babysunshine Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 So Long story short, I was living in Brazil and then moved to Africa and ended up staying in Africa for five months. I met someone in africa and we spent a lot of time together. After I came back to the States, we continued talking and emailing. He is a super nice guy and I like him a lot but realistically I live in the US and he lives in Africa. Question is: He is going to Barcelona from January 30th to february 6th and wants me to go with him. I JUST moved to New York, and am in the process of finding a job still but the opportunity to go to Barcelona with my ticket and hotel paid for and spend time with him is really tempting. Would it be completely irresponsible for me to just go? I have some money saved up for next months rent and pocket money but I need to land a job still. Then again... it is only five days... how much could it derail my life??? Thanks in advance for any insight/advice! Link to comment
QtPie Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 umm - hell yes - if not, can he pay for me? Link to comment
sidehop Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I guess you have to be realistic about your financial situation. It's the only thing I'd take in consideration. Otherwise, why not and enjoy yourself Link to comment
babysunshine Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 If he was going now I wouldnt even think twice, but since its at the end of the month it leaves me in this limbo since I cant get a job and then ask for a weeks vacation right away!!!!! Link to comment
betrayedgirl Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 life's too short. go enjoy! Link to comment
FreedomRing Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 If it's about the potential of a job, don't worry about what they will think. I've taken many trips after just starting a job. Just say, you understand you will have to take leave without pay, but you've had this trip booked prior to taking the job. Most employers do not flip when phrased that way. Link to comment
sidehop Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 If he was going now I wouldnt even think twice, but since its at the end of the month it leaves me in this limbo since I cant get a job and then ask for a weeks vacation right away!!!!! Can you find a job that could start next month so you're coming home around the time you start the new job? Link to comment
rocio Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 If you don't have the money to pay for your own hotel and flight home, then don't even consider going. You never know what could happen. Link to comment
babysunshine Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 I would NEVER go unless i had the money to pay for my own hotel and flight back home. So technically, if I had to, I could. And this isnt some random man off the internet paying for me, I know the guy (spent five months together). part of me is like "Just gooooo it's only five days" and the other part is like stay focused, get a job, then think about frolicking off in Europe. Link to comment
FootofGod Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Do it. I agree with the other posters that said you should be prepared for the worst. Remember, just *prepared* for the worst, not actually expecting it. If you have the money to get home in an emergency situation, go for it. Sounds like fun... I'm jealous. I'm a straight dude and I'm jealous! Link to comment
testcase Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Life's too short to pass these things up! Do it! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 If you don't have the money to pay for your own hotel and flight home, then don't even consider going. You never know what could happen. Yep, I totally agree. Clearly this guy is not your boyfriend...and chances are he is not willing to pay for this out of the goodness of his heart. Instead of paying you for services rendered, he will be giving you an all expenses paid trip to be his companion/bed partner for the week he is away. This is the reason why women get a bad name as gold diggers...because when a man offers free trips, the woman runs and takes it even if she is not overly interested in the guy for long-term potential. Just because something is offered, doesn't mean you have to take it. I would sort out your job situation first and foremost. Link to comment
rocio Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 CAD makes a very good point. Even if I wanted to sleep with the guy, if I felt he expected it in return for the $$ he spent, that would completely turn me off. Link to comment
babysunshine Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 Like I said, I do have money to pay for myself if need be. I am a graduate student so money for me is tight obviously. He is well-off and has the means to pay. I dont consider myself a gold digger and if I had just met someone I would never. But I spent five months with him and "rendered my services" and he has been a good friend. Link to comment
babysunshine Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 The way I see it, he is going to Barcelona and wants to take me. We enjoy each others company and if I didnt live in the US and him in Africa I would be with him in a heartbeat. Since i cant just run off and move to africa i dont see what the huge deal is about meeting up with him for a week. So basically I am a gold digger/prostitute because I am letting him pay????? Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I don't see anything wrong with letting him pay. Unlike others, I don't think you are a golddigger. You are just friends who are getting together and sometimes friends are nice to each other. I am good friends with T and, in the past, I have paid for his trips before (not expecting anything sexual out of it). We are just good friends. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 The way I see it, he is going to Barcelona and wants to take me. We enjoy each others company and if I didnt live in the US and him in Africa I would be with him in a heartbeat. Since i cant just run off and move to africa i dont see what the huge deal is about meeting up with him for a week. So basically I am a gold digger/prostitute because I am letting him pay????? If he was taking a trip to some backwoods place where you would be sleeping rough and it was not a very exciting place, but he wanted to take you, would you go? I suspect it is the free trip to a nice place which is the big attraction, more than your friendship with him. Yes, he has money, and like those kind of men with money, they can splash it around in order to get companions on trips. Link to comment
