Women, what are your sexual needs?

[Lady Rashomon]

I feel like I've been privy to a disturbing trend among female friends I know and some of the female posters on this board, who are either completely unaware of what their sexual needs are or are unable to voice them to their partners. Just for fun--and regardless of whether you do voice your sexual needs or not--can you articulate what they are?

 

Although I'm not currently sexually active with a partner, I know that for many reasons, it was always very difficult for me to talk about what I wanted in bed--here's hoping that'll change the next time around.

 

My needs (if/when I have sex again):

 

1) Being with an adventurous, creative partner who's willing to try almost anything and doesn't have weird homoerotic hangups (I've found that some of my male partners in the past were unwilling to try certain things that were hardly what I'd call beyond the pale, just because they thought it would make them "gay").

 

2) Being with someone who is capable of both hot, nasty, rough, fun sex and tender, sweet lovemaking--and is capable of switching between the two without effort or creating some kind of false dichotomy.

 

3) Being with someone who enjoys long, leisurely foreplay (lots of making out, touching, oral, etc.) and who doesn't have a goal-oriented approach to sex (i.e., he ejaculates and then it's over)--someone who sees lovemaking as a fun, relaxing, emotionally and spiritually charged way of expressing himself.

 

4) I definitely have submissive tendencies that I've never been able to fully express in a relationship, so I'd want to be with someone I trusted and felt totally comfortable with sexually, and who was willing/able to take control and let me relinquish my own.

 

5) I'd want to be with a man who takes care of himself physically and who has obvious sex appeal. This doesn't mean that I want to be with someone who is high maintenance, but my last partner was an avid chain-smoker who gained about 50 lbs. in the course of our relationship--he expected me to be hot and clean-shaven down there at all times, but paid very little heed to his own appearance.

 

6) I'd want an unselfish partner. I'm a VERY giving person, sometimes to my own detriment. Someone who sees my sexual needs as being just as important as his own is key.

[CSLX9]

Now there's something I can agree with.

[OrangeMoon]

- Well endowed..and knows how to use it...

- Abled fingers..

- patient

- Overall giving and loving

- Manly in the bedroom but not to dominant though

- Fun

- Abled kisser

- Knows how to extend penetration..so someone with great endurance

- Strong

[DrKitten]

1. Someone who isn't afraid to be rough with me. I'm talking leaving rope marks, spanking bruises, and general manhandling.

 

2. Generous and proficient with oral sex/foreplay.

 

3. A similar sex drive to mine.

 

4. He's generous and into pleasing me but doesn't get all hung up on my orgasm. He should make his own pleasure a priority too, and not be afraid to tell me what he wants.

 

5. Creative, spontaneous and open to new things.

 

6. Takes care of himself in terms of hygiene and fitness.

[Fudgie]

1) someone who likes foreplay as much as I do. My boyfriend and I set aside time at night for about 2 hours of JUST foreplay...mostly making out.

 

2) penetration doesn't interest me as much. I want a man who won't pressure me for it.

 

3) someone who is very romantic and will make me feel like (rihanna said) the only girl in the world.

 

4) someone who is into spanking...both giving and receiving. I like to do both and do not want to choose between the two!

 

5) good kisser. He can have no penis for all I care but his kiss should leave me writhing.

 

Don't care much about looks.

[pennyloafer2]

Averagely endowed. Too big has been painful for me in the past. (But i guess how you use it is more important)

Likes my body, is interested in it, wants to play with it.

Will take control when I ask.

is Rough.

likes anal sex, likes giving and receiving oral

pushes my boundaries

good and creative with kissing. Kissing is really important to me.

[thejigsup]

1. PLEASE not over 5'. I'm tiny down there and anything bigger than that is NOT going to fit, trust me.

2. Be a master at oral and manual manipulation. I love to come that way first before intercourse, then I can have multiples the traditional way.

3. Don't be too romantic or mushy in bed. I'm there for the physical mainly, romance is for outside the bedroom for me.

4. Listen to me when I tell you what I want. You have the freedom to say "no" as long as you have listened first.

5. Appreciate my talents in and out of the bedroom. They are many and I have worked to perfect them.

6. Let me fantasize. It's fun!

7. Don't talk much during sex, please.

8. I'm not a big fan of kissing, so please keep that to a minimum.

[DrKitten]

1. PLEASE not over 5'.

 

I wouldn't want a guy over 5 feet long either.

 

Just teasing jigsup.

[quirky]

I haven't thought about it much. I just don't like to feel that my sex drive is higher.

 

I mainly want a guy that reaaallly desires me. If the chemistry is there I feel that everything else will be sorted.

A bit rough is good too. But not too much. I had someone so rough I could hardly feel anything but the pain. He also talked way too much..

[OptomisticGirl]

*someone who isn't afraid to get rough with me. No slapping or anything, but roughly pinning my arms down, rough gropping, and just pretty much going at it like animals.

 

*doesn't mind if I get mine before his (since I only frequently orgasm through foreplay)

 

*someone who is willing to try new things, although not all the way out there

 

*someone who makes love to me every once and a while (can't have rough bunny sex all the time, haha)

 

*wonderful fingers

 

*doesn't mind recieving a BJ often since it's one of the major things that turn me on

 

*talk dirty to me (although not in the porn way but the believeable way)

[Lady Rashomon]

Great kiser, yes! He also has to be subtle and a master of seduction--grabbing my boob or dry humping me aint gonna get me in the mood! Also, great banter and powerul chemistry are a must!

