Long Distance Dilemma, who's business is it ?

[jjnner]

Three weeks ago I met the greatest guy, and we are just crazy about each other. He lives 10 hours away and has a steady permanent good paying job in a small town. I have a part-time job, and it is not that permanent, so in order to over come our long distance relationship we have decided that I would move away and live with him. Everything sounds great……BUT my family. They are protesting this move and are showing they're displeasure quite readily. They told me that since they all are saying it's a bad idea.. It must be. They think I am "rushing" this relationship and have told me that I should wait at least 6 months before I move. I have chosen to move next month. This is creating problems and conflicts between my family. The town I will be moving to, my Sister and her family lives there, so I wont be totally isolated. I think all I have to do is listen to them, not have them run my life. They are insisting that I listen to them and they know best!! This conflict is driving me crazy and is getting me real upset and is interfering with my relationship. What do I do????

[mercurytears]

I think it is rushing things a bit. Make sure you know him well enough before you do this. I mean REALLY know him. Know things like when he i mad will he hit you and other things that are hard to know in three weeks.

 

I think that maybe you should listen to your family, and wait a couple of months. LDRs are really hard, but it is better to be apart a bit longer and be sure your not making a mistake.

[Jamiegirl]

I think you should just do what you think is right, I mean its your life and you are the one that is gonna have to live with the consequences if this doesnt work out. Trust yourself to make the right desicion and try not to consentrate on what other people think. If they are your family then they should stick by you 100% no matter what you do.

[parisian_pink]

I understand love at first sight; I really do. However, when you are considering moving in with someone, it is better to be safe than sorry. If you REALLY love him, and I think you should if you are going to cohabitate, then why not wait just 2 or 3 months? It may be hard, but it could show your family that you are a bit more serious than they might think, and it will give you guys a bit more time to get to know each other. Additionally, just to assure your family and yourself, maybe you should get a background check done on him. It may sound sneaky or paranoid to you, but if he has nothing to hide, he should understand your need to make a safe decision, and he shouldn't protest. A clean record will also help your family cope. Additionally, it would be beneficial to introduce him to your family.

 

The background check might sound crazy to you, but I offer you this advice from experience. In high school, my best best friend met this great guy at work and wanted to date him. The only trouble was, he was a lot older than she was (she was 17 and he was 30.) He seemed like a REALLY amazing guy, though, and in his defense, my friend Kristin was ALWAYS being mistaken for a girl in her mid-20s, both by the way she looked and acted. So anyway, her parents were very cool and open-minded, since there was a 12-year age difference between her mom and dad, so they said they would not rule him out if he had a strong character. Well, unbeknownst to Kristin, her dad, who was a lawyer, performed a background check on her new boyfriend, and found out that this AMAZING guy was wanted on vehicular manslaughter in Arizona, had done jail time for drug trafficing, and was a registered sex offender with 2 restraining orders against him for stalking young girls. I SWEAR! When confronted, it was as though her boyfriend morphed into a completely different person. He exploded into a fit of rage for this invasion of privacy, and then left without ever coming back. So, while it may seem like a drastic step to take, it isn't a dumb one.

 

Just think of it this way: if he has nothing to hide, he won't mind, and a clean record will put you and your family at ease. Also ask to meet his family; get a feel for how he interacts with them and how normal they seem. Trust me, you won't regret it later. Good luck!