new boyfriend and his ex

[Hannah13]

Little backstory, ive been seeing this guy for about 3 months, and he finally asked me out officially on thanksgiving.

Now though, idk how im gunna deal with some of the stuff in his life. For one, he still texts his ex girlfriends. That alone gets to me alot. Two, he still occasionally hangs out with his current ex. They broke up about 5 months ago, he broke up with her. She is NOT over it.

 

Basically he has said that he hasnt been intimate or even kissed her since they broke up. IDK how much i believe that but to be honest we werent officially together so i cant really say much of this before thanksgiving. BUT, just the other day he came to hang out with me and go to dinner. After we went out we went back to his place where he told me that he had met up with her earlier that day?! She had told him she needed to 'see him' for something. He said she basically just said parting goodbyes(again!) and wished him luck(for what, idk)

 

To be honest i completely shut down like i usually do. Didnt really talk much, went to bed early. Im not really sure how to take things from here...any advice? We are both early 20s

[geekgirl4]

Well, I have to give him credit for being upfront with you about all this. What do the two do when they occasionally hang out?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sounds to me like he likes to have a collection of exs like some people collect stamps. I would be concerned that he likes to have women pining for him. If you want to continue seeing this guy you are going to have to accept that he likes to keep his ex girlfriends close. I personally could not handle that...i would not trust someone like that.

[theartofruin]

Anytime someone keeps their ex's around (particularly recent ones) it's a huge red flag

[HeartGoesOn]

Anyone who still has contact with a recent ex, is not worth your time, and is definitely not relationship material.

 

Just my opinion...

[Snny]

BUT, just the other day he came to hang out with me and go to dinner. After we went out we went back to his place where he told me that he had met up with her earlier that day?! She had told him she needed to 'see him' for something. He said she basically just said parting goodbyes(again!) and wished him luck(for what, idk)

He set his plans aside... so did you.... to spend time together. He invited you over to his place. Then he leaves you.... at his place... to meet up with another woman? You tell me what's wrong with this picture. Not only is he being a lousy host, but he clearly does not prioritize you. Call his ass out on it.

[teabee]

Anytime someone keeps their ex's around (particularly recent ones) it's a huge red flag

 

Ditto to this.

I have been there, and I wish I had trusted my intuition when I smelled something fishy.

[Rabican]

Im not a big fan of the ex thing. Even less of a fan of him going and hanging out at her house... in my opnion once you are in a relationship you shouldnt be behind closed doors with someone else of the opposite sex. It just invites trouble. Or at the very least looks bad. Even if hes trustworthy you can probably bet that her intentions are not whats best for YOUR relationship with him. That alone should steer him away from her. I think you need to sit down and figure out what you are ok with.

 

can he hang out with his ex in public

can he talk to his ex

can he hang out at his exes house

etc. figure out what your boundaries are. Then tell him. Dont tell him he cant see her, or he cant talk to her etc. Thats his choice to make. Just tell him that you are not ok with it, but you wont tell him what to do... and if he decides to still talk/hang out etc. when he knows you dont like it.... then it tells you a bit more about his priorties. Then you have to decide once you add up his priorities, and the fact that you dont like the ex thing is he worth keeping.