Oneironaut Posted November 20, 2010 Share Posted November 20, 2010 I'm feeling better today than I have in a long, long time. In a nutshell, it's been 3 months since the breakup, after 1.5 years together, long-distance. I've been very miserable for these 3 months, thinking that I was never going to get over him, even though he is a borderline/bipolar narcissist and emotionally abusive. Yeah, I know, why did I love him, etc...well, sometimes love simply is, and there is no explanation, plus he wasn't always like that. Anyhow, in just the last few days, I've come to realize that I truly am starting to care less and less. We both hang out on an online 3D chatting program called IMVU, and the other night, I went off on him in front of his latest victim. She didn't care, of course, because she thinks she can "handle" him. So did I, lol...so did I. I had been feeling some regret for the things I said, including telling her (in front of him) that he has threatened to kill me multiple times, that if he told her he's been single for 7 years he's an outright liar, and that he loathes woman and sees them all as sex objects, with no purpose other than his physical pleasure. Then it occurred to me...I said them because I DON'T CARE. In the past, I made sure not to burn any bridges with him, that may ruin our chances of reconciliation. But I said all these things because I simply do not care anymore. I don't want him back, I WANT to move on...finally. I don't want back into a relationship with someone who could fly into a rage for a small thing, who is moody and easily irritated, and most of all, who is now literally addicted to virtual, online sex. Even as I write this, he is in his chatroom on IMVU with 6 females, several of whom are teenagers. He has become an online sexual predator...he is EXACTLY the kind of man you do not want your teenage daughter to meet online. Again, I realize that some of you are wondering why on earth I ever loved this guy...because he wasn't always like this, and I have come to realize that HE is the one I'm still in love with. The guy I fell for during the "honeymoon phase", who was NOT verbally abusive, who was NOT an online sex addict. That guy was wonderful and loving and made me feel beautiful and special. This guy...is a pathetic loser who lives in his little brother's basement, is rarely employed, has no ambition to better himself, and has made a career of online gaming and virtual sex. He is no catch, lol...just the opposite. He is a toxic leech of a human being who poisons the lives of everyone around him. For the first time in 3 months, I am finally looking forward to working my way through this process of healing. There is no looking back now. I have crested the hill, and I suspect it's only going to get easier from here. Thanks to everyone for reading this, I just needed to get it out. I am finally moving on, and it feels good. Edited to add: Oh, the hilarious footnote to my rant on him and her the other night is that when I woke up the next morning, he had sent me a Friends request on IMVU...that's how bizarre and twisted and messed up this guy is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 20, 2010 Share Posted November 20, 2010 Just forget him, he sounds very strange and you will be happier without him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oneironaut Posted November 20, 2010 Author Share Posted November 20, 2010 If it were that easy ("just forget him"), we wouldn't need forums like this, but I appreciate the sentiment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 20, 2010 Share Posted November 20, 2010 Trust me, Im two weeks out of a shattering break up. All I meant was forget him as in dont bother with him anymore, you know? No contact all the way!! Not literally erase him from your memory lol. Forget what hes up too, whose lives hes messing with. Just focus on you You'll find someone great im sure. When my ex comes into my head I have to literally shove the thoughts out lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oneironaut Posted November 20, 2010 Author Share Posted November 20, 2010 Yes, for a while, I had to actively replace happy memories of him with memories of how miserable he could make me. And frankly, it has worked. I used to lie in bed every night and fantasize about us being together again. Now, those fantasies aren't even appealing anymore. That has been a fantastic realization for me, and clears the way for someone new. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 20, 2010 Share Posted November 20, 2010 Well everytime I think of a good memory, I think 'was it really good or am i just glamourising it?' and i think more deeply I remember him being grumpy or horrible or moody or spoiling it. So its pretty easy to just remember the true negativity on his part. I knew from the moment we split there was no going back and I would not take him back. You sound like your doing well, keep it up and stay strong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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