-mates: when both partners feel that similar attraction for each other, and both partners fit that mold. If not, then people should be true the the circmustances and situation, and accept things for what they are. Otherwise, they might be setting themselves up for more heartaches. Keep things in life simple. I wish you the best of luck in finding that 'right' person. There are lots of fishes out there. I'm sure that you'll run into a lot more shy chicks, similar to her along the way. Good to you. Take care.-Mahlina

[FreemanIG88]

I'd say give it one more try and if she doesn't want to go 1 on 1 give up on that avenue and stay friends.

[ComputerGuy]

What do you mean seems boring??? I'm attracted to the same sort of girl. I have one female friend who after about 12 - 18 months of trying to get her to go with me, I gave up. Anyway, we were talknig one day and she said that she doesn't go out with anyone, because she just wants to find that special someone, and not go through all the crap in between, like was said. So this is a possibility.

[Emotional]

i think she might have "jaun" as a security blanket or something..like if the date goes wrong shes got him...

 

I dont think she was clueless of the fact that u were aksing her out tho

 

dont under estimate a shy person..lol

[northernlights]

I dont think she was clueless of the fact that u were aksing her out tho

 

dont under estimate a shy person..lol

 

You bet. Don't underestimate a girl's understanding of what you're saying/hinting at either. We don't have that whole "woman's intuition" quote thing for nothing. If you've liked her for awhile, she's probably known about it. And she probably knew you wanted to ask her out before you asked her out.

 

Like other people said, try asking her to do something one more time. Make it a little less date-like...like just hanging out and talking. If she still wants to take "Juan" or anyone else, she probably just wants to be friends.