Boyfriend doesn't want a long distance relationship but won't stop contacting me

[kayem]

Dear All,

 

I would really appreciate any feedback/opinions/advice you can give me on this bizarre situation I find myself in!

 

Trying to be brief, I have been seeing a guy on/off for almost a year now. He has moved abroad to the other side of the world in the last week and before he left he expressed very clearly that he was not interested in a long distance relationship for many reasons: he is going to be away for a long time, he is physically VERY far away from me, he has experienced a failed long distance relationship in the past, he suffers committment issues. I, on the other hand, am quite confident in trying a long distance relationship and see how it works out and have had lots of success with them in the past.

 

BUT getting to the crux of the issue, my problem is this: HE is the one who doesn't want a long distance relationship, right? Yet it is HE who texted and rang from the airport for hours as he was leaving, contacted me from his transfer airport, texted again as soon as he arrived at his destination, he has been in touch with me every day since he left, even more than he was in touch most days when he was in the same country as me!!!!! I have not initiated any of this contact. Today he has even sent me photos of his new bedroom, i never requested this! I have even had emails from him just to tell me that he had spoken to his mum - Why would I want to know that if I was just his friend? I have tried to ignore him but he persists in contacting me until I reply. When I do finally reply I am very cold and say things like 'why are you talking to me?', 'why do i want to see these photos of your messy bedroom?' 'surely you have better things to do than talk to me at 4am!' (there is a 9 hour time difference between us now so he is staying up REALLY LATE at night and getting up REALLY EARLY in the morning to speak to me.)

 

He finally twigged today and asked me why i kept saying things like that and asked if i still wanted him to contact me on msn. I said i thought it was weird that he felt the need to contact me all the time and maybe he actually liked me more than he let on, or maybe he was just trying to be friendly. His response was 'both' but that he didn't want to move away and not be in touch with me anymore.

 

WHAT DOES THIS GUY WANT FROM ME? I am so confused because what he SAYS seems to be completely different to what he actually DOES. But where does that leave me? If i ask him to seriously persue a long distance relationship he will say no, whereas I feel that i am being strung along as some kind of entertainment for him just in case he decides one day he does want to come back OR to keep him entertained until he meets someone else where he is.

 

link removed!!!!!!!

[Snny]

He doesn't want to be dating while overseas... so is he your boyfriend or not? Because it sounds like he either had a change of heart and wants to do an LDR, or that he is not comfortable letting you go since he is in an unfamiliar place. Either way you need a definite answer of where you and him stand.

 

If you don't like him calling/e-mailing you often, you need to let him know that it's no longer appropriate since you two aren't together.

[Savskii]

I say don't contact him. The guy is a crack head he can't make his mind up.

If he really wants you he would arrive on your doorstep in a tick. Let him go to you don't fall into his little bubble.

As for the 'long distant relationships'- what is the point of having a relationship far away in the middle of the dessert. I mean come on for all you know he's probably at the pub or out clubbing and perving at some hooker in a bar.

Just tell him that you guys a friends and if he sends you all these bulk messages through every device or communication source available then shut him off from the annoying devices such as changing your number and leaving your email address open for him. Simple as that.