Normal Death Poem

[i_hate_the_world47]

She walked over to the ledge

looking down at the tiny people below

Wondering wy she couldnt be one of those

Those normal people

 

But she wasnt

she was a beaten tenager

With slashes on her arms

And permanent scars in her heart

 

She cries crimson tears

While her eyes scream for help

Save me they say

From the hell hole i live in

 

No one came

Her screams floated away in the wind

As would she

A tiny speck on this planet

 

She walked off the ledge

Finally people heard her screams

Then she hit rock bottom

And awoke from her dream

 

This was not a night mare

No it was a safe place

Death was a safe place

While reality was the real nightmare

 

i know i write many poems like this.but i think this may be my last one.I wanna die so bad.i have tried to wait for things to get better but they remain the same.Yelling screaming cutting hitting i just cant take it.I hope you all like the poem

 

Meagan

[Rahll]

I liked the poem, describing death as a release, which in some ways I believe it is.

 

I wont try to talk you out of killing yourself, as thats for you to descide.

 

I will say that if you want to live, or you want to want to live, then you simply need to find something to pursure. I dont mean something like a career, or a realtionship, but a purpose for life.

 

Your poem was good, and I would enjoy reading any more you have. You seem to like writing them (if you didnt then you wouldnt write, obvious but true) perhads you can focus on writing them.

 

I'm sure that other people are going to tell you to just wait it out, that things will change and eventually you wont want to comit sucidie. That may be true, but that will likely be a temperory fix.

 

Everyone goes through good and bad times, and for you, you are likely going to have more bad times than good. IF you want to live, you either need to change your circumstances, buy trying to be in more good times, but that is proablly beyond your control.

 

Since you cant change the things that happen to you, change the way you feel about them. Take all of the bad things that have happened to you, the abuse, the yelling, the realtionships, anything, and instead of regretting it and looking on it with contempt, look at it with passive detachment. Say to yourself, this is what has happened to me, and I accept that, I will learn from it, and most importantaly, these kind of things will probally happen to me again. And that when they do happen, I will be ready, and I will be able to handle it. At first this process will seem forced, and you wont believe that it will work. Keep at it and eventually you will change yourself, and you will become stronger.

 

If this helped at all, and you would like to talk more, E-mail me, or pm me, and I will be happy to talk. My view on thigs tends to me quite a bit different from others.

 

Change what you cant accept, and accept what you cant change.

[mahlina]

Sweety, you're too young to be thinking like this. It's okay. I know how you feel. I truly do. I know how it feels to grow up in that kind of environment. Espeically being that your step dad isn't your real dad, and he's a rabid dog who abuses young children. That's not right. I know that it's tough to be in your situaiton, because:

#1.) You're so young.

2.) You're still stuck living under the same roof as him, the same old routine, the same old abuse.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I can truly empathize. My best advice is to talk to your mom about this. Killing yourself is not the answer. I know that we might find desperate measures to pull out of our situations, but trust me, those scars aren't worth it. Keep yourself young, beautiful, and healthy. That's what you need most. Nourish your emotions. Since you write beautiful poetry, especially being that you're 14, I suggest that you indulge in writing more poetry. Tap into your emotions. Let that side of you out. Some of the best poets write from their experiences. Their poetry just doesn't come out of nowhere. Similarly, advices/counseling come from expereince as well. They just don't come out of nowhere: without any thoughts, any experiences, any recollections to actually pass down and back up with sincerity and empathy.

 

There are other people who go though emotional pain as well. Look at them. They tend to make a major success of themselves. Here's an exaple: Oprah was raped by her uncle at an early age. She didn't have the best childhood either. But she's made a personal success of herself by acknowledging her own personal wisdom. She found it in her own will to help others, through advice and donations. See? So no matter what happens, do things from your heart. Killing yourself is like lying to yourself, and denying yourself from your happiness. Live with personal integrity. Don't let that jerk bring you down. Don't let him change you. It's not worth it. Turn your weaknesses into your sucesses.

 

In life, we will all have our ups and our downs. We do. I know that everyone has their own severity, and degree of pain. I know how you feel. I've been though some other things that I'm surprised that I made it through life myself. Pain is a part of life. Our heartaches/suffering allows us to grow as individuals, so that it will strengthen our ability to handle future challenges in life. That is, if we chose to make use of what we learn through pain.

 

It's truly not the end of the world. Yes, living under the same roof with that jerk, is a hell hole. It's a morbid situation that you don't need exposure to. What you need is 'nurture.' That's what you really need. If he's not doing it, if your mother's not listening, then you know what? It's time to take matters into your own hands. Not by slitting, or wanting to die, but by 'Setting Goals' for yourself. Find your own happiness. It's within you, and no one can strip it away from you. Just know that okay? And no matter what, just know that life works in it's own mysterious ways. Have faith in yourself, listen to yourself. Because only you can be your own bestfriend for now. Your life is what you make of it. Believe me. I learned that at a very young age. So make it your focus to nurture you, your heart, and your soul. Everyone deserves to be happy. It's those who beat, batter, rape, molest, kill, and intentionally hurt others that don't.

 

Take Care,

Mahlina

 

P.S.- Be strong. Don't give up that fight. You are not a prisoner to your own emotions. Just know that okay? Tomorrow's a brighter day.

