How to put an end to it once and for all??

[r0ckox]

How do you tell someone you're in love with, who doesn't feel the same, who won't admit to not feeling the same, nor will admit to having any feelings at all, nor will give you the chance to take your 'friendship' and turn it into something more, that you don't want to talk to them, or be involved in their life anymore, after you've already tried that several times in the last year, and failed, without being a about it? I don't want to just ignore her, and disappear on her. I know I'll cave and eventually answer if I do go that route.

[HeartGoesOn]

This will go on and on until you decide that it's time to make this about "you," and not all about her.

[r0ckox]

Yeah.. so how do I do that? What do I do to stop all this? Obviously it's a conversation that I'm going to need to have with her, because again, I can't just ignore her.

[thouse]

I would tell her what you want, and if she is not on the same page with you. Then I would inform her of what you need to do to take care of YOURSELF in this situation, then you are not disappearing on her. Then you have to stick to your guns..

[dean kaplan]

Just talk to her. And then cut her off, NO CONTACT whatsoever, until the feelings you feel for her aren't as strong. It's really that simple.

[livelarge]

Some people can't handle that kind of conversation. What I had to do with a special friend like that was stop taking the calls. I tried having the conversation. I told him my feelings. All of it fell on deaf ears. But in the end I felt OK with cutting contact because I had the conversation. Just because he didn't want to hear it, didn't mean we didn't have it. And I think it's fair that when somebody ignores your wants and wishes that you can in turn ignore their wants and wishes.

 

When I stopped taking the calls, he eventually stopped calling - although it took a considerable amount of time for that to happen because he was persistent.

 

Honestly, I think my problem was that I didn't really want him to go away. Eventually when I had enough, not answering the calls was easy. I think you have to reach your limit. REALLY reach your limit.

[r0ckox]

Unfortunately right now ignoring the calls / texts is going to be a problem. I'm unable to do so for more than a few days. Hence why I need to find a way to talk to her. The problem is that whenever talking about anything that isn't joking around comes up, she runs away and ignores me for days.

[livelarge]

I guess my point is that she will never have the conversation with you. She doesn't want to. And you can't ignore her calls and text because you don't really want to.

 

I've been there. I would complain for days on end about how horrible this guy was, but it was totally in my hands to change the relationship and the only way I could was by not talking to him because I was NEVER going to change him. I was never going to make him understand how hard the relationship was for me. And I was never going to get him to stop calling by taking all his calls and asking him over and over again to stop calling. Answering his calls was all the reinforcement he needed to keep calling, it didn't matter what words I spoke when he called.

 

I'm sorry it's going to be so hard for you. Knowing what you know about her (which is that she won't have that conversation), figure out another way to get what you need out this.

[Green Frost]

Everything is all in your head & heart? Do something to keep your mind busy. It will take longer

for your heart to heal. Why don't you put your phone on silent? That is what I do when I go NC

on a girl. It works like a charm! BTW! For this to work you need to delete her number completely

from your phone & messages. So when my phone is on silent it will register a miss call from her but

since I already missed it then I don't need to worry about it. If she leaves you a voice mail do not

listen to it at all cost! Delete it! Yea that's right! Delete it! The question is are you brave enough to do

what I do? I've gone through this many times & I think the only reason why I can handle it is because

I am always the dumper too. Once you're are trained to do this method is a breeze!

 

P.S. Remember there is no going back once you go NC unless you choose to.

[r0ckox]

Believe it or not... I've had my phone on silent since June 2010, Lol. I've deleted her number multiple times, but I recognize it. I also know that even when I let the calls go missed, she'll calla gain. I can ignore her for days, weeks on end and she'll still call. Of course, by that time I'd have eventually caved and made up some excuse as to why I wasn't around -- because stating the real reason simply won't get me anywhere.

 

I am aware that there is no going back on NC -- thats half the reason I can't do it. I always end up saying "Just a little miore time..." and go back.

[Green Frost]

I have one answer for you baRx ---> Change your number. Are you brave enough to do that?

The only reason why the last girl was still able to contact me was because she had my roommates

#? Well, it may also be wise if she doesn't know where you live. However, that is hard to do

because if you had a relationship together your not just gonna spend all your time at one place.

Changing your # is only good if she doesn't know where you live. If she knows where you live and

she wants you. Knock knock... She will be right at your front door --> Trust me on that..

 

P.S. One more thing, make sure she doesn't have anyone of your close contacts #'s also.

[Glowguy]

I don't buy it. You can do it but you just don't want to. Just muster some discipline and ignore her - no conversation required (and what would be the point?). It isn't easy, but it's easier than having to deal with her only on her terms. If you don't then you are just going to create more misery for yourself. Changing your number is a good idea if you find yourself unable to cut her off.

[dean kaplan]

Believe it or not... I've had my phone on silent since June 2010, Lol. I've deleted her number multiple times, but I recognize it. I also know that even when I let the calls go missed, she'll calla gain. I can ignore her for days, weeks on end and she'll still call. Of course, by that time I'd have eventually caved and made up some excuse as to why I wasn't around -- because stating the real reason simply won't get me anywhere.

 

I am aware that there is no going back on NC -- thats half the reason I can't do it. I always end up saying "Just a little miore time..." and go back.

