I hate my bf talking to his ex or any other girl hes hooked up with

[Hannah13]

My bf and i have been dating officially for over a month, but were together since late august. He still talks to his ex's, and a couple girls hes hooked up with. The bad thing is, were all kinda in the same social circle, so i actually have to witness this going on.

 

It pretty much kills me, and it puts me into horrible moods and makes me very upset. All i think about when we hang out is those girls.

 

IDK what to do, im not really a confrontational person and i dont feel like i have the 'right' to say anything. I mean hes not cheating, so whats the big deal. I did sorta confront him about his recent ex when i was drunk one night, and said he will end up hurting me over it like my ex did.

 

What do you all think? Am i being just too emotional, should i not care he talks to them? I really just need some advice

[Anonymous122]

I wouldn't date someone who had any contact with their ex, or as you stated, anyone they've ever had sexual relations with.

[ToF]

My boyfriend is still close friends with several of his ex's. He knows where our boundaries are, and as long as he respects those boundaries then I have no problem with it.

 

It comes down to whether you trust him, or not.

 

EDIT: I just noticed what you wrote about your ex. Your ex and your new boyfriend are separate people, so assuming that he will hurt you like your ex did is a big mistake. You've been burned in the past, but that's no reason to penalize him. If your trust issues are that severe, then perhaps you aren't yet ready to be in a relationship.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sounds like he has been around the block many times. If he has banged all these women in his social circle then you have two choices...accept that he is going to be talking to women he has had sex with since they were part of his social circle prior to sex happening...or end the relationship and find someone who doesn't socialize with all the women he has had sex with. Personally, I would not want to be with someone who is friends with an ex and whose many exs are part of his social circle. To me it would seem like he collects former sex buddies like some people collect stamps.

[lady00]

I don't see what the problem is with him being friends with exes or people he has hooked up with in the past. One of my confidants and people that I sometimes go to for advice is an ex of mine. There is nothing going on there and nothing ever will be going on there again. I am also friends with another ex of mine who is a great person and whom I enjoy talking to, but again, nothing's happening there so I would expect any guy I date in the future to be fine with that. If there is nothing going on with these people in the present, then it would not bother me. But that's just me. If it bothers you then you should break things off and find someone who does not maintain friendships with exes. And let him find someone who is fine with him being friends with exes. There is no right or wrong here, in my opinion, just different. And if you're not OK with it then that's fine. Do whatever works for you.

[Hannah13]

i think i might just keep it to myself for a while. Or try to. I really dont like the situation but i feel it might just be too early to even say anything.

[ToF]

i think i might just keep it to myself for a while. Or try to. I really dont like the situation but i feel it might just be too early to even say anything.

 

How can you expect someone to fulfill your needs if you don't make it clear what those needs are?

 

Establish your boundaries NOW, rather than keeping quiet about them. What's the point of keeping it to yourself, really?

[eclipse love]

Maybe you could tell him that you don't like what he does. Then he may change for a while and he'll try not to talk to his ex or other women friends. However, since people are unlikely to change, he maybe back to the way he is and, starts to talk his ex or other women again. I know it is sometimes hard to accept the other person's flaws. But since nobody is perfect, I'll suggest you that if you really like him and want be with him, accept the way he is. If you can't accept the way he is, you may have to move on. Also, like ToF mentioned set boundaries are very important!

[Deanna10]

There are many forms of cheating. He may not be physically cheating but maybe emotional cheating. If he cares about you and likes you, then there is no reason for him to be talking to those other girls and bottling it inside is only going to get worse. I know because I was talking to one of my ex boyfriends who I dated 4 years ago. This is also the same guy I had had sex with while I was engaged to my now husband. They used to be friends along time ago and my husband told me he was over everything and did not care if we talked. A couple months went by of us talking and one day my husband just broke down crying. I had no idea what was wrong until he told me that it did not bother him but he didnot want to upset me by telling me. I told him that no one is more important then him. So I stopped talking to my ex even though him and I were not doing anything inapporiate it was hurting my husband. I trust me husband with all my heart but at the same time, I don't let him talk to his ex girlfriends or anyone he had sexual contact with. Why because we both see no reason for him to talk to them. It just going to cause unwanted conflicts in our marriage. I think you should tell youg boyfriend that you have a problem with it and stand by it. It is natural to want to think or see our mates being around someone else they made that same commit to before.

[arcadefire]

I feel that this is inappropriate. Would he like it if you were doing this in front of him? Probably not. To me keeping in contact with prior flames just brings unnecessary drama that can easily be avoided by starting clean and anew with someone else. Keep the past in the past. It didn't work out for a reason.

[Windycitygal]

We all have boundaries. Why not try bringing this up to him? Maybe if he really sits and thinks about it, he doesn't need his past conquests in his life. If he chooses to keep in contact with them, it is up to you to decide if it is too much for you.