Start fresh. It's up to you to embrace all of your possiblities. Find determination now, and your rewards will pay off later. Remember: pain will not go away over night. It takes time. Hang in there. I see potential in you. Realize this for yourself k?

[i_hate_the_world47]

I understand where you are coming from mahlina>My dad is a jerk and he should b the one dead,buti am the one suffering.I am the one whos life sux.And i write poetry but sometimes my anger and sadness cant be expressed in words.i want to go on and live but i dont think i can.

[mahlina]

Hey Girl,

 

I know that it's tough, but just know that once you're 16, you have soemthing to look forward to. Your first step to independence. Trust me. As soon as I got my driver's liscense, life wasn't so bad after all. Well, back then, gas prices were about half the price that they are now. But what I'm saying is, once you gain some sort of independence, you have something to look forward to. Every little inch of the way counts.

 

Whatever it is, make improvments for yourself. As soon as I won some independence, I stayed away from home, hit the books, and went to the library almost everyday. It's just painful to stay at home sometimes, espeically at that age, because everything's so confusing. But trust me. You have a lot of potential, and a lot to look forward to. My best advice for now, is to get to know you. Truly understand who you are, and what you want in life. Instead of giving up, find motivation for yourself. It's all about perserverance honey. Trust me. The pain may seem endless, but just know that you got us for support. Also know that you're gaining strength from this whole situation. Work your way to finding your goals in life. Save your money. Workout. Keep yourself healthy, fit, and young.

 

It's all about mental training. If you build it up there, he does not have the power to destroy your strength of will. No one can. Happiness is all in your mind, and in your heart. If you aim high, then you will win. If you aim low, then you'll be stuck. What helped me during that time, was to think about God. Believe it or not, I used to want to be a nun as a child. Lots happened to me as a kid, and to others in my neighborhood. It was not a pretty childhood, but the little faith that I had from within, really carried a long way. I'm not preaching about God, but what I'm saying is, look for something or someone as a way to find your guidance. Luckily, for me, it was in some way, it was my caticism classes that helped out a lot.

 

What I'm saying is: Get involved. Find an active peer group, a sphere of people who will guide you to make a 'positive' change in your life. Sure, it's easy to fall into 'negativity,' but that's the harder way to go in life. Sure. Lots of people get depressed, lose hope, and find other ways to harm their lives. Either joining a gang, doing drugs, slitting their wrists finding answers in the wrong places. One point that they're missing, that's a short-term, temporary relief. It won't do them any good.

 

Basically, try to avoid those negative thoughts. Aim high. Don't give up. Fight back through determination. Whatever you set your mind to, you will get there. That includes your happiness as well. Everyone deserves to be happy. No one deserves to be mistreated. Realize that okay? Start off from square one: do a personal inventory of yourself, which will then help you to realize what you want from your life.

 

Remember this: No matter what happens, don't ever stoop to his level. Respect those around you. Reinforce your goals. Make positive changes. Be the oppossite from him. Make changes for yourself now, so that the environment that you chose for yourself later: is a healther/positive one. Life's full of potentials. It's up to each of us to embrace it. Hang in there okay? Grow a thick skin. You got my back girl. Take Care.-Mahlina

[i_hate_the_world47]

I understand mahlina.I just cant help it.I try to biuld up strenght but w/my dad beating on my everyday i cant seem to crwal out of this hole.i am hopeless.

[mahlina]

I'm serious. Call 9-1-1 on him. That's not something that any child should tolerate. He's not being a father. He's being a criminal. Abuse isn't something that you should tolerate. For goodness sakes, you're a fragile young girl, and he's beating up on you? Consistantly? Doesn't this man get it through his fricken head? I think that you mentioned in your previous post that this guy's your step-dad, right? Idiot.

 

Call the cops on him the next time he hits you. That will teach him a lesson. If you speak up for yourself, in the matter of turning to authority, then perhaps he will stop his animal urges to beat up on you. What a Neanderthal! Once he faces the authority, he'll be sure to back down the next time. If not, then you're probably better off living with another relative. Tell your mother though okay? Make sure that she's fully aware of how you feel. If she doens't do anything, then do something for yourself. Take matters in your own hands, and let the legal system do him justice.

[i_hate_the_world47]

I understand that i should turn my step dad in,but if i do and he finds out he wil kill me.Not literally but u get the idea.And i think if i tell my mom she will either b extremely hurt or wont beileve me.I have no other relative to go live with.All my relatives live in washington and i havent talked to ne of them in years.I am not upset about dying.i am kinda happy because i kno it will al b over

[Protex]

I agree with Mahilna on this. If you can somehow contact authority without your father knowing, the police HAVE to protect you.

 

Nobody has the right to abuse you in any way, shape or form.

 

As for you, girl, don't ever give up. Please.

[Rahll]

There are a lot of people you could contact. Police, shool teacher, counseler, friend, parrent of a friend. The list goes on and on.

 

You have to want to stop the abuse, and that means going aginst your gut feeling. This abuse has been going on for a long time and has drastacally changed the way you are supposed to mature.

 

You need to accept this, then you will be able to do something about it. Feeling sorry about what happened is ok, but it wont change anything. You need to find it in yourself to care enough about what is going on to change it, even tho that change may not feel right.