Thoughts On Memories

[Philabonia]

I sat around last night, remembering some useless holiday scene that I recount over and over in my head. It involves my ex and I. It is a beautiful memory, only damaged by the fact that she is long gone. I asked myself, why do I replay this over and over? Here is what I wrote at 3 am...

 

What is in a memory? A memory is, of course, a reminder of something worth thinking about once the past is just that. It is a beacon in the mind’s eye for whatever reason. We all have our own reasons for remembering what we do. Some are for events that are routine – birthdays, holidays, etc. etc., whereas some are for a time that changed the very fabric of our soul; lessons worth remembering, because they effect who we are from thereon out. Others are simply necessaries we hang on to, to necessitate proper practice within our professional lives. But what of memories that seem to persist for no other reason than to haunt? Memories that, instead of enriching, destroy and enrage. Why do we hang on to them? Hobbes said a man without conscience is a man without a memory. Is it our conscience that makes us remember what some would pay so dearly to forget? Does that mean for every memory we wish not to reappear, we are guilty for in some way? Or is the guilt not connected to conscience, but regret – hindsight doing what it was meant to. Are we remembering something we wish to change, for the simple reason that we know that such a remedy is beyond our physical grasp? This seems very circular, and selfish.

But is selfishness bad? They are our memories, of course. The truth is, this is not selfishness that works within the parameters usually adhered to by egocentric actions; to hang on to something to reaffirm that we once had the ability to laugh without grimacing is not only remembering a good time without the bitter end, but remembering an individual who no longer exists. It is the epitome of pointlessness—self-interest without an intent to better, but merely to repeatedly injure the self-interested. It does not hurt the one remembered; they continue on with their life outside of the minds prison. You only hurt yourself by remembering someone for what they were to you. So, should we abandon selfishness, and strive for altruism in our minds? Surely, this is what is preached in the physical world. But what of our internal thoughts – where do we resign the past and expose of emotions no longer fit for the present and future? Are we to abandon the bad and only remember the good? Not only is this not impossible, I say it is illogical; a blank page is not art.

Our memories exist to enrich our lives with the experiences we have learned from. They are selfish by design. But use such selfishness to enrich your life instead of tracing the cracks in your ego. As a member of humanity, mistakes are the fuel which drives our social interactions. Without them, progress in any light would cease. Mistakes are what we learn from to proceed. We remember these mistakes, and we strive to not make them again. In the business world, this is standard procedure. Once feelings and emotions are attached, this process becomes much trickier. We make mistakes, and much like in a business, we strive to never make them again. But the smile of a women laying in your bed, or the smell of her perfume is not something that can be quantified in dollars and cents. These are aspects of personal memories that exist on that we can learn nothing from. They are the ones that haunt for seemingly no other reason than to torture. Why then, if memories are supposed to teach us from our flaws, do these seemingly useless bits of memory sustain themselves with such relative determination? You cannot remember important information on a test, but you can remember every strand of hair in her eyes when she told you she loved you for the first time— Why? Why must something so effortless become so engrained? I think the reason is that the gravity of such a memory, small as it is, stays to haunt, because it is meant to demand of you something more than you would normally give.

We as humans are not born with a developed sense of empathy. Empathy, understanding how our actions affect others, is one of the most misunderstood yet crucial elements a person can have. I believe that such memories remain to show us how someone can do something so relatively miniscule in the grand scheme of things, and how it can affect us so dramatically. It is meant to teach us that we too have this same power. We are not alone; memories are not of blank pages, but of what we fill our lives with. That filler is the laughter and tears of the ones we care for. The more we care, the greater the memory, no matter its length or distinctiveness. The pain we feel that is caused by the memory of a grand love that no longer remains is to teach us that we too could have this effect on another person, and it is up to us to either wield this power as a sword, or protect the ones we love by understanding the power we hold within ourself.

Our selfish power of memory, and its ability to change our future actions, is in itself the most altruistic power, or key, we have in our grasp. No matter what any self-help book says, we are responsible to others for our actions. If we want relationships, we must accept that our actions affect the ones who care for us; the seemingly useless memories of pain caused by those we cared for, who treated us poorly and without empathy, remain to teach us what not to do. If we want to flourish in a society based on the “golden-rule” that is so expounded, we need to understand and develop our empathy, and believe the smallest of memories of the greatest of loves can change everything not only for yourself, but for the ones that come after the hurt such memories cause. They remain by grand design, and it is up to us to use them wisely, instead of letting them burn us to the core.

[gottogeton]

That is very well written for the middle of the night and it's good food for thought.