babysunshine Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 hmmm... Actually I spent five months living in a shack in Africa volunteering, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. And I can honestly say that if he were going to Kansas i'd still want to meet up with him. Ideally, if I hadn't just moved to New York, I would pay for my own trip but I didnt ask him to take me, the opportunity presented itself and Since he offered to pay, I am able to go. I dont know if maybe you (crazyaboutdogs) had a bad experience with a similar situation, but I do resent your attitude towards me and basically saying Im a prostitute. Link to comment
rocio Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 You asked for opinions and you received a variety of them. If you feel good about going, then by all means, go! Like some of the others, I'm totally jealous. Barcelona must be beautiful. Link to comment
SWEET_J Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 To CAD: I know you mean well but is it necessary to be a wet blanket and think all men are just out to 'get something' from a woman? It's a trip to Barcelona...sheesh..lighten up. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Just be prepared. If you haven't slept with him, it will be expected. To me, this speaks of a lack of boundaries on his part. Why is he going to Barcelona? Is he going anyways and then mentioned that you could join him, or did he sort of plan this with going with you in mind already? And because he is paying it guarantees you will go? I would say go if the two of you mutually talked about meeting up somewhere, mutually chose Barcelona and knew what this trip was going to mean/be. If not, he is running the show and trying to buy or win you, and apparently it works. So, go have fun if you want to, but don't forget about your plans - establishing yourself. I know you have rent money - but how much? one month? 6 months? what if you come back and don't have a job yet and missed out on interviews during that time and used money for month 2 and three rent on your trip? I know I am being a wet blanket. But I guess I am cynical. You want to be in control. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 To CAD: I know you mean well but is it necessary to be a wet blanket and think all men are just out to 'get something' from a woman? It's a trip to Barcelona...sheesh..lighten up. Yes, I know you are referring to the other thread as well. Remember that your generation is not the first generation of men that came on to women in this way for sex. These men are doing what men have done throughout the ages...and throughout the ages there have always been women who were only too happy for the freebies. My grandfather had stories about the men he knew and what they would do to get into a woman's pants. Back in the 80's I saw the same scenarios as what is going on in this thread and what was happening in the other thread regarding the vacation issue. This is nothing new..this is how men play the game. It is not being a wet blanket to call it as it is rather than trying to dress it up as something that is more politically correct. Yes, in situations like this and the other thread, it is all about sex for the man who is making these kinds of offers...and 20 years from now there will still be men doing the same thing and women will still be taking them up on their offer for freebies for the sake of "friendship" or how "romantic" the guy is. No, I never was in situations like this or the other situation from the other thread...I had some opportunities but knew enough to know that this is not what I wanted for myself. Link to comment
SWEET_J Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Ok..so if this guy IS offering her a trip because he hopes to get in her pants, then so what? She is an adult and is probably smart enough to figure that out for herself. But her question was not about if she should go because she might have to sleep with him..it was because she is torn between having a fun filled all expense paid trip...or being 'responsible' and looking for a job. Had she asked that, I could completely get where you're coming from. That's all i meant. To the OP: The trip sounds fun...I think you should go but make sure you have some of yourown money as well. The job market will still be here regardless if you go or not. Link to comment
babysunshine Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 if it helps to clarify the situation, we spent five months together... and in that time we did have sex. So this trip isnt about him expecting to get in my pants... been there done that. Link to comment
agatha Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 0- if it feels right, then go! 1- people with international experience land jobs easier, fact. 2- that opportunity won't be knocking on your door again any time soon 3- interviews and calls could and should be scheduled in advance. I always schedule mines with at least one week's notice. besides, depending on your field, most of the previous contact can be done through e-mail. 4- starting dates can be negotiable, even more so depending on your field. 5- interviews and selection processes hardly ever give you immediate response, so a week away may take the unnecessary anxiety off of your shoulders for a while ; ) I could make a longer list, but honestly, don't think it's that necessary. Link to comment
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