My introversion may be in the way

[BritterSweet]

I'm only a little bit shy (I'm getting better at socializing than I used to be a few years ago). However, I'm very introverted, meaning I don't need lots of attention. In fact, I don't want lots of attention. I like having time to myself. But at the same time, I am interested in having a romantic relationship. Sometimes I worry that this conflict may pose a problem.

 

Three times with three different guys, they would show interest in me, and I would enjoy their company for a while but then eventually end up trying to get away from them! To be fair, though, those incidences were a while ago, and I wasn't quite as interested in a relationship back then as I am now. So maybe it might be a little different...

 

It's not that I don't like people or want to be close to someone. I just get tired from socializing for long periods of time and need alone time breaks. But what if this means I can't have a relationship with a guy because he might want more attention than I can give?

 

Can anyone relate to this?

[shy2cool]

you can't have it both ways.

 

guys show interest in you and you brush them away. maybe you need an introverted guy to have a relationship with. funny thing is that you will never meet him because he will be too shy to even speak to you but you wont realise that and continue to get courted by the extroverted types you dont want to be around, while the introverted guy remains all alone losing hope in any chance of meeting his dream girl. however the risk remains that because he is introverted, he will appreciate his alone time too much and you two will never be able to have an intimate relationship.

[Philos]

You have to show a balance. Being completely independent vs. being codependent ; they're both unhealthy for a relationship.

 

The only way to properly do it I think is to communicate with the guy and work together so you both at least know what's going on. Now, if you're looking to be with a guy and then not see him for a week or two at a time to clear your head, I can see that being a problem. Taking a couple days away or saying "Tonight I want to be alone" is fine.

[BritterSweet]

You have to show a balance. Being completely independent vs. being codependent ; they're both unhealthy for a relationship.

 

The only way to properly do it I think is to communicate with the guy and work together so you both at least know what's going on. Now, if you're looking to be with a guy and then not see him for a week or two at a time to clear your head, I can see that being a problem. Taking a couple days away or saying "Tonight I want to be alone" is fine.

 

That's a very good point. Extremes are very bad, especially for a relationship.

 

Actually after that first post, I remembered really liking a guy. His mom and my mom met at a gym and became good friends, so we would visit each others' houses for parties. There was a sort of "click" between us, and I was always happy to see him. I didn't see him all the time, but whenever the family was going to visit his place I would perk up. On one Christmas, he gave me my first kiss (okay, it was on the cheek...) and man, I felt giddy the rest of the night. So maybe my attitude depends on how I feel towards the guy.

 

Still, you're right about how I need to attain a balance, and how having time to myself is okay as long as it's not too much. I don't think I'm at such an extreme like the first case you described. But then, I haven't been in such a situation so I can't say I know for sure.