[tiredofvampires]

*enjoys subtlety; subtle touch, subtle sensations; very sensually keen and sensitive

*not overly endowed (average or under, all welcome here)

*would give up just about everything in the world, including penetration and his stash of Red Vines (why do all guys eat that crap?) for my BJs and other foreplay

*willing to call me every name in the book, smack me in the face and then later be pillow-talking late into the night with the greatest of snuggle, cuddle love

*did I say love to cuddle?

*orally brilliant (intense, passionate kisser, and everything else good tongues do besides be eloquent out of bed)

*unsqueamish about female anatomy and well-versed in its ways

*adventurous and willing to try new things, but not in a demanding way; accomodating of mutual boundaries

*flexible and not goal-oriented

*expressive vocally; not stoic

*willing to work with physical limitations (I have some pain issues)

*IS A GIVER, SHARES MY FEELING THAT GIVING IS THE BEST GETTING

[tiredofvampires]

Oops, forgot one:

 

*okay with pubic hair and has kept his

 

LOL

[ProtestTheHero]

Oops, forgot one:

 

*okay with pubic hair and has kept his

 

LOL

 

Was waiting for it. lol.

 

I have nothing to add but OG's list is very manageable so CS picked him a fine one, lol.

 

EDIT:

 

Well now that I look through them I feel like I could do ok w/ half of the lists, lol.

[tiredofvampires]

Was waiting for it. lol.

 

Would you believe that's the first one I thought of (because of all that rumpus) -- and then I FORGOT?? Lol!

[tiredofvampires]

But OG has pubes, PTH. Hee hee.

[tiredofvampires]

OG actually has a really good list. I could go with that list for myself, too. Good point, last item. I hate fake dirty talk -- it's just silly.

[ProtestTheHero]

But OG has pubes, PTH. Hee hee.

 

I don't know her that well. What is fake dirty talk? Like, forced swears and use of penis slang that sounds odd? I've experienced REAL dirty talk but it didn't ever feel contrived. If it did I'd have probably laughed, which would've been bad.

[OptomisticGirl]

I don't know her that well. What is fake dirty talk? Like, forced swears and use of penis slang that sounds odd? I've experienced REAL dirty talk but it didn't ever feel contrived. If it did I'd have probably laughed, which would've been bad.

 

Like in porn when you KNOW they are doing it for the camera. Tell me how good it feels, what you like, fine. Go off on a rampant about how wet and slushy I am with your big gong and yeahhhhh, I'm turned off.

 

Was waiting for it. lol.

 

I have nothing to add but OG's list is very manageable so CS picked him a fine one, lol.

 

EDIT:

 

Well now that I look through them I feel like I could do ok w/ half of the lists, lol.

 

I think I was complimented there.

[ProtestTheHero]

Like in porn when you KNOW they are doing it for the camera. Tell me how good it feels, what you like, fine. Go off on a rampant about how wet and slushy I am with your big gong and yeahhhhh, I'm turned off.

 

 

 

I think I was complimented there.

 

I was unaware that people actually even tried to emulate the pseudo-reality porn-speak.

 

Yes, you were complimented. That's somewhat rare for me, lol. ToV can attest to it.

[OptomisticGirl]

I was unaware that people actually even tried to emulate the pseudo-reality porn-speak.

 

Yes, you were complimented. That's somewhat rare for me, lol. ToV can attest to it.

 

They do. It's scary too how some men think that's how you are suppose to talk dirty. I had a friend whose BF thought she was suppose to slap her vagina like they do... >.

 

lol, well thank you PTH.

[tiredofvampires]

I don't know her that well. What is fake dirty talk? Like, forced swears and use of penis slang that sounds odd? I've experienced REAL dirty talk but it didn't ever feel contrived. If it did I'd have probably laughed, which would've been bad.

 

Well, she and I are of one mind when it comes to the pubes issue -- her contributions on the pube thread echo mine. She, me and Fudgie being a happy clan of three there.

 

 

 

It's hard to explain what fake dirty talk is without examples, lol. Like OG said, something that sounds like it's taken directly from 3,000 equivalent porn scenes, and I'd say with canned inflections, too. Lol. As you say -- contrived. Forced swears and certain penis slang DEFINITELY would fall under this umbrella. Emphasis on the latter. There's just a word here or there I can't stand, because it DOES make me laugh and as you point out, that's not good. Think total catch-lines at totally predictable moments with a script-like intonation. Let's put it this way: I've exchanged such parlance and it sounded real, and it worked. Other times, the delivery and the words just seemed so contrived (and I was guilty of that a few times myself, thinking he would like it), it took everything in me not to lose focus as my eyes rolled back in my head (and not because it was awesome -- because I felt lame, hahaha.)

[tiredofvampires]

I had a friend whose BF thought she was suppose to slap her vagina like they do... >.

 

Ah yes! The good ol' vag slap! Didn't we talk about this on another thread? How that just is the most ridiculous move EVER?

[OptomisticGirl]

For me it's the P word for women's parts. I can not STANNNNDDDDD that word!!!

[Fudgie]

B mentioned "vagina slaps" to me. He's like "WHY would anyone want that? I don't want my penis/balls slapped!! Ouch!"

 

Yuck, yuck.