Guy im seeing wont commit? Should i give ultimatum?

[Hannah13]

Ok heres the backstory. This guy im seeing ive known for about a year. He had a gf all the time i knew him but broke up with her end of summer. We started something, and its escalated to where we spend about 3-4 nights together each week, and are intimate as well. He has said that he would like to be with me at 'somepoint'.

 

Basically, im sick of waiting. Its been months of this dancing around and to be honest, i dont know where we stand. The past few weeks ive been asked out by other guys, and idk if i can even say yes! Im tired of having our friends ask us if were dating and me having to say "no". Im not sure how to even bring this talk up with him, because im very non confrontational, and idk what to say at this point. My actions towards him are becoming cold and i know hes wondering whats wrong.

 

How can i bring this up to him? What should i say or do?

[JazzTheme]

Well, you're not seeing each other exclusively if he only wants to be with you at some point in the future. I don't think you have to turn down the other guys who ask you out.

[RedDress]

Why an ultimatum? Why confrontation? Why not just ask him?

 

"So - what do you think "we" are? Are we dating? Are we seeing each other? I've been asked out by other guys. Should I be going out with them?"

 

Asking questions isn't being confrontational. You are getting to the breaking point because you are not sharing your feelings. Share them. Tell him that you want to be with him but that you don't want to wait around for nothing. See what he says.

[MakestheBest]

I personally dont believe in being in a relationship where you are not getting what you want...I would say go out with the other guys and spend less time with him, or be less sexual with him, or talk on the phone with him less...anything that you feel confused about and frustrated in doing for him with no reciprocation, stop it. You don't owe hiim a damned thing right now. Do this especially if you are non confrontational. If he really wants you...and it seems as though he may, his behavior will change. DO NOT give in until you are fully satisfied, as he has been this passed year.

 

You are giving him the milk, the cow, the duck and the geese for free. ( I'm not saying this in a bad way at all-just as a description we've all done this at some point) but he has no need to commit as long as you give him all of the benefits of a commitment without him having to commit. In my experience men appreciate women who look out for themselves. So i would suggest you do that...Its not a guarantee that he will come around (lets hope!), but its a guarantee that your pride will remain intact and you will eventually get what you want. If not from him then from another man.

[Mauxly]

I hate to say this, but if he had a gfriend the whole time you knew him, breaks up with her and immediately starts seeing you, you are the rebound. He doesn't yet know how to be comfortable alone. So he'll latch on to you. You'll never know if he loves you, or the comfort you provide. I wouldn't give him an ultimatum. You aren't getting your needs met, and he needs time to figure out what he really wants.

 

You should break up. Give him space, if he cones back after a few months great. If not, then ya know.

 

By the way, was he fully out of his prior relationship before you started flirting or let your romantic intentions into the light?

[d24]

keep your lips to yourself and your legs closed and see how long it takes him to commit.

seriously, not rocket science here...!

[Jd1983]

Just tell him that you like him, and you want to know where you stand. If he doesn't want to be exclusive with you, then you're going to have to start looking elsewhere, as you do have options.

 

Sometimes you just have to be blunt for them to understand.

 

Don't wait around for him to make up his mind.. Otherwise, you could be waiting for a very long time.

[ut804]

why should he commit when he's getting everything he wants from you?

[OptomisticGirl]

why should he commit when he's getting everything he wants from you?

 

BINGO!!!

 

As my momma alway said, "if you give them a slice of the pie first, why on Earth would the want the whole thing?'

[ks240030]

Based solely on your post, I think that he is playing with you and have no intention of committing to you. Sorry wish I had better news to give you.

[MakestheBest]

So what did you end up doing?