 

Can't you actually block certain phone numbers from ringing your phone altogether? I'm pretty sure you can. If you really want to cut her off, call your cell company about blocking her number.

[Green Frost]

He doesn't have the will power & still thinking with his heart not his brains.

Use the "force" of NC & train yourself to be a Jedi Knight! Only then you

can your hear your brains thinking & not your heart. Glowguy is right! This

is not about her terms. This is about yours. Things did not workout because

it was not meant to be. If you go NC it could only be proven otherwise.

Meaning... If she comes back to you is on your terms. Win win situation if

you can use the "force" of NC!

 

When the chips are down you still got me..

[r0ckox]

Haha -- Well, the NC thing has happened many times through-out our history, and she's always been the one to come back.. hence why I say that now it's hard to do. I've thought of changing my number, but I have too many other people I'd have to notify, in all reality, it's too much of a pain in the as$ for that, right now. As far as blocking her number goes - I don't know how that works, I'm assuming when she calls she'll get a recording that says I've blocked her number? I'm trying to do this without being mean about it. I don't want to come accross as angry; despite the fact that I AM angry.

[Green Frost]

baRx ---> You're not being honest with what you feel. You're angry but not expressing that towards her.

Why are you so concern about her feelings? If the person does not get the hint of leaving you

alone then be mean. Why do I get the feeling that you don't really want this to end completely.

I understand you've tried the method of NC many times but did it ever occur to you that you're

the one who is letting her come back everytime. This is the reason why NC does not work for

you. She knows that if she tries hard enough eventually you will let her come back. The old

saying goes... "If the record is broken why keep playing it?" No improvement then bye bye...

 

I know I sound cold! Many times my friends tell me so... In the end --> I'm on point.

 

Hmm... It helps to have minored in Psychology & gained experiences as time went by.

[r0ckox]

I know the way it sounds... as if I don't want this to end completely.. but I do. The reason I don't want to be mean about it, is that I've been mean before. I've said some nasty things to her in this matter; which still, in the end, has gotten me to the same dead-end road I'm at.

I'm well aware that it's me who's letting her come back. That's half my problem; I always end up letting that happen. I just want to figure out a way she can understand that it's time to stop. I want HER to be able to get it, to agree that we have to stop this... because it's not making sense. I've been mean, I've tried to be nicer, I've ignored her, I've done a lot - It's just not in my personality to be able to ignore someone forever when they try and get ahold of me.

[Live-N-Learn]

I was in your position my friend. I asked the same question. I ended up sending her a nice email asking for time to heal and then I would be back when and if I ever only wanted friendship with her. Guess what her response was? She deleted me from fb and said to a friend F-him, I will be over him in 2 days. So I blocked her on fb, deleted all her pics and will never talk to her again. I feel good about the way I exited with class, can't say the same for her.

 

Realize this was a woman that called me everyday and text everyday for a year post bu. Said I was her best friend. ha!

 

So do what ever makes you feel good to end it but don't count on her liking it or giving you the response you are hoping for. It's not about her anymore, it's about what you need and until you see that you will not cut her off.

[r0ckox]

I actually remember reading your story not too long ago. Especially the F-him I'll be over him in 2 days part. I was mad when I read that.

 

I guess you're right... but what I need is something she cannot, or simply will not give me right now. Part of me thinks that if I can withstand the "test of time" things may work out in the end, but then there's the part of me that says I'm holding on to something that just won't ever happen, because she's too scared to admit that it won't. There's a truth about me inside of her, and I know I'll never get it because it's something she doesn't want to share.

 

But again, being mean about it... and ignoring her will just make me second guess the decision.

 

I don't know. =\

[Live-N-Learn]

I had the same thoughts for a year brother. Difference was that she continued to sleep with me until the middle of Nov.kinda giving me false hope and keeping me stuck. But when it changed to just hanging around as friends, I could not do it and did not want to do it. You need to ask yourself what you want and how much do you want to suffer? How long do you want to hold onto someone that does not want to be with you more than friends? You can say it nicely but stop worrying about how she feels cuz she probably does not care anywhere near the level you do if it ends. I found that out the hard way.

 

Just do whats best for you so you can heal and feel better.

[r0ckox]

I had the same thoughts for a year brother. Difference was that she continued to sleep with me until the middle of Nov.kinda giving me false hope and keeping me stuck. But when it changed to just hanging around as friends, I could not do it and did not want to do it. You need to ask yourself what you want and how much do you want to suffer? How long do you want to hold onto someone that does not want to be with you more than friends? You can say it nicely but stop worrying about how she feels cuz she probably does not care anywhere near the level you do if it ends. I found that out the hard way.

 

Just do whats best for you so you can heal and feel better.

 

Yeah. It's a shame that it has to be this way.

I have an idea on how I'm going to go about it, I just need to get her out to put the plan into action. It's January now...so at this rate I probably won't see her until June. Lol.

I guess I'll update this thread when it happens.... thanks for taking the time to hear me out.

[dean kaplan]

I'm trying to do this without being mean about it. I don't want to come accross as angry; despite the fact that I AM angry.

 

I think it will just say that the number is out of order. I don't think it's necessarily being mean, it's just looking out for #1, yourself. maybe even send her one last txt message letting her know that you're going to do it and explain why. She'll get over it in due time, you will too.