hitone Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 Hi I'm new here. I split up with my girlfriend of 11 years a few months ago. Things had been very tough for a while and although I loved her and still love her, I know it was the best thing to let her go. I miss her like hell, I'm grieving like hell and I was replaced pretty much immediately which hurts even more! I dated another woman for a short while, but I'm still a bit of an emotional mess right now, so that didn't work out and now my confidence is completely destroyed. But I'm lonely now. I'd love to date again, but I probably shouldn't be looking for anything more than just friendship right now. I guess this must be a fairly farmilliar story? Should I just be alone for a while? It's so hard trying to move on when you're feeling so hurt, but I know I have to now, there is no way back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ks240030 Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 I am sorry you are in pain but based on your post, the 1st thought that came to my mind is: Why you are not at least engaged? 11 years without any kind of committment from you? If you really loved her, you would want to marry her. 11 years is plenty of time to know if you want a future with her. That is the ultimate act to show a woman she is the one and what love is. This is how women think and feel. This is how we know a man truly loves a woman. I do not know the details of your relationship but something tells me that your ex girlfriend got tired of waiting or realized that you were never going to commit to her and moved on with her life. You are right, you need to take a break. I am sorry you are in pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToF Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 Yes, take a break. It isn't fair to you or your potential dates to try and make something romantic happen right now. You were with your ex for a long time, so you need to give yourself a long time to heal. As much as you may not want to... Why you are not at least engaged? 11 years without any kind of committment from you? If you really loved her, you would want to marry her. 11 years is plenty of time to know if you want a future with her. That is the ultimate act to show a woman she is the one and what love is. By the way, not all women feel this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hitone Posted November 19, 2010 Author Share Posted November 19, 2010 We were engaged. It was nothing to do with commitment. We lived together for years, I brought up her kids like my own and I was an honest hard working family guy. We probably would have been married by now if not for the fact that I was the only one who had a job. Its kinda part of the reason for the split, that she had no life outside the relationship which made things extremely difficult. Ironically, she has completely changed now. She was already starting to make new friends and meet new people a little while before we actually split & I guess she just didn't need me anymore. I kinda sensed that she had met someone else, and although nothing had happened, I knew she wanted to go, so I let her go, and I was right. Its just difficult to know that I am the only one who is having trouble moving on. This break up was not my fault, I'm not saying it was hers either, but I didn't want it, but it was the only thing left to do. Anyone got a magic wand? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carra Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 We lived together for years, I brought up her kids like my own and I was an honest hard working family guy. See, this is why most men will avoid single mothers. Take good note ladies... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hitone Posted November 19, 2010 Author Share Posted November 19, 2010 See, this is why most men will avoid single mothers. Take good note ladies... I don't understand why you say that. Her being a single mum when we met had nothing to do with any decisions either of us made in this regard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ks240030 Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 I am sorry hitone. I know this not mean much right now but take pride that you made her a better person. Time and distance will make things better. Surround yourself with people you love (e.g. friends and family). Do things that until now, you did not have the time to do like go more often to the gym, hang out with friends, if possible go see a place you always wanted to go. 11 years is a long time but it will get better. Remind yourself: You deserve to be loved and cherished. I think you will be ok, you have a lot going for you. A woman will recognize you are a good man and will want to be with you. Choose somewho who makes you happy and compliments the life you want to live. I know from personal experience that some alone time is good. You really learn who you are as a person and what you want in life. Do not settle for anything less. Good luck and have a nice holiday season. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 Yes, I think it's best to be alone for awhile. You're not in the right frame of mind to get involved with anyone at the moment. Give yourself time to grieve and get over the heartbreak. 11 years invested in the relationship is a long time, so it's only natural for you to still be hurt. Take it one day at a time. Things will eventually get better through time. Stay strong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hitone Posted November 19, 2010 Author Share Posted November 19, 2010 Thanks for the encouragement. I hate being alone and yes this is the toughest time I can ever remember. I swear I'd sooner lose a limb its that painful, but I only ever tried to do the right thing so hopefully time will pay me back for that one day. Its odd that I now got so much more attention from women now since I got into shape and take pride in how I look, yet I'm just so damn uncomfortable with it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hawks0523 Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 I'm going through the same thing and I was only in a relationship for two years. I've been devestated with the break up but I'm now in the best shape I've ever been in. I look good and have a ton going for me, but dating again is terrifying. I think that the best thing we can do is take some time and heal our wounds so we can be fair to the next person to come into our lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hitone Posted November 21, 2010 Author Share Posted November 21, 2010 I guess being alone for a while must be the right thing to do now then. I've started drinking now though just trying to get unconcious so it doesn't hurt. Its only makng me worse, but still I do it. I dont see her and I dont try to call her. I've only seen her once since the summer and there comes a point in every single day when I struggle to believe this has actually happened even though it has been months now. I shared a huge part of my life with her and now we are strangers. Its almost unthinkable, but yet it is real. I hate being alone like this but I'm also terrified of dating. I do love to meet new people and I should make some new friends but right now i'm even terrified of that too. Do any of you guys also find that no matter where you are or who you are with, you just always feel like you're in the wrong place? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToF Posted November 21, 2010 Share Posted November 21, 2010 Stop drinking. It will do you absolutely no good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hitone Posted November 21, 2010 Author Share Posted November 21, 2010 Yes I know, I'm not normally a drinker. I'm just really struggling right now that's all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToF Posted November 21, 2010 Share Posted November 21, 2010 I'm sorry to hear that. Drinking may help in the short run, but the last thing you need is to develop a problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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